OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

springdreams

Kernel_Sanders wrote: »

Thank you. I only came on to find out exactly what a 'singlie' was! Judging by the surprise expressed on the following post, it would appear to be a single woman....
Yes I am a single bloke (and straight to boot ) Also do a bit of DIY if not too challenging, although it always takes me X times what a pro would!

I'll try to help if I have time, but may bow out if it becomes too addictive; I think we share that problem!

Welcome.

No a singlie is not a single woman - it is any person who is single.

The surprise was because we have had no blokes to date post on either thread, so it was pleasant to see one surface

mum2one

spirit wrote: »

Can i ask for people's views please?

It is my DD's wedding this year. Ex remarried last year and new wifey badmouths me to DS and his girlfriend. She says things like she is a better mother than me because x, y and z. My son and gf don't like it when she does this and has told her. I think new wife is jealous of me or finds me a threat. I have no idea why since I have nothing to do with either her or ex.

A few weeks ago DD said she was getting a buttonhole for new wife the same as the 2 mums. I kicked off and said no, she is just an ordinary guest, and is not to be elevated to 'mum' status.

Just now DD is talking about the hen do (possibly at a spa for a day) and this woman is apparently on the invite list.

I've said that if she goes, i'm not and told DD why.

It's not like I could avoid this woman - like I'll be able to at the wedding. Besides the wedding is My DD's day and I'll not let anyone spoil it for her.

So what advice would you give me?

spirit hides behind the sofa .

This may sound an odd question, you mention that DS and his gf has noticed the bad mouthing and acted upon it, has DD noticed it, or does it not happen when she is around?

My thoughts (not been married, but am aware that is DD has a half brother, and his mum would be classed as DDs stepmum (steam coming out of ears...)

-Button Hole - I totally agree, as mother of the bride and the future m-i-law your the 2 important woman on the day, so no I don't that the lady should have the same button hole

-Spa Day - I can fully see where your coming from and are 100% behind you, BUT - this lady is a permament fixture, it sounds like your DD gets on with her, hence the invite, - not saying it is an opportunity to bury the hachet, but I would go to the day, I'm sure there is going to be other people so bar the intial all go in together - you wouldn't all be having treatments at the same time, so it may be a grin and bear it.

The reason I say go is because it is a special day for your daughter, this would also give the lady chance to further enhance the situ by saying you've thrown your toys out of the pram, and if DD does get on well with her, then this may blow up to you being pushed out and the lady taking the role of mother of the bride.

-The Wedding breakfast-
Is this a formal event, have you covered how the seating is going to be as you could use the traditional format (to say) that you and ex are spit up and sit with the opposiate of the grooms parents.

for the sake of one day I would try to grin and bear it, I know its hard, but if you can sort it now come the time your be seen the bigger person xx

mum2one

LB - Brilliant news on the cat being home sounds like he's making up for lost time with cuddles, hope it has a calming effect on little puds. xx

singlestep

groatie queen, I totally agree about the lack of a bad hair day I only ever need to make minor adjustments in the morning when I slip it on after getting dressed in the morning, so that's also one less thing to worry about. Slightly different situation for me - I started losing my hair aged about 14. It would grow a bit and then become worse again until I'd lost quite a considerable amount - not the best of things to happen in your teenage years but also not the worst thing that had happened to me either.

By the age of 17, I'd given up on it growing back and started wearing wigs instead of other ways of covering up. I get 4 a year on prescription and usually buy more. Fairly good ones can be purchased for less than £100 (depending on length and style); ones with a less obvious monofilament 'parting' cost about twice that.

Over the last twenty years or so, there has been a huge improvement in quality, I think. At least, in the suppliers to the shops I go to. Also, I used to make the mistake of going for the closest to my last remembered long hair and colour but now I favour a shortish style in a colour that suits my skin tone, with a fringe because it looks less obvious (on me anyway). A lot of people don't notice it's a wig unless I tell them.

--

Thank goodness it's the weekend and I have some chance of getting a bit of sleep. And rest. And a proper catch up with everything I've missed here and elsewhere over the past few days.

Kernel_Sanders

springdreams wrote: »

Welcome.

No a singlie is not a single woman - it is any person who is single.

The surprise was because we have had no blokes to date post on either thread, so it was pleasant to see one surface

Thanks, but I've still no idea what the OS bit means.
By "to date" you must have meant the date of my post as this one from Wednesday is clearly male:

grousescot wrote: »

I don't think I've failed to lift the seat since I was big enough to do so so it's a surprise to me that some blokes don't bother. It's a big enough target but sometimes the, erm, direction of flow is not quite what you expect, especially first thing in the morning when one is still sleepy and sans glasses. Simple courtesy to clean up after though IMHO.

