Weddings Abroad bit Presumptuous

thorsoak

catkins wrote: »

I would find it difficult in this situation as I would want to go to a sibling's wedding. If I couldn't easily afford for all my family to go though I would turn down the invitation.


I personally think it is pretty selfish to get married abroad unless you do it because you don't want anyone else there

If you are a close family, who want to do things as a family - then this question wouldn't even arise! You'd arrange a marriage that is easily accessible for Uncle Tom Cobley and all!

The OP says that he and his sister were as thick as thieves as children, but have now drifted apart - well that's what happens sadly - and he and his sister have drifted far enough apart for her not to appreciate that the OP's family circumstances are not as hers - so she cannot expect him to be there.

Its more that people want to propogate the large extended family - but that is not the same (and hasn't been) for quite a long time now - back in the 1960s, my grandparents came down from Scotland, along with a maiden aunt - but my other aunts, uncles and cousins weren't there - and in the 1980s, when my daughter married, whilst uncles & aunts were there, not all the cousins were.

And in any case - if a couple cannot be a tad selfish on their wedding day - when the h*ll can they be?

theoretica

If you decide not to go you could ask if the wedding will be broadcast on the web so you can be there from afar, as it were.

paddy's_mum

The bride may be your sister, and you may think the world of her, but why would you put her dream above what your wife and children can look forward to and deserve?

FBaby

It all comes down to how you feel about it. My family still all lived in my native country. When I announced I was getting married, I definitely expected my parents and their partner, as well as one of my brother, but really didn't think my step-sister would care much to come. We always got along but were never close and had not seen each other for 5 years and never really communicated beyond wishing each other's birthday. In my mind, it was obvious I would invite her and her family, but expected her to say she couldn't come, especially as they both work full-time and although a week-end, wasn't during school holiday.

I was really surprised when firstly she expressed how touched she was that I had invited them (???) and wouldn't think of missing it. They stayed at our hotel (quite expensive) for two nights, paid for meals, flights, and even gave us a very generous amount of money as a present even though we asked for nothing. We had a wonderful time and was so happy to see her again. It was very much like a reunion and afterwards felt so grateful that she came.

However, I have to be very honest that if it'd been the other way around (she isn't married to her partner although together for 8 years), I wouldn't have been so excited and would have felt a bit forced to go to something that seemed a lot of money for what it was. However, seeing how wonderful it was to have her at my wedding, I now would feel totally different if she announced her wedding.

catkins

thorsoak wrote: »

If you are a close family, who want to do things as a family - then this question wouldn't even arise! You'd arrange a marriage that is easily accessible for Uncle Tom Cobley and all!

The OP says that he and his sister were as thick as thieves as children, but have now drifted apart - well that's what happens sadly - and he and his sister have drifted far enough apart for her not to appreciate that the OP's family circumstances are not as hers - so she cannot expect him to be there.

And in any case - if a couple cannot be a tad selfish on their wedding day - when the h*ll can they be?

In most cases it is probably true that if you are a close family you either wouldn't get married abroad or if you did it would be because you knew your family could afford it and were happy with it or you were paying for them.


Unfortunately it seems some couples (especially the bride) get so wrapped up in everything they don't stop to think about how other people are going to feel about their choices.


Be as selfish as you want if you are not going to invite anyone. Me and OH thought about going away somewhere to get married BUT it would have been just the two of us. We would never have assumed that people would be prepared to pay out to travel and probably for hotels etc.


We decided in the end that we wanted our family there and I knew my parents would be really upset if they were not at our wedding.


If you want to go off to another country fine but don't expect all your invited guests to be able to afford to or even to want to.

duchy

pelirocco wrote: »

But in doing so you may also run the risk of not having the people closest to you witness you getting married . Tbh I thought one of the most important things about a wedding is to share it with loved ones


I have a friend whose daughter is getting married in the US , her future mother in law is disabled and cannot fly , her bridegroom to be is an only child , I find that so sad ( and selfish of the couple )

How very judgmental of you. Often there are very good reasons why people choose to marry abroad that they choose not to share with the world - especially those who like to gossip.

andygb

Rottensocks wrote: »

Surely the whole point of getting married abroad is to deliberately limit the number of people who attend?

As far as I could see, the point of the weddings which we attended abroad, was to show off afterwards - "look where we went, look how many people came to our expensive destination".

andygb

Pollycat wrote: »

But when getting married abroad, aren't you limiting the people who can attend based on the financial circumstances of the people you invite?

I think I'd rather limit the number of people who could attend by deciding who was the most important to me, not who has got the most spare cash.

That is indeed what most normal people do, but in the case of "bridezillas" or even "groomzillas", money seems to be at the heart of everything, and being in expensive hotels, visiting exotic locations, having rich friends who can "splash the cash", is far more preferable than being "boringly normal".

andygb

fluffnutter wrote: »

Oh God, don't get me started. If you want to marry abroad and you expect particular individuals to come, you offer to pay for them. Simples. You're demanding and rude if you don't.

"I want you to do this for me. And by the way, it's gonna cost you 500 quid". Jeez.

Thanks for posting this Fluffnutter, it sums up entirely what we went through about seven years ago:(
Emotional blackmail used on direct members of a family is a pretty horrible thing to go through, and the fallout can cause big rifts and destroy relationships.

Faith177

Person_one wrote: »

That's a bit of a stretch, especially the bolded! :rotfl:

I know what you mean two of our close friends are getting married in Punta Cana in the Dom Republic.

When me and Oh looked into it a week is going to cost us over 3K. Us and a large group of their close friends (all the boys lived together at Uni so have know each other for 10+ years and are like brothers) have all had to say no.

The groom is really upset but it's where the bride wanted so he is just going along with it too make her happy.

She said they have no plans to do anything on their return just because in her opinion then there would have been no point in going away in the first place