OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

BookWorm

WP - great post Loving the positivity and pieces of advice

mothernerd

Hugs and sympathy for Bookworm.

A thousand thousand thanks to LavenderBees for running this excellent column.

Horace I sympathise with you over the MnS job - I've been thrown out of the job market so many times including by an agency where the temporary workers were thanked heartily for completing a large order on time only to receive phone calls when they got home to say they were no longer required. My mother is lovely - to everyone but me.

I started a post earlier but had a phone call to say someone could take me to me mother's for a shower and hair wash (I am now allowed to walk around the house without my crutches but will need to use the walk-in shower for a few more weeks) and 7 hours later I am back.

I read the thread all the time but only post occasionally. I am aware that once I start a post, I have difficulty stopping. I am also somewhat socially inept and sometimes don't have the right words. I am in awe of some people on this thread and others who offer such wise council (and slightly shocked to find those I had been thinking of as 'wise elders' are in fact only just coming up to 50. I am 57 in a few weeks so 60 is suddenly a lot nearer than 50 and yet retirement is so far away. Not sure what age I feel but it isn't 57.

I am happily single. I have no desire to pair off with 'Mr Right', even less so with 'Mr Wrong'. "We aren't on Noah's Ark" I cry. I certainly think it suits the advertisers to persuade us that all will be well if we pair up with that elusive someone (and success is assured if we buy product x or y) so we can go on to breed more little consumer units.

So I'm female, single, way the wrong side of 50, have some mental and physical health problems but I'm happy generally and the older I get, the less I want to fit into someone else's idea of what I should be or do. I still don't understand the resentment of two of my neighbours (one on her 5th husband, the other on her 2nd but with rich parents who frequently stepped in to help her out) when after many years of struggle I scraped together enough money to do the essential work needed on my property - all by myself.

I have written five goals for 2015 as part of one of my December challenges. I then picked on an idea from somewhere about people doing 15 for 15. So after much thought I have 5 goals and 15 'f' words (for alliteration purposes not frustration) for 2015. I'd like to share a couple now (you can have the whole lot, if you want).

One of my goals is BE SELFISH. This is not to trample over other people but to treat myself, my needs and desires as being equally valid as those of others. I feel I continually downgrade my own needs in accordance with the demands of others. This might have been necessary when my sons were small but should no longer be the case (even if the youngest is still a work in progress) and even though elderly relatives might need more attention it shouldn't mean i never get what I want.

One of my words is FEARLESS. I recalled earlier a day when, frustrated by the motorists at the traffic lights who continued to edge through bumper to bumper when the lights had changed in favour of the pedestrians, I pushed my small son and large pram out into the road and stopped the traffic, in all directions. I then continued to stand there ignoring the abuse, calmly repeating to the driver in front of me that he had come through on red and if he wanted to unblock the road, he needed to reverse back the way he came and wait his turn.

I have been battered by life. I'm so used to biting back retorts, letting things go, trying to keep the peace. I want a bit of the younger me back. The one who was certain, who knew what was right and decided to step forward and ask for what was fair.

BookWorm

mothernerd wrote: »

Hugs and sympathy for Bookworm.

Thank you

mothernerd wrote: »

sometimes don't have the right words. I am in awe of some people on this thread and others who offer such wise council

Don't worry, I quite often feel the same. I just post when/where I can

Byatt

Oh Mothernerd, what a lovely post. And so much resonates with me...it brought back memories of my much younger self when I was on occasions fearless...I'm a mostly quiet, shy, introspective individual....but I have stepped in and stopped a fight and other off the cuff moments.

Recently I have become more assertive and a "grumpy old woman" ...but it was lovely to remember my young self.

You sound like my twin. edit and yes I would like to read your 15 goals


Just watched Esio Trot, with Dustin Hoffman and Judi Dench, t'was lovely.

LavenderBees

I stopped a man severely beating his wife on a street in Vietnam, one night 5 years ago. It still occasionally gives me nightmares. He was deliberately aiming his kicks at her face and stomach.

It seems she had "looked" at another man (whatever that means). It was only afterwards, that I realised the danger I'd been in, though I was shaking with anger and fear at the time, too. I must admit, the look of complete shock on his face at this white tourist WOMAN of all things, stepping between him and his wife, and shrieking blue murder at him, refusing to move until he left, was worth my fear.

