OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

Mrs_Bones

Morning all.

LavenderBees, just wanted to echo what Wilsooon said, wanting cuddles and food is a good sign, ((hugs)) to you, really hoping you get the old boy home soon.

springdreams

bugslet wrote: »

@mum2one. Your parents are old enough for you to ask them to refrain from making comments on the grounds that it affects your D. As long as you explain it politely, and that it's for her benefit, they should be OK. I get the feeling that they are probably worried for you as well, which is nice, but maybe reassure them at the same time, that it is going no further ever, than friends.

As for your D, she's growing up and again, I see no reason for you not to have a chat along the lines of, now that you are old enough to have a grown up chat, you need to realise that Mum has friends that she has known for a long time and this chap is just a friend, nothing more of a friend than X (mention a girlfriends name). I just think honesty is the best policy. I really don't think it's right for her to be able to affect your choice of friends, not that I'm saying you brush her worries to one side, just that you are the adult here. Good luck.

Well said Bugslet - I agree wholeheartedly with this advice :T

Mum2one, you may also wish to let Miss Hoodie know that you may in time have a relationship with a man, and that you would hope that she would support you in this in the same way as you support her in the decisions that she makes. Reassure her that any such relationship will in no way affect the relationship you have with her, and that she will always be your number one priority. Perhaps remind her that in time she will have relationships, and she would be unhappy if you interfered with them.

Funny how different children are to one another - my DS and my singlie friend's DS would be delighted if she and I were to meet a special man.

Byatt

Mum2one,

I agree with Bugslet, but would also like to add from my perspective, as a mum to DD who has had some awful past issues, my first reaction when finding she is considering another relationship is to go into panic mode and become quite vocal about it. The reason being I live the whole saga to the end result which in my mind always ends badly, I see her hurt, my hurt...the total anguish. So I imagine your mother is dealing with the news of your friend in this "lived memory"...not saying she's right by any means, I know I'm not, and I am trying to adjust my behaviour currently.

I think also with your daughter, she might be "living the memory" of her dad and the awful experience you both went through, and I wondered if she has someone to talk to (counsellor) to help her make sense of her feelings.

But yes, definitely, as Bugslet said, open and honest communication to reassure them as well as being factual.

groatie_queen

More hugs to you LB, and to ABC (anxious boy cat). I'm glad that your poorly furry purry had a better night, and hope that the cold clammy hand of anxiety for both you and wee furry is allayed by reports of further improvements as today goes by.

I had a lovely morning! And provided I can restrain myself from adding to my book collection, I've re-discovered a lost love which can serve as a treat or reward whenever I like. I recently joined a U3A poetry group, which met this morning. I came away feeling I had met some like-minded spirits, all quite diverse, and that I can re-connect to a real source of joy. So I very much agree with moneyistooshorttomention when she said ;
"We DO need our social networks more than people who are coupled-up ".
This morning was like finding my poetry tribe! Which felt really good.

Why is it that we can lose touch with what feeds us?! The books are upstairs in the spare room bookcase - but not for much longer. I'll put piles of my favourite anthologies beside my armchair, and also beside my bed, to be dipped into and soothe or inspire or thought-provoke me as and when.

It doesn't really take much to change things does it?! Cost of this morning's outing: £1.60 and 12 mile round trip's worth of petrol. Value - priceless (to quote Mastercard) :j:j

calicocat

groatie_queen wrote: »

More hugs to you LB, and to ABC (anxious boy cat). I'm glad that your poorly furry purry had a better night, and hope that the cold clammy hand of anxiety for both you and wee furry is allayed by reports of further improvements as today goes by.

I had a lovely morning! And provided I can restrain myself from adding to my book collection, I've re-discovered a lost love which can serve as a treat or reward whenever I like. I recently joined a U3A poetry group, which met this morning. I came away feeling I had met some like-minded spirits, all quite diverse, and that I can re-connect to a real source of joy. So I very much agree with moneyistooshorttomention when she said ;
"We DO need our social networks more than people who are coupled-up ".
This morning was like finding my poetry tribe! Which felt really good.

Why is it that we can lose touch with what feeds us?! The books are upstairs in the spare room bookcase - but not for much longer. I'll put piles of my favourite anthologies beside my armchair, and also beside my bed, to be dipped into and soothe or inspire or thought-provoke me as and when.

It doesn't really take much to change things does it?! Cost of this morning's outing: £1.60 and 12 mile round trip's worth of petrol. Value - priceless (to quote Mastercard) :j:j

Glad you have had a good day G queen. Just goes to show that when we make the effort we are social creatures.

I too agree with MTSTM in that our friend circle/social network is more important than when in a couple.

I don't know why we lose touch with what feeds us, do we do it more than those in a couple?..or do lots of people get out of the habit with irritating things like the rat-race lives we all lead these days get in the way..? Often doing what you really want to do is hard to achieve due to earning a living and doing the necessary things, rather than the fun stuff.

