Weddings Abroad bit Presumptuous

Tropez

Person_one wrote: »

Its not really that simple, don't worry.

There's nothing wrong with having a big posh expensive wedding if you can afford it, and if you don't screw your guests and family over to get it.

Issues seem to arise when people want the big posh wedding but can't really afford it, go into debt, leave themselves broke for years afterwards, alienate all their loved ones in the process and are so stressed out by the wedding day its a wonder they can get through the vows!

We had an expensive wedding; wouldn't call it posh because it wasn't really (I'm not a posh person you see) but it was abroad and the costs mounted up quite a lot but at the end of the day the only people who we invited had their airfare and accommodation paid for by us so that seemed to work fine.

Person_one

Tropez wrote: »

We had an expensive wedding; wouldn't call it posh because it wasn't really (I'm not a posh person you see) but it was abroad and the costs mounted up quite a lot but at the end of the day the only people who we invited had their airfare and accommodation paid for by us so that seemed to work fine.

Bingo, that's the way to have a wedding abroad!

claire16c

Tropez wrote: »

Well that's encouraging

I've probably been to around 7 or 8 weddings in the past 3-4 years. One couple is now divorced and their wedding was probably the cheapest & simplest one. Another is divorced too and I'd say they had a fairly average wedding for nowadays. I don't think the money people spend has much to do with it at all, they clearly weren't right for each other in the first place the wedding was irrelevant!

mtc95 wrote: »

Agreed - but you don't have to go abroad to avoid all that. You can avoid it equally well in the UK.

Of course, but it seems to very easy to get sucked into. When you go abroad there is a lot of stuff you can either have someone there arrange for you or you just don't bother with.

jackieblack

claire16c wrote: »

I've probably been to around 7 or 8 weddings in the past 3-4 years. One couple is now divorced and their wedding was probably the cheapest & simplest one. Another is divorced too and I'd say they had a fairly average wedding for nowadays. I don't think the money people spend has much to do with it at all, they clearly weren't right for each other in the first place the wedding was irrelevant!

I've been to about 40 weddings over the last 25 years. Of the 10 'flashiest' ALL the couples are now divorced. Of the 10 simplest, all but one of the couples are still together (the husband of the other couple died).
Of course it's not as simple as 'money spent = likelyhood of marriage failing', but I get the sense that some couples get so carried away with the 'frills and fancy' and put more effort into 'the big day' than the marriage itself.

andygb

jackieblack wrote: »

I've been to about 40 weddings over the last 25 years. Of the 10 'flashiest' ALL the couples are now divorced. Of the 10 simplest, all but one of the couples are still together (the husband of the other couple died).
Of course it's not as simple as 'money spent = likelyhood of marriage failing', but I get the sense that some couples get so carried away with the 'frills and fancy' and put more effort into 'the big day' than the marriage itself.

I think that our marriage "tally" is about the same, and I have noticed something else about the more expensive ones, particularly the two in exotic foreign locations.
For both the "trophy" weddings, the brides were from the same family - very materialistic, judging people by their possesions, showing off about their designer goods (to the extent of attempting to ridicule us about our PAYG phones in our own home).
The build up to these weddings took a couple of years, with a distinct pattern. Wedding fairs being visited every week, and the final location changed a few times. As the day grew closer, the people involved became more stressed and bad tempered, to the extent where I really did not want anything to do with them. I went along with it to please my OH (who now admits it was a waste of time and money), because it meant a lot to her. When we arrived at the first location (the only relatives outside the immediate families to go), we were told NOT to bother them before the wedding because they had a lot to organise - charming! Anyway, we went our way and left them to it, and treated the whole thing as a holiday. After the wedding however, they wanted to meet up with us, because they assumed that WE were going to take them out for a meal - apparently us spending £1000's of pounds to get to their wedding wasn't enough.
The icing on the cake, was when we got back to the UK and the brides mother had a go at us for not buying them a wedding present:eek:
So, for the second wedding a few years ago, I set down some rules. We would treat it as a holiday, and only meet them on the day for the wedding - that all went pear shaped as well, so we don't see them any more - which is good;)

claire16c

jackieblack wrote: »

I've been to about 40 weddings over the last 25 years. Of the 10 'flashiest' ALL the couples are now divorced. Of the 10 simplest, all but one of the couples are still together (the husband of the other couple died).
Of course it's not as simple as 'money spent = likelyhood of marriage failing', but I get the sense that some couples get so carried away with the 'frills and fancy' and put more effort into 'the big day' than the marriage itself.

