Not being told, finding out by accident

victory

Domayne wrote: »

I can understand why you'd be angry if you guys are having a hard time financially and I don't know how you two work your budget/who earns the money etc, He should have spoken to you about it - Maybe it slipped his mind? but I'd also be annoyed and defensive if my partner called me up at work and attacked me over a purchase I made for a family member - particularly if they were close to me, Is he close to this person?

Close? They see each other maybe once a year... Slipped his mind? hum not sure how a large purchase could? Attacked? It was a why? Questioning:D and at work have explained that:D

Alikay

victory wrote: »

Yes taking that aside what hurts the most is the amount of money knowing we cannot afford it and the not being asked/ told/ involved in what I consider to be a large amount of money that could have been much better spent for our needs and who knew we had so much spare? Certainly not me

There lies your problem: Clearly he wanted to buy that item, and you wanted to spend much less. Sometimes there IS no compromise, and someone gets their own way whilst the other doesn't. To be fair it was a gift for a family member at £55 rather than £5k on a new motorbike and in this situation I'd have let him have his own way because it mattered to him so much.

The method he used isn't great, but you DO come across as a fairly assertive lady , so I suspect a bit of blokey "what she doesn't see won't hurt her..." tactics were used. Except you did see .

Is it worth a major bust up over £55? Will you really go hungry now he's spent it?

Domayne

lol...well if he sees them once a year and you guys are in financial problems...I can understand your side of things better
I meant slipped his mind like...some people don't see £55 as much money these days, and even though your having problems...that part slipped his mind and he just thought they would like it and bought it?
I don't know your other half so I'm just explaining how I think like...I bought my 'aunt' a chucky doll that cost around £60 for xmas and I hardly ever see her either, just because my mum said she would like it LOL

victory

Person_one wrote: »

Maybe you should have a pre-agreed limit on what can be spent without consultation, and above that you need to check with each other.

It would have to work both ways of course.

Well I always thought we did, not actually discussed written in stone or anything but I always thought over £10 ( not food etc) but washing machines, high purchases, holidays, cars, you know all the stuff that has to be discussed, saved for, that will impact on jont accounts, savings, I thought that was what we did.

I'm wracking my brains as to me, ever purchasing a gift for £55 , no, not done it, no:D

Acc72

bebewoo wrote: »

I'm glad I'm not married.

In general, or just not married to Victory ?

victory

hazyjo wrote: »

I find 'his relative' a bit vague. If it were for his child from a previous relationship, or his mum or dad, or sibling, I would say that. Bit different to some aunt somewhere he rarely sees.

Are you sure it wasn't something he was asked to buy? What did you think he bought them, or did he lie about the price (or did you not ask)?

£55 is a hell of a lot to some, not a lot to others. Maybe whoever he bought it for asked for it not realising it was that expensive. I'd think nothing spending £55 on my mum at Christmas, but I wouldn't be spending more than a tenner on most friends, and wouldn't buy for any relatives other than immediate family. Girl opposite me at work buys for every man and his dog (quite literally the dog lol) - including shop staff, all family, her cat and any other close family pets! Honestly, she spends a fortune (and can't really afford to).

Also, are you sure that was for a relative and not someone else?! Was it something personal? Don't want to rock the boat, but worth mentioning with the brief info you've given us...

Jx

Relative not vague, family member:D no affair, no lover:D his relative address is the delivery address so no worries there and yes I think £55 is a load of money I would not spend on anyone because I don't have it to spend:D

victory

Alikay wrote: »

There lies your problem: Clearly he wanted to buy that item, and you wanted to spend much less. Sometimes there IS no compromise, and someone gets their own way whilst the other doesn't. To be fair it was a gift for a family member at £55 rather than £5k on a new motorbike and in this situation I'd have let him have his own way because it mattered to him so much.

The method he used isn't great, but you DO come across as a fairly assertive lady , so I suspect a bit of blokey "what she doesn't see won't hurt her..." tactics were used. Except you did see .

Is it worth a major bust up over £55? Will you really go hungry now he's spent it?

It's the 17 the there's 2 weeks to pay day £55 would have helped a lot:D it would have never been reciprocated, major bust up? Nah just another nail in the coffin:D

victory

Acc72 wrote: »

In general, or just not married to Victory ?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: oh I know there are a lot worse out there:rotfl:

pukkamum

Any chance he'd had a xmas drink when he purchased it?

is it because he only sees this person once a year he spent more than the norm?

Tbh if it was money for essentials I would have thought you would have missed it before now, clearly you hadn't noticed the sum missing from the bank.

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

I found an email for OH confirming his delivery address and date for a gift he bought his relative for £55:eek:

Bearing in mind we have a tax bill to pay by the 31st, money is too tight to mention, Xmas has just gone and never have I spent that amount on a gift without consultation

I wouldn't have phoned him about this - I would have waited until he arrived home to raise the subject - but I would have been annoyed and upset about an unnecessary £55 spend when there are bills to be paid.