OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

spirit

Can i ask for people's views please?

It is my DD's wedding this year. Ex remarried last year and new wifey badmouths me to DS and his girlfriend. She says things like she is a better mother than me because x, y and z. My son and gf don't like it when she does this and has told her. I think new wife is jealous of me or finds me a threat. I have no idea why since I have nothing to do with either her or ex.

A few weeks ago DD said she was getting a buttonhole for new wife the same as the 2 mums. I kicked off and said no, she is just an ordinary guest, and is not to be elevated to 'mum' status.

Just now DD is talking about the hen do (possibly at a spa for a day) and this woman is apparently on the invite list.

I've said that if she goes, i'm not and told DD why.

It's not like I could avoid this woman - like I'll be able to at the wedding. Besides the wedding is My DD's day and I'll not let anyone spoil it for her.

So what advice would you give me?

spirit hides behind the sofa .

groatie_queen

Great news LB! Glad puss puss is back home and all is well at LB Mansions.

I have so little hair left, that I happily wear a wig, so now I never ever have a bad hair day . The little hair that's left, I use electric hair clippers and keep it about quarter to half an inch long (or short!). Very MSE - the clippers have paid for themselves many times over! :money: After several years of feeling demoralised by my increasingly tatty tonsorial appearance, it was the best decision I could make.

I have a selection of four wigs, all synthetic fibres, which look great, and I rotate them through the seasons. They are all roughly the same basic short hairstyle, take years off me, and people who knew me well but hadn't seen me for a while when I started wig wearing, complimented me on my great hair!! And couldn't believe the 'hair' was a wig...:)

It was another step along the road of self acceptance, and making life simpler for myself.

I love afternoon tea too! It's a great idea for stress-free entertaining, as it provides a lovely ritual and feeling of occasion, without all the faff of cooking a meal. And the prep can be done in stages beforehand too. And enjoyed outdoors in the summer.

moneyistooshorttomention

So someone has put a figure on it, ie the extra amount of income necessary to live as a singlie.

www.jrf.org.uk/topic/mis

ie to have a passable standard of living costs:

£120 per week for a coupled-up person
£200 per week for a singlie

I would like details of their workings for that, but it sounds about right to me. I'd also like to know if they've taken into account the fact that singlies have to bear all the cost of work on the house/household goods (eg washing machine/cooker/etc/etc).

It would be handy to have had a suitable explanatory leaflet to hand to give to every person (and its ALWAYS been someone who is coupled-up) that has tried to deny that its dearer to be single. Might have saved a few moments over the years of me thinking "I swear I'll swing for the next coupled-up person who tries to deny life is dearer for single people". Rather than gritting my teeth, or trying to explain (but it always fell on studiously deaf ears) I could have just handed over a leaflet and said "Read this" and then walked away taking calming deep breaths.

springdreams

spirit wrote: »

Can i ask for people's views please?

It is my DD's wedding this year. Ex remarried last year and new wifey badmouths me to DS and his girlfriend. She says things like she is a better mother than me because x, y and z. My son and gf don't like it when she does this and has told her. I think new wife is jealous of me or finds me a threat. I have no idea why since I have nothing to do with either her or ex.

A few weeks ago DD said she was getting a buttonhole for new wife the same as the 2 mums. I kicked off and said no, she is just an ordinary guest, and is not to be elevated to 'mum' status.

Just now DD is talking about the hen do (possibly at a spa for a day) and this woman is apparently on the invite list.

I've said that if she goes, i'm not and told DD why.

It's not like I could avoid this woman - like I'll be able to at the wedding. Besides the wedding is My DD's day and I'll not let anyone spoil it for her.

So what advice would you give me?

spirit hides behind the sofa .

Ah Spirit, I understand completely where you are coming from. It is YOUR daughter, and only YOU are the mother of the bride.

For my wedding I did not invite my step mother to anything other than the wedding itself. And my mother sat on the same side as the bride's guests, whilst my dad and step mother sat on the groom's side.

However, for the weddings of both of my brothers, my step mother was treated as a mother of the groom, and was invited to the hen parties, sat on the main table, was given a corsage and a huge bunch of flowers to say thanks for whatever contribution she made towards the wedding preparations. She was even in the group photos for the bride, groom and their parents. In other words she was treated the same as my mother and both brides mothers.

I suppose at the end of the day, it is your daughter's wedding, and the hope is that she will only have this one wedding, so things should be done in a way that will make the day special for her.

Byatt

Spirit, I don't envy your situation, but neither do I envy your DD's position. It sounds like she's trying to keep everyone happy. Does she get on well with your ex's wife? Is the fact that she bad mouths you, the reason why you feel so against her being included?

I think you have to be the "better person" as much as it sucks, because to put your DD in the difficult position of not including her, you will, I imagine cause your DD some upset. It's meant to be a happy time, for you as well, don't let this woman spoil it for you or cause a rift. Smile, be bright and happy, and be with your DD, be polite and pleasant to ex's wife and I can guarantee that will pi$$ her off more.