Neither of us spoke the other's language, but we certainly spoke each others body language, and he eventually backed down (much to my relief as I hadn't any idea what to do if he hadn't). The sad thing is, of course, that I couldn't protect her really. The Vietnamese people around, simply shrugged and went on their way.

Different culture, different world.



But the incident that still makes me giggle was only 2 years ago, when I deliberately rolled my car into someone else, who was forcing his way into my lane..Gawd, his face was a picture :rotfl:

The traffic was absolutely horrendous that morning and I'd already let in many cars, but he didn't want to be polite and wait or ask...he simply forced his way in...so, without thinking I took my foot off the brake, and ...well...hit him very slowly :rotfl:.

I then got out of the car and walked slowly round, examining my car first, then took photos of his (on my phone that didn't do photos :rotfl:). All the time, he was sitting there, didn't dare get out of his car, absolutely flabbergasted, effing and blinding, but I am sure, completely intimidated by this cool as a cucumber woman, who simply took photos, shrugged, asked him why he was so rude etc, asked him why he'd been so careless as to drive into me (:rotfl:) all without breaking stride.

Cars were pulling out around us, so witnesses were disappearing fast, and his wheel was wedged somehow under my wheel trim, so he couldn't move. He had to wait until I decided to reverse my car away from him.

There was no damage to either car, as it turned out, and when sanity returned to me :eek:, thank goodness, really! :rotfl: When I finally got to work, I shook with shock for hours. Bravado carried me through, but he didn't know that. Hopefully, he'll not pull out into the side of a little red fiesta in future, or not without checking it isn't me, first :rotfl:

Honestly, I'm not usually confrontational, just sometimes I act, and think later. I often speak and think later, which is unfortunate really :rotfl:

Well, tomorrow is the return of real life and I go back to work , so I'm off to bed.

Sweet dreams, all

LB xx

moneyistooshorttomention

Sounds like many of us can be brave and stand up for ourselves and others when we need to - yes:T

Speaking of singlies we haven't heard from recently = calling CalicoCat....calling CalicoCat...come in Calico...are you receiving? over and out...

Horace

Thanks again for the wise words, this 'job' is better on the CV than dealing with all the hassle. Loved the TED link too - it has made me think and I felt myself straightening up as I listened instead of being hunched up.

Mothernerd I would like to read your 15 promises. Being Fearless is good and being selfish is also good too. I think I will start putting myself first so that I get what I want.

I also watched Esio Trot - it was funny and well-acted by both Dustin Hoffman and Judi Dench. What was even better about it was that it did not contain any swear words.

Had to laugh tonight - I had a bath and then I realised why I tend not to have baths preferring showers instead because I could not get out of the bath at all:o My arthritic knees would not work and my arms are quite feeble - it took me an age to get out:o I felt ancient but I am only 53.

ellie99

LavenderBees wrote: »

... examining my car first, then took photos of his (on my phone that didn't do photos :rotfl:).

Oh you're quick LB, I wouldn't have though of that :rotfl:

mothernerd, I too would like to read the rest of your "f" words and goals.

I visited parents this afternoon, being short and blond I was probably a big disappointment as their first footer :rotfl:
We ate gluten free christmas tree shaped shortbread...you never know what you might find with a yellow sticker in the sm.

My own first footer was tall dark and handsome...well, DS2 assures me he's handsome (I'm biased, obviously) :rotfl:

Back to normal and back to work tomorrow, hope to god this wind and rain is gone by morning.

Winter_Phoenix

mothernerd wrote: »

I have been battered by life. I'm so used to biting back retorts, letting things go, trying to keep the peace. I want a bit of the younger me back. The one who was certain, who knew what was right and decided to step forward and ask for what was fair.

Mothernerd, fabulous post, fabulous goals for 2015. I'd love to hear the others

springdreams

Happy new year everyone.



I hope that 2015 is a better year for us all.

Horace, so sorry to hear about the job not becoming something more permanent for you. I have enjoyed reading your posts about the trials and tribulations of the job, and know that you will find something much better this year.

BW, sorry for your loss.

My own goal for 2015 is to find a new job. I am already working on this goal as I have been invited back for a second interview, but that will only take place at the end of January / beginning of February.