How to say "No" to being a Bridesmaid, without ruining a friendship?

Georgiegirl256

I somehow don't think the OP will be back, as I don't think she got the answers she was wanting.

Pollycat

The OP last post was #78.

Apparently she is going to the wedding but, despite being asked, hasn't said if she is just going as a guest or as a bridesmaid.

I doubt she'll be back too - she's been posting on other threads.

londonlydia

The thing you need to consider is regardless of whether or not you attend, your friend will marry this person. By making such a public declaration of you not supporting their wedding, youre not supporting their marriage, and so really with the same argument you would have to boycott any main event she does as a married woman.

Friends can only give advice, but ultimately it is our own selves that make the decision. It may be that the decision is a terrible one in your opinion, but it's not worth losing a friendship for the sake of her not choosing to act on your advice.

springdreams

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I somehow don't think the OP will be back, as I don't think she got the answers she was wanting.

It's harsh when you go seeking endorsement for something, and a lot of people are telling you your decision is wrong

shop-to-drop

OP really needs to be careful as she may be perceived as jealous and may risk more than just the brides friendship and respect.

Very limited information has been given ie. no reasons why she thinks the marriage is wrong so we can only guess and hypothesise how this will pan out.

If she has genuine and real concerns she owes it to her friend to tell her otherwise she really should support and be happy for the bride to be.

Elisecas

Ok, she is going to marry him, so your protect vote isn't going to prevent any kind of heartache.

Let's assume the marriage doesn't work out. Will you be there for your friend to help her pick up the pieces? If not, skip the wedding and let the friendship go. But if you will, what do either of you gain from you not being at the wedding?

Let's imagine it does work. Do you want to be part of her life? If not skip the wedding, as you need to let the friendship go, at least for now. But if you want to be part of her life you do need to go to the wedding.

There is a halfway measure... Tell her you will absolutely be there to support her at her wedding but you have to decline being her bridesmaid. Whether you tell her a white lore or simply say you're really touched but you'd much rather be a guest, perhaps that would help you both?

happyinflorida

You could be wrong about her choice of fella. When I was young, I'm 53 now, I had one friend who married a man who I really thought was awful - I was sure the marriage wouldn't last. Amazingly it has. Others who I thought were marrying mr right, ended up divorced. You really cannot tell. Support your friend. Ask her if she's really sure, if she has any worries - talk about it like that if you want to, no harm in saying the reasons why you think he isn't right for her as long as you do it politely. Friends should be honest IMO.

freeasabird

I've been to loads of wedding where I knew the couple weren't a good match but it's not my place to make judgements.

Be honest and tell your friend you have concerns about the person she is marrying and then if the wedding goes ahead; show up, shut up and smile for the camera. You've done all you can and you never know; it might work out.

[Deleted User]

WantToBeSE wrote: »

As per the title really. I recently met the person that my friend is marrying and don't think i can be part of the wedding as i don't believe it will work out.

Is it even possible to say "No" and keep the friendship intact?

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The fact that you thought you could influence who I marry would mean the end of the friendship in my case. None of your business to comment or have opinion on unless asked.

System

My best friend told me after I'd split from my ex, that he'd never liked my ex, and that he'd hated seeing him treat me like crap and me being so unhappy. This surprised me as he'd never once in 3 years voiced this opinion. I asked him why he'd never said anything, his response? " you were in love and you would never have listened to me, and as harsh as it was I needed you to see for yourself what he was like and it be your desicion". I really respected him for that, as he was 100% right, as unhappy as I was I didn't do anything about it as I was hopelessly in love with my ex, and I wouldn't have listened, and I think it would have damaged our friendship. I think it was incredibly hard for my friend to see me get hurt, but he supported me 100% through those times. That to me is being a good friend.