Weddings - evening invite

Gloomendoom

My sister's wedding deviated from the current norm because there was no evening do at all. The (extremely long) ceremony was followed by a wedding breakfast and everything was done and dusted by 5:00 pm.

To be honest, it all fell a bit flat.

jellyhead

goater78 wrote: »

I've sent the threads link to them as evidence that people think it's not rude for me to duck out of the wedding ceremony

:rotfl:

I'm going to disagree and say that it's rude to miss the actual ceremony if you've been invited to it. It's kind of the important bit

jellyhead

Person_one wrote: »

That's been the format for most weddings I've been to as well, with a few exceptions for smaller ones. Service, then formal day reception for closer friends and family, then less formal evening reception with some added guests.

I have to say though, I like the American tradition of having the ceremony later in the evening and everybody getting straight in to the reception.

We did that - we had a late wedding then went straight to the reception venue for drinks, then buffet and disco. I liked it. I assume other people did, but if they were offended by the lack of a wedding breakfast, well, at least they got to see us exchange our vows, haha. And everyone was fed and given champagne.

jellyhead

Goater78 I assume that the church bit was only added in a 'if you want to' kind of way, and nobody would be offended if you didn't go. It's perfectly reasonable to say that you've already made plans thinking that you were invited to the evening only.

Person_one

jellyhead wrote: »

We did that - we had a late wedding then went straight to the reception venue for drinks, then buffet and disco. I liked it. I assume other people did, but if they were offended by the lack of a wedding breakfast, well, at least they got to see us exchange our vows, haha. And everyone was fed and given champagne.

Your buffet was your wedding breakfast!

I can't see how anybody could be offended, what matters is that you provide some hospitality to your guests to thank them for coming to your wedding and celebrate with them, which you did. Sounds great to me!

poet123

jellyhead wrote: »

Goater78 I assume that the church bit was only added in a 'if you want to' kind of way, and nobody would be offended if you didn't go. It's perfectly reasonable to say that you've already made plans thinking that you were invited to the evening only.

I think that too. It was probably for information only, not sent with the expectation that everyone would attend.

thorsoak

Traditionally, wedding invitations would say something like "Mr & Mrs M Moneysaver request the honour of the presence of Mr Guest and Miss Parter at the wedding of their daughter Lolly Saver to Mr Saving Pounds at the Church of St Savings on Saturday 1st February at 12 noon, and afterwards at a Reception at the Poundsavers Arms.

Evening invitations would differ, as they would say "and afterwards at the Evening Reception at the Poundsavers Arms at 7.p.m in the evening"

But since the etiquette book has been thrown out of the window, its up to the wedding couple to decide what is right for them!

Person_one

thorsoak wrote: »

Traditionally, wedding invitations would say something like "Mr & Mrs M Moneysaver request the honour of the presence of Mr Guest and Miss Parter at the wedding of their daughter Lolly Saver to Mr Saving Pounds at the Church of St Savings on Saturday 1st February at 12 noon, and afterwards at a Reception at the Poundsavers Arms.

Evening invitations would differ, as they would say "and afterwards at the Evening Reception at the Poundsavers Arms at 7.p.m in the evening"

But since the etiquette book has been thrown out of the window, its up to the wedding couple to decide what is right for them!

Well, most people pay for their own wedding these days, and have been independent adults for some time, so it's right that the tradition of the parents doing the inviting has been 'thrown out the window'!

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

Well, most people pay for their own wedding these days, and have been independent adults for some time, so it's right that the tradition of the parents doing the inviting has been 'thrown out the window'!

I am not sure that is true. Not "most" many perhaps, but I don't think most do. Certainly not all of it.

I have received invitations from the parents (I have one now for Feb) and I know they are paying for the wedding entirely.

I have one for March, again from the parents because they are paying for the majority with the couple paying for the "fripperies".

I have also had invitations from the couple, the Bride's parents, and the Groom's parents as they are doing a three way split, and one from the parents and the couple. I haven't had one from just the couple unless it was a second wedding or a more mature couple.

FBaby

I think it is very much an age thing. Being in my 40s, I have both friends getting married at that same age, and friends seeing their children getting married. None of my friends who married after 30 whose wedding was paid by their parents, but almost all those whose children are getting married are either paying everything or big chunk of it.

What young couple probably don't fully appreciate though is that it IS a big strain on their parents. All those I speak to tell me of some level of anxiety about raising the expected fund. Interestingly too, it would seem these weddings always come about to be much more expensive than the ones chosen by those marrying later in life and paying for it themselves.