I know peoples of my parents age who had much simpler weddings and they are now divorced. I really think it has nothing to do with it. Some people have expensive weddings simply because their families can afford it and thats it.

Even someone planning a fairly simple wedding can become obsessed with certain aspects of it and it becomes all about the wedding and not whats going to happen afterwards.

For example the couple we know who had a simple affair and are now divorced, were on and off with each other and got engaged and unengaged more times than I can remember before getting married, the guy admitted to us a while ago they were too young to get married and rushed into it.

If the brides parents were perhaps better off the wedding might have been a lot flashier and then people might be linking the two ad blaming that!

andygb wrote: »

I think that our marriage "tally" is about the same, and I have noticed something else about the more expensive ones, particularly the two in exotic foreign locations.
For both the "trophy" weddings, the brides were from the same family - very materialistic, judging people by their possesions, showing off about their designer goods (to the extent of attempting to ridicule us about our PAYG phones in our own home).
The build up to these weddings took a couple of years, with a distinct pattern. Wedding fairs being visited every week, and the final location changed a few times. As the day grew closer, the people involved became more stressed and bad tempered, to the extent where I really did not want anything to do with them. I went along with it to please my OH (who now admits it was a waste of time and money), because it meant a lot to her. When we arrived at the first location (the only relatives outside the immediate families to go), we were told NOT to bother them before the wedding because they had a lot to organise - charming! Anyway, we went our way and left them to it, and treated the whole thing as a holiday. After the wedding however, they wanted to meet up with us, because they assumed that WE were going to take them out for a meal - apparently us spending £1000's of pounds to get to their wedding wasn't enough.
The icing on the cake, was when we got back to the UK and the brides mother had a go at us for not buying them a wedding present:eek:
So, for the second wedding a few years ago, I set down some rules. We would treat it as a holiday, and only meet them on the day for the wedding - that all went pear shaped as well, so we don't see them any more - which is good;)

Sounds to me that people like that would act in a rude way regardless of the type of wedding they had and probably are like that in various situations.

red_devil

Its up to you if you go.
Dont stress. Its her day and as long as she and groom are there it dosent matter.

my oh brother had a lavish do at different venues, cost a fortune divorced now.

foolofbeans

It is unfair of OP's family to expect him to attend but I wonder if they realise how financially strapped OP is?
It's never nice to have to discuss finances with family but this might be the time to do it. I wonder if OP has mentioned he cannot afford for the wife and children to also attend and that is why it is believed he can attend alone?

Inform sister and parents you do not have the money to get there with or without your wife and children. If you have already mentioned you could possibly afford it by going alone then it is time to say that you could never justify leaving your wife and children behind and causing a year of financial stress in order to spend one day with your sister.

There can be plenty of days together with your sister after the wedding and the wedding day is such a whirlwind she probably won't even have time to miss you.

FishHookPockets

UPDATE:
Well I tried to explain I didn't want to come alone but then my relationship never seems to be taken seriously (been together for 15 years) was phoned on valentines day once asking if I would collect my sister and her then partner from a restaurant 'cos all I was doing was cooking a meal at home!
Anyway She wouldn't take no for an answer when I spoke to her, it ended up being leaked from my parents whilst I was at work. The result was as I had expected all along an abusive message saying they understand I don't have the free cash but I should put myself out, and they will not be speaking to me for the foreseeable future.
I presume put my self out means use my credit card and come alone.
I found the last comment extremely hurtful, I lose count of how many times I have helped with moving, fixing, lend stuff (even having to drop it off and collect it when I need it). I would help you if I saw you struggling to carry something and I would give family money for something urgent like car repairs . Once marriages ended in a big booze up and maybe a drunken scuffle. Now they end up with people not talking before the events taken place.

Mojisola

FishHookPockets wrote: »

Anyway She wouldn't take no for an answer when I spoke to her, it ended up being leaked from my parents whilst I was at work.

The result was as I had expected all along an abusive message saying they understand I don't have the free cash but I should put myself out, and they will not be speaking to me for the foreseeable future.

I found the last comment extremely hurtful, I lose count of how many times I have helped with moving, fixing, lend stuff (even having to drop it off and collect it when I need it).

If people who weren't relatives treated you like this, would you continue to have anything to do with them?

You've got a long-standing relationship with someone who isn't respected by these people.

Enjoy the hassle-free period while they're not talking to you!