Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

Georgiegirl256

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I'm still confused by he will ask her when "the time is right" so really that could be never? Give him say 3 months and then tell him you want to start planning a wedding on date X and so can you have the ring.

What's the big deal about the ring? IMO most people don't particularly respond well to an ultimatum.

I highlighted the word 'you' above, because shouldn't it be 'they' that plan the wedding....together.

My husband doesn't like all the faff that comes with organising a wedding, and nor do I as it happens, that why we just had a simple wedding just us and our parents, and as the planning got underway, my husband got stuck in with everything too, which is the way it should be.

I'm glad the OP managed to have a word with her OH and feels a bit calmer about the situation now.

Ivrytwr3

Milliebob wrote: »

I asked if when he'd bought the ring had I pressure him into and he felt he couldn't say no, to which he responded that no he didn't feel pressured but wasn't expecting the finance to be approved, so he didn't expect that day to be coming home with a ring.

So, he thought the finance wouldn't go through? So with that in his mind he offered to buy you a ring?

I think that sounds like he knows he is dragging his feet, so to appease you he takes you for the ring; back of his mind thinking he can't get the credit, so when it's refused he can apologise, blame his credit, but hey at least he tried - which will buy him more time to string you along.

I bet his face was a picture when the [EMAIL="s@les"]s@les[/EMAIL] staff said "That's fine Sir. Would you like it gift wrapped?"

burnoutbabe

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

What's the big deal about the ring? IMO most people don't particularly respond well to an ultimatum.

I highlighted the word 'you' above, because shouldn't it be 'they' that plan the wedding....together.

My husband doesn't like all the faff that comes with organising a wedding, and nor do I as it happens, that why we just had a simple wedding just us and our parents, and as the planning got underway, my husband got stuck in with everything too, which is the way it should be.

I'm glad the OP managed to have a word with her OH and feels a bit calmer about the situation now.

the deal about the ring was that it was bought in anticipation of a proposal being imminent. I'm sure a proposal without a ring would also be fine (though odd now everyone knows a ring has been bought).

If he doesn't want to make a commitment to the woman he lives with and has a child with, well best off knowing sooner rather than later and making one's own plans really.

Hey, why not buy the boyfriend a new xbox one, take him out and buy it with him, then put it away and only give it to him "when you feel its right".

seashore22

I don't understand this scenario at all.

You live together.

You have a child together.

You have discussed marriage.

There is a ring waiting to be put on your finger.

He doesn't think the time is right!

Honestly what more does the man want, apart from possibly a real desire to marry you OP? Sorry that was a bit harsh.

For what is worth my husband of 30 years proposed without a ring and we went out to buy it together. We were married 3 months later.

paulineb_2

burnoutbabe wrote: »

Under pressure? to show commitment before bringing another child into a relationship? to want legal and financial protection for that child?

Yes, evil woman!

I'm still confused by he will ask her when "the time is right" so really that could be never? Give him say 3 months and then tell him you want to start planning a wedding on date X and so can you have the ring.

Or maybe someone who is just desperate to get wed and the conversations about getting married are putting the bf off. I actually think theres nothing wrong with not wanting to put the ring on her finger the same night he bought it, but possibly if someone is bending your ear about it, it will be off putting. If she had left things as they were, he might have proposed on Christmas Day and shed be wearing the ring by now.

As someone else said, desperation isnt the best way to approach it, back off a bit which she has done and things might sort themselves.

If they have different views about marriage this should have been addressed long ago.

cheeswright

I am aware that there was a time - a very brief time - when it was considered proper for a woman to wait to be asked to be married,
but its not the case now,
nor was it for most of recorded history

why cant she ask him ?
even buy him a ring if she's into rings..

this whole thing seems ridiculously painful for no good reason
and if this is the level of this couples communication on an issue that apparently means so much to one of them then perhaps its best not to be a couple
bewildering

Milliebob

FYI in case anybody's interested, I'm still waiting....

icklejulez

Just came across this thread, oh dear! Is the ring still there? Have you and your partner had a chat recently about the future? I would be really annoyed at this point. The gesture of buying the ring in front of you is just cruel. I'm sorry to be blunt, but Id be presuming he had changed his mind, in which case a chat may be very important so you can both get your feelings out.

Gloomendoom

Milliebob wrote: »

FYI in case anybody's interested, I'm still waiting....

Don't tell us, tell him.

Pollycat

Milliebob wrote: »

FYI in case anybody's interested, I'm still waiting....

Aw, that's really sad, Milliebob.

Are things OK between you both?

Do you have a special occasion coming up soon that he might be waiting for?
e.g. a birthday or even something like the anniversary of the day you first met?