How to say "No" to being a Bridesmaid, without ruining a friendship?

duchy

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Aww, you are so sweet - thank you!

(And yes, you're right, I expect it was her ultimately that led to me making some spectacularly poor choices/decisions on that basis. Everybody seems nice/good enough when you start from a rubbish place - but the odds of marriage seem pretty unlikely - I'm chuffed that ten people came out to the pub/37 Facebook posts were made today to say happy birthday - that's as near as being treated like royalty as I've ever had before )

Never say never JoJo......... the right people sometimes turn up in the most unexpected places or at the most unexpected times.

Happy Birthday !!!

mountainofdebt

Am I imaging it or was there another thread like this one recently?

scotrae

My friend asked me to be one of her witnesses at a small registry office do. Then she told me that she wasn't marrying the boyfriend she'd been gushing about for the past few months, but an old find she had bumped into after years of not seeing one another,gone for coffee with, realised they'd been meant to marry all along, and accepted his proposal all within 24 hours!
Once it had sunk in I decided that I could not be her witness unless I explained my concerns (mainly that she'd had several full-on but short-term relationships with men she thought she was meant to marry) to her first. I wrote a long letter, had a message back and am sad to say haven't heard from her since. I hope things have worked out for her.

Tiglath

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Am I imaging it or was there another thread like this one recently?

I think it's the same thread.

springdreams

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Maybe you are all right..i just always thought that you had a to have faith in the marriage you were witnessing?

Or is that not the done thing?

Glad to see that you have decided to go to your friend's wedding OP.

Are you a witness or are you simply a bridesmaid? A bridesmaid is not automatically a witness.

If you have been asked to be a witness as well as a bridesmaid, perhaps you can say you accept the request to be a bridesmaid in order to support your friend through a very important day in her life, but say that you would prefer if someone else were given the role of witness.

midi43

I'm being maid of honour for my best friend, this is her 3rd marriage to yet another man who doesn't treat her right. I'm very honest with her and have told her I don't think it will last and that he isn't right for her just like the previous 2, I've even had a huge argument with him over the way he treated her on her birthday and how he constantly treats her.
However she is my best friend she knows my thoughts but it is her decision and even though I don't agree with her marriage I will be her maid of honour to support her on the day. And I will be there yet again to pick up the pieces when it goes pear shaped.
It's about supporting your friend when she needs you and putting your own thoughts and feelings to one side, even though ultimately you know it won't last.

Stephb1986_2

We're having two bridesmaids and a best man neither of them are witnesses as the girls are too young and the best man can't read or write. So we're having two very good male friends that we know and they are chuffed to be asked.

I would be gutted if anyone had said no to taking part in our wedding, I'm gutted that h2b's nan isn't coming as she doesn't want to leave her dog.

Just go to your friends wedding to support her and be there for her it doesn't mean that you agree with what she is doing but she is your friend.

Steph x

duchy

I wouldn't be gutted- she has made her choice (or her excuse) -it's her loss and only your problem if you allow it to be. Stop dwelling on it (as you seem to be cos you keep mentioning her and her dog) lots nicer things to focus on with a wedding .

Stephb1986_2

duchy wrote: »

I wouldn't be gutted- she has made her choice (or her excuse) -it's her loss and only your problem if you allow it to be. Stop dwelling on it (as you seem to be cos you keep mentioning her and her dog) lots nicer things to focus on with a wedding .

I think I'm just stunned that she's picked her dog over her grandson that's all. I know that if any of my grandparents were alive they would be there with bells on.

We are both really looking forward to the day, it's her loss.

beautiful_ravens

My brother married a woman who neither my mum nor I thought it was wise for him to be marrying; on the wedding day I was six months pregnant with a lively four year old and a toddler in a pushchair (the most exhausting day of my life I think), on top of which his bride to be had some vision of a perfect day and was mostly irate, then got angry when I left for the hotel at 7pm - I also missed the actual ceremony because my toddler was crying and I took her outside.
But I still did it for my brother. Yes, she WAS a psycho and yes they are divorced now, but it was about being there on the day for my dear brother.

I think you should just be your friends bridesmaid for a day.