Weddings Abroad bit Presumptuous

FishHookPockets

Thanks for replies. Just to clear a few things up. It is my sister who said to treat it as a holiday. They are not trying to avoid family the grooms well heeled family are attending down to cousins. Hence it is assumed by my sister that her family will come. It is a rush job and is ending up in cross words between family outside of the couple. I am not keen on rows, I do a lot for my parents but have been laid right into, I've had calls telling me I'm this and that then they hang up. I ain't got money but I have time for people. Thinking of just going the Hebrides until its blown over.

Person_one

FishHookPockets wrote: »

Thanks for replies. Just to clear a few things up. It is my sister who said to treat it as a holiday. They are not trying to avoid family the grooms well heeled family are attending down to cousins. Hence it is assumed by my sister that her family will come. It is a rush job and is ending up in cross words between family outside of the couple. I am not keen on rows, I do a lot for my parents but have been laid right into, I've had calls telling me I'm this and that then they hang up. I ain't got money but I have time for people. Thinking of just going the Hebrides until its blown over.

Sounds like a good plan!

You could always e-mail them this thread.

Pollycat

FishHookPockets wrote: »

Thanks for replies. Just to clear a few things up. It is my sister who said to treat it as a holiday. They are not trying to avoid family the grooms well heeled family are attending down to cousins. Hence it is assumed by my sister that her family will come. It is a rush job and is ending up in cross words between family outside of the couple. I am not keen on rows, I do a lot for my parents but have been laid right into, I've had calls telling me I'm this and that then they hang up. I ain't got money but I have time for people. Thinking of just going the Hebrides until its blown over.

Can't you get across to your sister that it is simply not possible financially (let's not even get into how unfair it is on your family) for you to attend this wedding?

If she can't understand that, then she's not worth much as a sibling (imho).

If she can grasp that simple fact, then she should be on your side, explaining to your parents (is it them who are ringing you up and laying in to you?) that it's not fair to expect you to attend.

Good luck with sorting this out.

mrcow

FishHookPockets wrote: »

Thanks for replies. Just to clear a few things up. It is my sister who said to treat it as a holiday. They are not trying to avoid family the grooms well heeled family are attending down to cousins. Hence it is assumed by my sister that her family will come. It is a rush job and is ending up in cross words between family outside of the couple. I am not keen on rows, I do a lot for my parents but have been laid right into, I've had calls telling me I'm this and that then they hang up. I ain't got money but I have time for people. Thinking of just going the Hebrides until its blown over.

Well that's a plan, it's nice there.

Just RSVP saying that you're sorry, but you can't attend. And rise above everything else. The bride and groom will get over it. They have chosen the wedding they want and they should respect the logistical limitations on others. If someone calls up trying to be insulting/argumentative, just tell them that you're not getting involved in an argument.

Take the higher ground and get on with your life. Things will blow over. Saying something now to family that you may regret later is a mistake.

andygb

This is just so typical of these situations - the "Super wedding" - where the couple are completely aloof to their relations and friends, the problems and the emotion.
First you get the emotional blackmail - "Oh you HAVE to come, you can't miss your sister's/brother's (insert as necessary) wedding".
Then you get to the nasty stuff, where the couple/close relations call you mean and selfish for suggesting that you cannot afford to go - Oh the irony of it.
Then it can get to the stage where people (usually close relations) threaten to never talk to you again.
We have been there, done it, got the tshirt, and to be honest we are better off without certain people who expect a lot, but never give anything in return.
FishHookPockets, you seem a decent person, so you have to stand up to these people, and be quite straight with them.
If at the end of the day, they think you are in the wrong, then that says an awful lot about their character and their distorted view of the World.

MrsE_2

My dd plans to marry abroad, but she wouldn't dream of insisting anyone attends.
Perhaps you sister feels like that, nice if you can, but no problem if you can't.

Pollycat

FishHookPockets wrote: »

Thanks for replies. Just to clear a few things up. It is my sister who said to treat it as a holiday. They are not trying to avoid family the grooms well heeled family are attending down to cousins. Hence it is assumed by my sister that her family will come. It is a rush job and is ending up in cross words between family outside of the couple. I am not keen on rows, I do a lot for my parents but have been laid right into, I've had calls telling me I'm this and that then they hang up. I ain't got money but I have time for people. Thinking of just going the Hebrides until its blown over.

Just a thought - are the rest of your family 'well-heeled' or, at least, not struggling for money?

If they aren't, why would your sister assume that her family can do the same as her husband-to-be's family?

Have you had a really good chat with your sister and explained things as you have to us on here?
If you have, and she still doesn't get it, I'm afraid you're probably wasting your time.
She'll never get it.

If you haven't, I'd try to arrange a face-to-face meeting (if possible) to let her know exactly why you are not attending.
If she is so selfish that she can't understand why you're putting your family first, then she's not worth much as a sister.

BitterAndTwisted

"is ending up in cross words between family outside of the couple".


It sounds to me like the OP s getting grief from his own parents, not the presumptuous bride-to-be.

OP: if your parents are that keen for you and your family to attend then they can put their hands in their own damned pockets!

Georgiegirl256

FishHookPockets wrote: »

Thanks for replies. Just to clear a few things up. It is my sister who said to treat it as a holiday. They are not trying to avoid family the grooms well heeled family are attending down to cousins. Hence it is assumed by my sister that her family will come. It is a rush job and is ending up in cross words between family outside of the couple. I am not keen on rows, I do a lot for my parents but have been laid right into, I've had calls telling me I'm this and that then they hang up. I ain't got money but I have time for people. Thinking of just going the Hebrides until its blown over.

You keep on saying "assumed by my sister", have you even had a convo with her telling her you can't afford it? Or is she just "assuming" you can?

Like others have said, even after you have mentioned that you can't afford it, if people keep on giving you grief, then that's bad, but most people if you explain the situation accept it.

catkins

andygb wrote: »

This is just so typical of these situations - the "Super wedding" - where the couple are completely aloof to their relations and friends, the problems and the emotion.
First you get the emotional blackmail - "Oh you HAVE to come, you can't miss your sister's/brother's (insert as necessary) wedding".
Then you get to the nasty stuff, where the couple/close relations call you mean and selfish for suggesting that you cannot afford to go - Oh the irony of it.
Then it can get to the stage where people (usually close relations) threaten to never talk to you again.
We have been there, done it, got the tshirt, and to be honest we are better off without certain people who expect a lot, but never give anything in return.
FishHookPockets, you seem a decent person, so you have to stand up to these people, and be quite straight with them.
If at the end of the day, they think you are in the wrong, then that says an awful lot about their character and their distorted view of the World.

When and why did getting married become this "I have to have the biggest showiest most expensive wedding"?


Ok if you can afford it but I will never understand all this business about chair bows and other stupid completely unnecessary expenses.