Weddings Abroad bit Presumptuous

barbiedoll

So OP has been with his partner for 20 years and has a family with her and yet he is expected to fly off to a wedding alone and to "treat it as a holiday"?

Why does no-one appear to think about giving his partner a "holiday" too? Do partner and sis not get along?

I've been with my husband for almost 20 years and if he was invited to a wedding abroad and was expected to go along without me and our offspring, I'd be livid! (Well, I wouldn't mind leaving the offspring at home ). Maybe because OP isn't married, sis thinks that his partner is not so important?

Yes, it is a bit presumptuous, not to mention rude!

cheeswright

I hate it when people try to oblige me to do things I don’t want to do / cant afford, and find very often the best solution is to re present the problem back to them with a firm NO and and perhapse alternate offers which are possible for you - this (below) for instance showing that you would love to spend time with her - that you don’t mind sharing your family holiday with her - that if she wants you to come she can pay if she wants to.

"Dear Sis
Firstly , Congratulations. A wedding in " somewhere stupidly expensive you have chosen" sounds just perfect.
and whilst I'd love to help you celebrate the occasion on the day I'm afraid the family finances just cant run to it this year.
I don’t however want you to feel obliged to pay for us and would like to suggest an alternative.
I would love it if you and your fianc! would like to join us on a camping weekend once your back ! you could pitch up next to us on " date a time location somewhere you’d actually like to go as a family inserted here"
I would love this as we could get to spend some real time together and I would of course love to see all the lovely photos and hear how it all went. the kids would be made up to see you. "

something like this puts all the obligation back on your sister but also shows you love her and will put yourself out for her...

that’s my two pennys worth..

andygb

cheeswright wrote: »

I hate it when people try to oblige me to do things I don’t want to do / cant afford, and find very often the best solution is to re present the problem back to them with a firm NO and and perhapse alternate offers which are possible for you - this (below) for instance showing that you would love to spend time with her - that you don’t mind sharing your family holiday with her - that if she wants you to come she can pay if she wants to.

"Dear Sis
Firstly , Congratulations. A wedding in " somewhere stupidly expensive you have chosen" sounds just perfect.
and whilst I'd love to help you celebrate the occasion on the day I'm afraid the family finances just cant run to it this year.
I don’t however want you to feel obliged to pay for us and would like to suggest an alternative.
I would love it if you and your fianc! would like to join us on a camping weekend once your back ! you could pitch up next to us on " date a time location somewhere you’d actually like to go as a family inserted here"
I would love this as we could get to spend some real time together and I would of course love to see all the lovely photos and hear how it all went. the kids would be made up to see you. "

something like this puts all the obligation back on your sister but also shows you love her and will put yourself out for her...

that’s my two pennys worth..

:beer:
A brilliant suggestion.

jackieblack

barbiedoll wrote: »

So OP has been with his partner for 20 years and has a family with her and yet he is expected to fly off to a wedding alone and to "treat it as a holiday"?

Why does no-one appear to think about giving his partner a "holiday" too? Do partner and sis not get along?

I've been with my husband for almost 20 years and if he was invited to a wedding abroad and was expected to go along without me and our offspring, I'd be livid! (Well, I wouldn't mind leaving the offspring at home ). Maybe because OP isn't married, sis thinks that his partner is not so important?

Yes, it is a bit presumptuous, not to mention rude!

Financial limitations have ruled out the family travelling to the wedding

cheeswright

andygb wrote: »

:beer:
A brilliant suggestion.

thank you !

the thing I love about this approach is that the person who make the first request is now the one who has to come up with the excuses...
and you don’t even have to book the camping - or similar - you can suggest a possible location and date...with a we were thinking of going to....x....on

I suspect there’s almost no chance of them wanting to come if I read this right..

Georgiegirl256

I'm going to go completely against the grain here. Nowhere in this thread have I read that the OP's sister 'automatically presumes' that the OP and his family will definitely be going.

It is totally up the bride and groom where they want their wedding to take place, and if that is abroad, then so be it. Obviously if you choose for it to be abroad, you have to expect that a lot of people might not be able to go, it all depends on how important that is to you.

Unless she is a total bridezilla who will take an almighty huff if you don't go, then, then that is her and her HTB choice, and no one should call it stupid, selfish or anything else.

The only thing for the OP to do is to tell her what he's said here, who knows what her reaction might be

jackieblack

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I'm going to go completely against the grain here. Nowhere in this thread have I read that the OP's sister 'automatically presumes' that the OP and his family will definitely be going.

It is totally up the bride and groom where they want their wedding to take place, and if that is abroad, then so be it. Obviously if you choose for it to be abroad, you have to expect that a lot of people might not be able to go, it all depends on how important that is to you.

Unless she is a total bridezilla who will take an almighty huff if you don't go, then, then that is her and her HTB choice, and no one should call it stupid, selfish or anything else.

The only thing for the OP to do is to tell her what he's said here, who knows what her reaction might be

post#15 page 1
OP says

FishHookPockets wrote: »

Thankyou for the replies. I think it is assumed I will attend and that I will be alone, and have been told to treat it as a holiday (I think her indoors and the kids will love that!)
We were as thick as thieves as kids but she seldom bothers to see her siblings or parents in recent years.

Georgiegirl256

"I think it is assumed I will attend". 'I think' being the important words here. Until the OP asks, all he is doing is assuming.

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

"I think it is assumed I will attend". 'I think' being the important words here. Until the OP asks, all he is doing is assuming.

He's also been 'told' to treat it as a holiday, don't forget.

fluffnutter

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

"I think it is assumed I will attend". 'I think' being the important words here. Until the OP asks, all he is doing is assuming.

Semantics. I'm sure he knows his sister well enough to interpret her expectations correctly.