This is something I hope to rectify in some ways this year, and plan things to do rather than sitting wondering why nothing has changed.


I have never been to one before, but am off to a Chili Festival this year too....will be interesting. There are bands on...but bet it isn't the red hot chili peppers, as the ticket price doesn't reflect their attendance.....lol. Chili products will be bought, and no doubt as someone pointed out this afternoon....chili ice-cream......yay.

sas79

BookWorm wrote: »

Although I am a Southerner by birth... I'm currently residing in the Midlands. Anyone else from the Midlands around?

I'm in Stoke

mum2one

Thank you everyone, its good to get others perspectives, I know part of the problem is my mother, they picked up the pieces after I left DDs dad not from the point of "I love you don't leave me", but how the heck can I get out of this unscathed, safe and protect the baby to be, - which wasn't easy, at one stage we were on 1st name terms with the CSOs, half the police force, it was that bad that the ine CSO had his own mug at our house!!

DD had councelling but that was paid for by the school, thou the NHS version of councelling funding been cut to the bone that she would have been 40 by the time she got seen, and as for Cafcass - a chocolate teapot is the expression that comes to mind, - we had an awful time to the extent that one of the officers dealing with us was disciplined, taken off the case and had I had pushed the complaint further could have been sacked.

The problem with my mum, she had a stroke 5 yrs ago, and although she made a 95% recovery, she's been left with some memory issues and says things without realising, she tends to make a mountain of a molehill, which we get use to and to be honest ignore it 99% of the time.

I've taken DD to Tunisia 4 times we always stay in same area and i've been 16 times over the years so we know people out there, theres one shop keeper who is a sweetie, he's offered to marry me for the last 15yrs.... she accepts him, we will go and have a drink with him, meet the mother etc, when I have been chatted up bi others she howls with laughter, (usually says he wants a passport, ur no gd for money), I've told her stories about the friend

- One night he was drunk (usual) - fell asleep over his Indian meal, so this lady who was at the next door table (didn't know her) we ended up laughing and got the lipsticks out, so we decorated the bald patch, and planted kisses all over his face.

-another time we had a mass arguement in a pub, I threatened to chuck a glass if wine over him, he said you wouldn't dare - so i picked u the bottle and poured it over him, - walked out - told him we were finished - about half an hr later he rang my mobile - can I pick him up... NO get a taxi...


i've decided to have a cooking day with DD and reassure her that he is just a friend same as (female) and that there is nothing more and its nan being nan.. so fingers crossed xxx

Charis

groatie_queen wrote: »

Hugs from me too LB, I hope LavenderPuss has a good night.

It made me wonder what MSE rewards we singlies use for pick-me-ups, small treats and rewards for goals reached/frogs munched? Free or low cost?

My favourite treat is a long phone call with one or other of my young adult offspring, who are living in four different counties as they make a life for themselves. I have free (one hour at a time) landline calls with my ISP and buy more mobile minutes than I need from the ISP for £5 a month to call one son who has only a mobile and for general use. I don't call my youngsters often (don't want to be a 'helicopter parent' like my late MIL :shocked: and if my 'kids' want a long chat I usually call them back to save their bills. I sometimes think of mothers in previous generations whose children would leave home to make their way in the world and their mothers never heard from them again, or at best got a very occasional letter. It makes mine feel less far away and I feel blessed.

My other treat is a long and lazy pampering session on a Saturday afternoon, starting with a scalp massage with coconut and eucalyptus oil, followed by a bubble bath, manicure, pedicure etc and plenty of hand/ body/ face lotion to finish, or any combination of these. On holiday I had a professional manicure and pedicure, watched what she did and thought 'I can do that!' (And all the other stuff too, for a fraction of the cost). The scalp massage with those oils is supposed to promote the re growth of my thinning hair. Not sure if it's working yet but pity the fool who tells me it's not :rotfl: Maybe that's why I prefer phoning to Skype-ing.

spirit

calicocat wrote: »

I don't know why we lose touch with what feeds us, do we do it more than those in a couple?..or do lots of people get out of the habit with irritating things like the rat-race lives we all lead these days get in the way..? Often doing what you really want to do is hard to achieve due to earning a living and doing the necessary things, rather than the fun stuff.

Also you might have people who were joint friends with an ex. sometimes they sort of take sides, or feel embarrassed and don't see either of you.

If they are couples, I think the women might find us a bit of a threat so we get left off invites.

Byatt

Charis, you mentioned thinning hair, which I have, very low about it right now as it seems to have got worse (caught a glimpse in a mirror recently when the lighting wasn't in my favour). I went through the M in my early 30's so lost hair then and it's never really recovered. I have spells of it being okish, but mostly it's like a bad comb over (to me :eek:)...stress worsened it and of course genetics are involved, but my mother's hair was ok at 60, the age I am now, so think the combined stress and trauma has just taken its toll. I used to have amazingly thick hair.

so, do you make up the oil or can it be bought?