My parents used to have carpet in the downstairs loo when I was a small boy - I never understood why.

Completely agree with the first paragraph, but what do you think those mats are for that go round the pedestal, Grousescot?

springdreams

Yes I did indeed mean up to the date of your post

The mats that go around the pedestal can at least be chucked in the washing machine - fitted carpet cannot. Although the purpose of both would be the same

p.s. OS = old style

Winter_Phoenix

spirit wrote: »

Can i ask for people's views please?

It is my DD's wedding this year. Ex remarried last year and new wifey badmouths me to DS and his girlfriend. She says things like she is a better mother than me because x, y and z. My son and gf don't like it when she does this and has told her. I think new wife is jealous of me or finds me a threat. I have no idea why since I have nothing to do with either her or ex.

A few weeks ago DD said she was getting a buttonhole for new wife the same as the 2 mums. I kicked off and said no, she is just an ordinary guest, and is not to be elevated to 'mum' status.

Just now DD is talking about the hen do (possibly at a spa for a day) and this woman is apparently on the invite list.

I've said that if she goes, i'm not and told DD why.

It's not like I could avoid this woman - like I'll be able to at the wedding. Besides the wedding is My DD's day and I'll not let anyone spoil it for her.

So what advice would you give me?

spirit hides behind the sofa .

Oh, what a difficult position to be in! I'm sorry that you are experiencing this unnecessary hassle on a day which ought to be special for you as well as for your DD.

My advice, for what it's worth, is NOT to back out of the hen do. If you do, you're just leaving the field clear for the stepmother to take on the role of bride's mother (and to make cutting comments about your absence). So I'd say, go to the hen party and play the bride's mother role for all it's worth - lots of loving comments about your daughter when she was a little girl, lots of happy reminiscences, lots of family in-jokes - all the things which stepmother really can't do and probably won't entirely understand.

As for the buttonholes - if your daughter insists on getting one for stepmother, why not get a few extra ones and hand them out to other people (old family friends, aunts, cousins, etc.) so that stepmother becomes just another person who is wearing a corsage?

It might also be worth being particularly charming to stepmother at the hen do and at the wedding. "What a lovely dress! That colour suits you so well! I wish I could wear that shade! And I just love that handbag! You look wonderful!" etc. etc. That way, if she's whingeing about you, she looks mean and petty, and you look kind and generous and big-hearted.

And a few statements like, "I'm SO glad you could come to my daughter's wedding - it's SO important that EVERYONE in her life shares her special day today," will also demonstrate your generosity of spirit, while also reminding everyone that YOU are the bride's mother, and SHE is just a guest!

wilsooon

Firstly, to LavenderBees, huge congrats on having your baby safely back home, I was a total mess when mine were poorly (I'm unable to have any furry babies at present, sadly).

Secondly, to Spirit - I totally agree with Winter Phoenix (brill name, BTW!). Be the gracious mother of the bride and play it to the hilt, whilst being oh so charming to the wicked step mum, let her show herself up! (Sorry, I can't seem to do quotes, least not on this tablet).

I know you said you have nothing to do with your ex, but would it be worth trying to contact him to ask for his help with wife-from-hell? Emphasize that you're concerned that your DD's special day isn't spoilt and see if he couldn't calm the situation.

Finally, if you can, remember that in years to come you want to be able to look back on the day and smile, so just do whatever it takes to have a great day regardless.

wilsooon

Further to the discussion on Miss, Ms or Mrs, I'm generally known as Miss Wilson, however I've noticed that the medical professions all refer to me as Mrs - doctors, my dentist, even the vet used to do this. I mean what hope is there if they can't even get my title right???

I remember years ago how I was talking to a happily married friend about my single state. I said why do I need a man in my life? The cat comes clattering home in the middle of the night, wakes me up to check I still love him oh and could he possibly have something to eat? He stuffs his face, collapses on the bed, hogs all the duvet, f@rts, then clears off back to his mates. AND he had another woman on the side!!!!! (She lived 4 doors down the road, he was spotted by both of us at the same time one day and the whole story came out!! I've never seen a cat look so guilty!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

moneyistooshorttomention

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:to the cat acting same way as an errant hubbie:rotfl:

I guess my final thought on the Miss/Mrs/Ms debate is I've had to learn to let the whole "title thing" go over my head as best possible because of my own mothers stubborn insistence on sending me post addressed to "Miss MISTSTM", rather than Ms or what I am actually called (ie Firstname/Secondname), closely followed by my second thought of "Would it kill her to put a kiss or two after signing it?". But that's par for the course with my mother anyway....with her stubborn refusal to regard me as a person in my own right/own life/tastes, etc even at my age.:cool: