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Weddings Abroad bit Presumptuous

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  • pelirocco
    pelirocco Posts: 8,275 Forumite
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    Rottensocks wrote: »
    Surely the whole point of getting married abroad is to deliberately limit the number of people who attend?


    But in doing so you may also run the risk of not having the people closest to you witness you getting married . Tbh I thought one of the most important things about a wedding is to share it with loved ones


    I have a friend whose daughter is getting married in the US , her future mother in law is disabled and cannot fly , her bridegroom to be is an only child , I find that so sad ( and selfish of the couple )
    Vuja De - the feeling you'll be here later
  • pelirocco
    pelirocco Posts: 8,275 Forumite
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    mrcow wrote: »
    Well you could say that about pretty much anything.

    Do you want to go to your sister's wedding or not? If you do, then the price is worth it.

    If not, then decline the invite politely and move on.

    You don't need to make an issue of it. I'm sure they are prepared for people declining considering it's abroad. If you are not that close and aren't bothered, thenn just don't go.


    You havent read the OPs posts have you
    Vuja De - the feeling you'll be here later
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    pelirocco wrote: »
    But in doing so you may also run the risk of not having the people closest to you witness you getting married . Tbh I thought one of the most important things about a wedding is to share it with loved ones


    I have a friend whose daughter is getting married in the US , her future mother in law is disabled and cannot fly , her bridegroom to be is an only child , I find that so sad ( and selfish of the couple )

    It really depends on the couple and the family. If a couple don't have good relationships with parents, are generally private people etc etc. then a small wedding abroad with just the two of them or just a few extra guests (that they pay for!) can be just right for them.

    In a closer family, with no strained relationships or bad history, then it can be very thoughtless and mean to send the message that having a wedding in the sun at an expensive resort is more important to you than having the people you love there.
  • mrcow
    mrcow Posts: 15,170 Forumite
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    Person_one wrote: »
    Well, I don't think its that simple!

    I'd love to go to my sister's wedding if its happening with an hour's journey of home and only takes 12 hours from start to finish on a Saturday, add in a plane fare and a week's annual leave and its an altogether different prospect.

    I meant in the location where it's actually happening!

    If the OP is saying that they could afford it, but could buy something for the house instead, then you can say that about pretty much anything.

    If the OP WANTS to go (it doesn't sound like they do btw), then it will be worth the expense to them.
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
    Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."
  • mrcow
    mrcow Posts: 15,170 Forumite
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    pelirocco wrote: »
    You havent read the OPs posts have you


    Yes I've read all of them.
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
    Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."
  • jackieblack
    jackieblack Posts: 10,579 Forumite
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    mrcow wrote: »
    If the OP is saying that they could afford it, but could buy something for the house instead, then you can say that about pretty much anything.

    If the OP WANTS to go (it doesn't sound like they do btw), then it will be worth the expense to them.

    But when you have a family you can't always spend savings on something that you want to do when they could be spent on something that would benefit the whole family.


    A relative of mine is getting married this summer. They originally thought they'd like to get married abroad but when a couple of close family members said they wouldn't be able to afford to go they changed their plans are now getting married close to home. They decided they wanted their close family members there more than they wanted a 'destination wedding' :)
    Everything will be alright in the end so, if it’s not yet alright, it means it’s not yet the end
    Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur
  • mrcow
    mrcow Posts: 15,170 Forumite
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    jackieblack wrote: »
    But when you have a family you can't always spend savings on something that you want to do when they could be spent on something that would benefit the whole family.


    A relative of mine is getting married this summer. They originally thought they'd like to get married abroad but when a couple of close family members said they wouldn't be able to afford to go they changed their plans are now getting married close to home. They decided they wanted their close family members there more than they wanted a 'destination wedding' :)

    It's like most things in life, you make a choice on what you'd prefer.

    If the OP's family have decided that's what they want for their wedding, then he needs to respect that and make the decision accordingly. If he really actually wanted to go, he'd be justifying the cost as a way of getting away and spending time with his extended family. The objections that are currently being raised make it sound like the OP doesn't want to go at all. In which case, just decline the invite and move on.

    It's not really that "presumptious" on the part of the bride and groom. I'm sure they are more than prepared for people to decline. Personally I would, in a heartbeat.
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
    Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."
  • fluffnutter
    fluffnutter Posts: 23,179 Forumite
    Oh God, don't get me started. If you want to marry abroad and you expect particular individuals to come, you offer to pay for them. Simples. You're demanding and rude if you don't.

    "I want you to do this for me. And by the way, it's gonna cost you 500 quid". Jeez.
    "Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell" - Edward Abbey.
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    fluffnutter wrote: »
    Oh God, don't get me started. If you want to marry abroad and you expect particular individuals to come, you offer to pay for them. Simples. You're demanding and rude if you don't.

    "I want you to do this for me. And by the way, it's gonna cost you 500 quid". Jeez.

    :T

    Although, to be honest, weddings in this country are getting to be a bit that way. I'm steeling myself for bridesmaid duties twice in the next 18 months, and I'm already having to try and subtly drop hints that I'm not going to be onboard with shelling out for everything myself so that there's more budget available for flippin' chair bows and birdcages on the tables.

    Roll on the thirties, when the divorces will probably outnumber the weddings!
  • jellyhead
    jellyhead Posts: 21,555 Forumite
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    I don't really 'get' why you've been told to treat it as a holiday. Fair enough it was all your mates and they were there without their families, but it's not, it's your family, and they will all have their families with them - so in what way would it be a holiday for you, when it seems like the sort of holiday where you would usually take your own family?

    My husband and I aren't joined at the hip - he goes away without me sometimes (and sometimes takes a child or two) as do I ... but for this sort of occasion, we'd want to be together or it wouldn't really be a 'holiday', if that makes sense?
    52% tight
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