Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

Pollycat

anotheruser wrote: »

Asking the dad to give you away isn't about the dad owning you like some sort of slave. It's about them no longer giving you money when you ask as that should be your new family's responsibility.

What?
New family's responsibility to give money to a newly-married woman?

Surely this is tongue-in-cheek.

My Dad never gave me any money after I started work, he couldn't afford to because I was the eldest.
I didn't ask either.

And I certainly didn't expect my 'new' family to give me money.
And I didn't ask them either.

What a truly bizarre idea!

anotheruser wrote: »

I am shocked at how far people's minds can be warped over the smallest things about tradition and that they seem to take things literally and with great offence.

And you think other posters' minds are warped?

Or am I taking your statement too literally?
I've not taken offence, I'm just so gobsmacked at your view of Dad's & new families giving brides-to-be or newly-wedded females money.

anotheruser wrote: »

OP: If you want to follow the advice from a stupid internet forum that has far too many people on it who take offence at the smallest of things, leave your guy and don't look back. Jump the ship, don't look back in anger and all that.

If it's 'so stupid' why are you busily posting on it? (5 posts already today) :rotfl:

notanewuser

anotheruser wrote: »

Asking the dad to give you away isn't about the dad owning you like some sort of slave. It's about them no longer giving you money when you ask as that should be your new family's responsibility.
While we're at it, those who aren't married but have a baby (or two), have they got the father's surname? Why is that? Tradition perhaps?
What the hell, why not get married in jeans and a t-shirt (of course, the girl wouldn't be wearing a dress or skirt as that's too old fashioned!) - no need for a wedding dress... too traditional.

I am shocked at how far people's minds can be warped over the smallest things about tradition and that they seem to take things literally and with great offence.

.

DH and I have been married for 10 years. We don't share a surname (he didnt want mine, I didnt want his and he didn't want to choose a new one together). DD has DH's surname - not because of any tradition, but because I don't need to share a name with her to know she's mine. I carried her for 9.5 months after all. DH bonded beautifully with her and giving her his surname is recognition that he was"there for her" too. She has my surname as a middle name, so that she has choices later on about what she wants to be known as.

Didn't wear jeans to get married, but almost went in my pyjamas. I found a dress (not a typical bridal one) about 2 weeks before the wedding.

My dad would have been mortified about being asked what he thought of us getting engaged. He hasn't given me money since I was about 15 and I was always recognised as being my own person, not something belonging to him. He and my mum often went on seperate holidays and have always had seperate finances. They didn't raise either of their daughters to be beholden to anyone, least of all their partners!

paulineb_2

My mind isn't warped. Neither have I taken offence at anything that's been said. I just didn't like someone dismissing what I said with a comment like please don't be ridiculous. I've got more to worry about in real life right now than whether someone should or shouldn't ask a dad for permission.

Lots of people don't have dads. I've not seem mine in just over 40 years. If I had got married at any point no one would have been asking my dad for permission because he cut me out of his life .

But my comment was regarded as ridiculous. Fair enough. I don't think it was.

If people want to debate it till the cows come home fine. Some people are traditionalists. Other people think it's a lot of crock. Everything else in between.

And some people won't have dads. Or parents. In the absence of a dad would someone be calling someone's mum for permission?

I'm not so sure. I don't think for one nano second the op is waiting for a moment to ask her dad. Not at all. It sounds like he's getting very cold feet about marriage.

pinkduvetdiva

Did the OP get her ring?

Saturnalia

pinkduvetdiva wrote: »

Did the OP get her ring?

She hasn't been back on to update. I was hoping earlier in the week that she was busy announcing her engagement in real life and off in a sugared almond haze, but as the week has gone on it looks less likely.

Lance

paulineb wrote: »

Kids can have chocolate any day of the year, no one ever died from not getting an Easter egg.

I've not heard of anyone who died from getting an Easter egg either. I actually prefer to get chocolate non - egg shaped as it's a rip off. The Easter bunny and Santa are not in religion they are kids fantasies and pretty harmless unless you cannot afford Christmas presents. As for reality does the 3 year old watch Disney cartoons while mummy stands over her assuring her Donald Duck is not real? Anyway it appears she did get chocolate but not egg shaped thank God as well all know eggs do not really exist.

System

notanewuser wrote: »

Is it obvious? I walked down the aisle with my father, but no mention was ever made about being given away! I wasn't his to give!

Not being pedantic but I meant the act of being walked down the aisle whih is quite often refered to as being given away...

Lol my biological dad isn't going to be happy about it but then he won't be invited anyway. I've always felt it was a big thing for dads to walk brides down the aisle and that's why it's important to me, I was never able to change my name to my stepdads so him "giving me away" is the only traditional thing I can give him in recognition of me feeling he is my dad.

I don't want a traditional wedding in any other sense, and I can get out of wearing a white dress even better! Though my mum and sister Weren't impressed when I told them about my hypothetical plans

Sorry rambelling!

Mojisola

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Not being pedantic but I meant the act of being walked down the aisle whih is quite often refered to as being given away...

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" used to be part of the marriage ceremony. The woman was under the "ownership" of her father who she was expected to obey until she was passed onto her husband.

victory

Saturnalia wrote: »

She hasn't been back on to update. I was hoping earlier in the week that she was busy announcing her engagement in real life and off in a sugared almond haze, but as the week has gone on it looks less likely.

Oh still no update, can't be a positive

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

Oh still no update, can't be a positive

She's being online but hasn't posted so the weekend couldn't have gone well.