OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

spirit

LavenderBees wrote: »

It's a horrible difficult situation for you all. Big hug!

Out of interest, what does your DD say when you tell her you won't be joining in the hen party etc? Does she understand your side of things at all? It is very hard if she seems to not understand that this will be difficult for you.

I think Byatt is correct though...imho, and it will be difficult, I know! but you need to be bigger than this petty woman, and breeze through this for your daughter's sake, regardless of how you feel inside. You certainly get under her skin or she wouldn't be commenting on you...don't let her get under your skin, too!

I suspect you will feel much better if you graciously welcome this woman...that will make her feel cr*p, that you are so lovely.....

You can do it, I'm sure.

Thanks everyone for your comments. No, the new wife has had nothing to do with their upbringing at all. DD was 20 and DS 21 when she 'knew' them both.

What rankles is that she tries to get DS and GF on 'her side' by saying how wonderful a mum she is (she's not btw, I know what her youngest was up to at age 14 :eek:) and how awful I was to take her to her uni accommodation a week before term started (it was freshers week) and how poor DD was lonely. It's all rubbish as I brought DD home after she'd been to the bits she wanted to at FW. DD is quite naiive and already subscribes to Team Newwife iykwim. DS also told me that newwife really would quite like to take my place altogether from the things she has said to him recently. He's said back to her that 'no thanks, I have a mum' - bless him.

DS and GF are not taken in by her and for this reason this woman is mean to GF. GF is lovely btw and who calls me Mam (her choice).

DD said she likes New Wife. Great i said, good for you and nothing to do with me.

I'm going to, or mean to be, a wedding fayre at her venue tomorrow. We'll see what happens then.

My car has its very first MOT this morning so must get cracking. If it's dry today I must also finish planting my yew hedging now that my new fences are in.

LB- hope that pusscat has had a good night's sleep and is on the mend today.

Hope everyone else has a good day too.

spirit

Winter_Phoenix wrote: »

Oh, what a difficult position to be in! I'm sorry that you are experiencing this unnecessary hassle on a day which ought to be special for you as well as for your DD.

My advice, for what it's worth, is NOT to back out of the hen do. If you do, you're just leaving the field clear for the stepmother to take on the role of bride's mother (and to make cutting comments about your absence). So I'd say, go to the hen party and play the bride's mother role for all it's worth - lots of loving comments about your daughter when she was a little girl, lots of happy reminiscences, lots of family in-jokes - all the things which stepmother really can't do and probably won't entirely understand.

As for the buttonholes - if your daughter insists on getting one for stepmother, why not get a few extra ones and hand them out to other people (old family friends, aunts, cousins, etc.) so that stepmother becomes just another person who is wearing a corsage?

It might also be worth being particularly charming to stepmother at the hen do and at the wedding. "What a lovely dress! That colour suits you so well! I wish I could wear that shade! And I just love that handbag! You look wonderful!" etc. etc. That way, if she's whingeing about you, she looks mean and petty, and you look kind and generous and big-hearted.

And a few statements like, "I'm SO glad you could come to my daughter's wedding - it's SO important that EVERYONE in her life shares her special day today," will also demonstrate your generosity of spirit, while also reminding everyone that YOU are the bride's mother, and SHE is just a guest!

I like the way you think, hmnnn, sounds like a very good idea to me! thank you:A

boddy

Morning everyone.

LavenderBees So glad to hear old boy is ok. They can be such a worry. Sounds like he was really pleased to be back home.

Ginger ninja (Ozzy) Has been under the quilt. Worse than sharing a bed with someone. He was stretched out alternating between snoring, purring and licking me.

A trip to town today as I got book tokens for Xmas. Then a catch up with friends.

Have a good day everyone.

LavenderBees

spirit wrote: »

I like the way you think, hmnnn, sounds like a very good idea to me! thank you:A

That's the Spirit (intentional pun :rotfl:), and remember, when the going gets tough, the Singlie Sisterhood (and Brotherhood, I'm sure) is behind you!

Your DS and GF sound really lovely, btw. :T

Old-Boy-Cat slept very well on my chest all night :cool:. I woke with a bad back as couldn't move .... He's eaten, gagged on his meds and run away like I've whipped him , but he'll be back for a cuddle soon.

Young-Boy-Cat is peeing happily in his trays again...normality restored. :T

It's me who feels pretty yuk today. I've been in contact the last few days with people who have a sickness and diahorrea bug....feeling a bit sickly today....really really hoping it isn't going to be what I think it might be. Am going to go back to bed for an hour...It may just be reaction to the last few days....

:eek:

calicocat

I guess if my cat was to be compared to a hubby...