Her opinion of you is irrelevant, and it's up to your son not to listen to her bad mouthing of you, which is what he seems to be doing from what you've said.

I do agree about the flowers however. She is not mum status just because she's married to their dad.

edit, just saw your post Springdreams, we posted around the same time. I must admit, it's a minefield, not sure I'd be happy with a step mum being given mum status (unless they had significant involvement with their upbringing)...

Mrs_Bones

LavenderBees I'm so happy for you that you've got your old boy home and he's making him self comfy again. .

Re your young cat, I'm not sure how you feel about alternative therapies but have you thought of trying something like the Bach Flower Remedies for his anxiety? They are marketed for people but you can also use them with animals. I've used them with various dogs who have been stressed over things like fireworks. It's the Rescue remedy drops I used and put them in the water bowl, I can only speak personally but it seem to have positive effects in calming them down. As I've only used it with dogs I've found this link on cats I thought you might be interested to read.

Byatt

groatie_queen wrote: »

Great news LB! Glad puss puss is back home and all is well at LB Mansions.

I have so little hair left, that I happily wear a wig, so now I never ever have a bad hair day . The little hair that's left, I use electric hair clippers and keep it about quarter to half an inch long (or short!). Very MSE - the clippers have paid for themselves many times over! :money: After several years of feeling demoralised by my increasingly tatty tonsorial appearance, it was the best decision I could make.

I have a selection of four wigs, all synthetic fibres, which look great, and I rotate them through the seasons. They are all roughly the same basic short hairstyle, take years off me, and people who knew me well but hadn't seen me for a while when I started wig wearing, complimented me on my great hair!! And couldn't believe the 'hair' was a wig...:)

It was another step along the road of self acceptance, and making life simpler for myself.

I love afternoon tea too! It's a great idea for stress-free entertaining, as it provides a lovely ritual and feeling of occasion, without all the faff of cooking a meal. And the prep can be done in stages beforehand too. And enjoyed outdoors in the summer.

Thanks for sharing about the wigs, I would definitely consider them in the future if my situation worsens. I have thought of hair pieces too, but not sure about cost.

LavenderBees

Mrs_Bones wrote: »

LavenderBees I'm so happy for you that you've got your old boy home and he's making him self comfy again. .

Re your young cat, I'm not sure how you feel about alternative therapies but have you thought of trying something like the Bach Flower Remedies for his anxiety? They are marketed for people but you can also use them with animals. I've used them with various dogs who have been stressed over things like fireworks. It's the Rescue remedy drops I used and put them in the water bowl, I can only speak personally but it seem to have positive effects in calming them down. As I've only used it with dogs I've found this link on cats I thought you might be interested to read.

What a fab site...will be away a few hours reading this. Many thanks! :T

LavenderBees

spirit wrote: »

Can i ask for people's views please?

It is my DD's wedding this year. Ex remarried last year and new wifey badmouths me to DS and his girlfriend. She says things like she is a better mother than me because x, y and z. My son and gf don't like it when she does this and has told her. I think new wife is jealous of me or finds me a threat. I have no idea why since I have nothing to do with either her or ex.

A few weeks ago DD said she was getting a buttonhole for new wife the same as the 2 mums. I kicked off and said no, she is just an ordinary guest, and is not to be elevated to 'mum' status.

Just now DD is talking about the hen do (possibly at a spa for a day) and this woman is apparently on the invite list.

I've said that if she goes, i'm not and told DD why.

It's not like I could avoid this woman - like I'll be able to at the wedding. Besides the wedding is My DD's day and I'll not let anyone spoil it for her.

So what advice would you give me?

spirit hides behind the sofa .

It's a horrible difficult situation for you all. Big hug!

Out of interest, what does your DD say when you tell her you won't be joining in the hen party etc? Does she understand your side of things at all? It is very hard if she seems to not understand that this will be difficult for you.

I think Byatt is correct though...imho, and it will be difficult, I know! but you need to be bigger than this petty woman, and breeze through this for your daughter's sake, regardless of how you feel inside. You certainly get under her skin or she wouldn't be commenting on you...don't let her get under your skin, too!

I suspect you will feel much better if you graciously welcome this woman...that will make her feel cr*p, that you are so lovely.....

You can do it, I'm sure.

Kernel_Sanders

melanzana wrote: »

S/he is most welcome and I too would love a male perspective on the Singlie life.
So kernel......over to you! And welcome, no matter the gender...

Thank you. I only came on to find out exactly what a 'singlie' was! Judging by the surprise expressed on the following post, it would appear to be a single woman....

calicocat wrote: »

Hang on a minute.....you're a bloke!!......welcome, you must stay......

We need lots of DIY tips...(we will all love you for ever)...and is good to get a blokes views on singlie living...thats if you are singlie.

Yes I am a single bloke (and straight to boot ) Also do a bit of DIY if not too challenging, although it always takes me X times what a pro would!

LavenderBees wrote: »

...but I also would like to hear some male perspective on stuff.
MUST sleep...must STOP being on internet....

I'll try to help if I have time, but may bow out if it becomes too addictive; I think we share that problem!