Weddings - evening invite

Torry_Quine

notanewuser wrote: »

Er, no. They don't usually sit down!

You learn something new everyday.

supersaver2

Person_one wrote: »

I think you overestimate the appeal of watching other people get married!

It was an attempt at humour!

claire16c

Torry_Quine wrote: »

You learn something new everyday.

It depends where the wedding is really, you can do either.

Usually in the UK the wedding party like the bridesmaids will sit down after theyve walked up to the front, but sometimes Ive seen them stand there for a bit at first, whilst a reading is going on or something. When I was a bridesmaid I sat down straight away both times though.

But my wedding was in the US where the tradition is for the wedding party to stand up. So my bridesmaids, the best man and the groomsmen stood at the side. Made for good photos!

jaylee3

supersaver2 wrote: »

I can't imagine you would be made to feel 'welcome' if you went to a wedding (in a church or otherwise) if you hadn't been invited. If seats were limited as they often are and you invited yourself this may mean an 'invited guest' such as close family or friends wouldn't get a seat! Can't see you being Mr/Mrs Popular in that situation! So it may be correct that everyone who wants to attend can, doesn't mean you should.

Agree.

To be honest, I didn't realise that anyone and everyone could turn up to a church wedding. You have to book and pay for the Church and the service (our local Church charges £400 for the service,) so if you've booked it for your wedding, how come all and sundry can come in? I wouldn't want people coming in to my wedding who I had not invited. Nor would I go to a wedding I had not been invited to.

Reminds me of anyone and everyone turning up to funerals when they a) barely knew the deceased/didn't know them at all or b) had not had anything to do with the deceased for more than 20 years. Some people just seem to feel the need to show their face.

For the record though, I agree with person one, that it's not unusual to be invited to the 'night-do' without being invited to the ceremony and reception. However, it is odd (like in the OP's case,) to be invited to the ceremony and the night-do, but not the reception.

Gloomendoom

jaylee3 wrote: »

Agree.

To be honest, I didn't realise that anyone and everyone could turn up to a church wedding. You have to book and pay for the Church and the service (our local Church charges £400 for the service,) so if you've booked it for your wedding, how come all and sundry can come in? I wouldn't want people coming in to my wedding who I had not invited. Nor would I go to a wedding I had not been invited to.

Reminds me of anyone and everyone turning up to funerals when they a) barely knew the deceased/didn't know them at all or b) had not had anything to do with the deceased for more than 20 years. Some people just seem to feel the need to show their face.

For the record though, I agree with person one, that it's not unusual to be invited to the 'night-do' without being invited to the ceremony and reception. However, it is odd (like in the OP's case,) to be invited to the ceremony and the night-do, but not the reception.

At weddings, the officiant asks something along the lines of " If any of you know cause or just impediment why these persons should not be joined together in matrimony, you are to declare it now."

If the happy couple could dictate who can actually be present at the wedding, they could easily exclude anyone who did have just cause. Which is why wedding ceremonies are open to all.

Gloomendoom

jaylee3 wrote: »

Agree.

To be honest, I didn't realise that anyone and everyone could turn up to a church wedding.

As has been pointed out already, it's not just church weddings. If it's a legally recognised wedding ceremony, anyone can attend, wherever it is, or how much it cost to put on.

jaylee3

Fair point gloomanddoom. But I just genuinely didn't realise that just about anyone can turn up. Can't imagine personally, why anyone would go if they weren't invited. It just seems a bit weird to me, to turn up at a wedding you were obviously not wanted at.

Person_one

jaylee3 wrote: »

Fair point gloomanddoom. But I just genuinely didn't realise that just about anyone can turn up. Can't imagine personally, why anyone would go if they weren't invited. It just seems a bit weird to me, to turn up at a wedding you were obviously not wanted at.

At some of my friends' weddings, friends of their parents have popped to the church to stand at the back or wait outside to see them come out. They're not close enough to the couple themselves to be invited, but they've still known them since they were babies and wish them well. I think that's quite nice actually!

I don't expect many people go 'crashing' weddings of strangers, or people they don't really like or care about, what would be the motivation?

Gloomendoom

jaylee3 wrote: »

Fair point gloomanddoom. But I just genuinely didn't realise that just about anyone can turn up. Can't imagine personally, why anyone would go if they weren't invited. It just seems a bit weird to me, to turn up at a wedding you were obviously not wanted at.

I don't think it happens that often. I seem to recollect that it did happen at ours, but they were people that knew my wife as a child. I can't really see the harm myself.

thorsoak

jaylee3 wrote: »

Agree.

To be honest, I didn't realise that anyone and everyone could turn up to a church wedding. You have to book and pay for the Church and the service (our local Church charges £400 for the service,) so if you've booked it for your wedding, how come all and sundry can come in? I wouldn't want people coming in to my wedding who I had not invited. Nor would I go to a wedding I had not been invited to.

Reminds me of anyone and everyone turning up to funerals when they a) barely knew the deceased/didn't know them at all or b) had not had anything to do with the deceased for more than 20 years. Some people just seem to feel the need to show their face.

For the record though, I agree with person one, that it's not unusual to be invited to the 'night-do' without being invited to the ceremony and reception. However, it is odd (like in the OP's case,) to be invited to the ceremony and the night-do, but not the reception.

Sorry -but the £400 you shelled out does not mean that you bought privacy! You paid for the beautiful surroundings, the organist, the bells, the choir - but as a place of worship, the church is "open to all - all are welcome!" If you want exclusivity,then you have to opt for a non-ecumenical setting.

It was a tradition, where I grew up, in the 50s/60s, that women and teenagers would know when there was a wedding on a Saturday - and those who might have known the bride - at school/guides etc - or as neighbours - would attend the wedding - stand outside, watching the guests go in, checking out the bridegroom (who might not necessarily be a local lad) - checking out what the bride's mother wore ("bet she didn't get that at the local department store") and waiting for the bride to enter with her father ("he's still sober, then") - and then slip in for the ceremony and watch the photos after. We'd all think of our own weddings (way in the future!) and decide what would work and what wouldn't!

When my DD married, in the 1990s, and had very few neighbours - they came out and watched her leave the house!