Mine would be the stalker jealous type, who always wants to know where you are, and has a fight with anyone who he thinks is muscling in on his girl.

Charis

greenbee wrote: »

Iron deficiency anaemia causes thinning hair - but it's not the only thing, so make sure you mention the problem to your GP. Tell them your hairdresser has noticed.

Anyway, back to the point Thinning hair is usually a symptom of SOMETHING. It may just be hormonal (age related... sorry) but it might be something you can reverse.

ETA - don't make assumptions about iron and self-medicate. The stuff you get in vitamin pills won't make a difference, and the decent over the counter supplements need to be taken with medical guidance as iron is toxic and dosage has to be worked out based on current levels of stored/circulating iron and your weight amongst other things.

Thank you for this. Interestingly I have tinnitus and am always tired
even though iron deficiency tests have shown nothing. I put it down to advancing years and genetics as my Mum, Aunt and Nan had the same problems - but of course they might all have been due to a genetic ferritin deficiency. I'll get it checked out.

calicocat

For those of us who on the initial thread stated that part of this year's plans were to lose weight.....

Don't ask where I got it from as was mooching around virtual papers this morning when awake at stupid o'clock.

Apparently....if you keep your heating at 22 which is according to them the norm....we get fat, as our body has no reason to lose weight trying to keep warm. They recommended having temp at 19.


Today's piece of useless information...(maybe).

Charis

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

So someone has put a figure on it, ie the extra amount of income necessary to live as a singlie.

www.jrf.org.uk/topic/mis

ie to have a passable standard of living costs:

£120 per week for a coupled-up person
£200 per week for a singlie

The research doesn't make a lot of sense to me because it states in the blurb that it 'doesn't include housing costs'! Since a mortgage or even a monthly rent could easily eat up the whole of one partner's salary on a low income it skews the survey enough to make it meaningless. It also means it's unlikely to have factored in the cost of maintaining a property or replacing carpets or appliances.

If one of a couple is unemployed through choice or circumstance it also alters the equation, as does paying child support to a previous family. Does one or both have to have a car just to get to work because of night shifts or lack of public transport in rural areas? Obviously the same is true of singlies. Some people's circumstances and financial millstones leave them a lot worse off than someone with the same income but with no outstanding debts to repay. It shows how impossible it is to generalise and come up with a realistic figure, like trying to design the ideal garment that will fit everyone.

Charis

groatie_queen wrote: »

Great news LB! Glad puss puss is back home and all is well at LB Mansions.

I have so little hair left, that I happily wear a wig, so now I never ever have a bad hair day . The little hair that's left, I use electric hair clippers and keep it about quarter to half an inch long (or short!). Very MSE - the clippers have paid for themselves many times over! :money: After several years of feeling demoralised by my increasingly tatty tonsorial appearance, it was the best decision I could make.

I have a selection of four wigs, all synthetic fibres, which look great, and I rotate them through the seasons. They are all roughly the same basic short hairstyle, take years off me, and people who knew me well but hadn't seen me for a while when I started wig wearing, complimented me on my great hair!! And couldn't believe the 'hair' was a wig...:)

It was another step along the road of self acceptance, and making life simpler for myself.

Thanks for the reassurance GQ. I have a secret terror of wigs, or at least of having to wear one. My mother bought one back in the sixties and it was nylon, all hot and itchy. Poor Mum was having hot flushes at the time too. It brought it all back to me, reading Roald Dahl's 'The Witches' to my youngest when he was a lad. All the witches wore wigs that were hot and itchy :eek: We never finished the book as son was scared of the witches and when I peeped at the last pages it wasn't a fairy tale ending.

Your comments have reassured me that things are not so bad now and it might be a viable solution if and when it becomes necessary.

singlestep

Charis, wigs are nowhere near as bad as they were even twenty years ago, in my experience. The 'hair' fibres are much better now and it's all about choosing the style that's right for you. The people who work in shops that sell them are very helpful and have lots of advice because, of course, they see the new products coming in all the time. They can advise on styles and colours that suit you and your needs. At first, people do have to get used to it - as my mum did during chemo - but mainly just because it isn't a part of you.

I shudder to remember the horrible long one I had when I was 17 and only wanted one that looked like the hair I'd had before it all started falling out. So hot and itchy, and it was ruined so quickly because of degradation due to friction. I allowed myself to be steered towards more practical and natural looking styles over the years.

The one I wear now comes to above the neck and is comfortable to wear perhaps except on the warmest of days stuck in a hot car - but then that's an uncomfortable experience for anyone! On summer holidays abroad, I stick to hats and headscarfs during the day and keep my wig for when I want to look a bit smarter.