Sensitive first post

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

I see totally the opposite. An abortion is something to do because you don't want a child.

Not always.

For a start, think of the many abortions carried out because if problems with the foetus that mean it would be unviable or disabled. Women who get pregnant accidentally but know that they carry a 'bad' gene and would only want to have a baby through screening to avoid it suffering. Women who find out too late that their partners are cheating, or have run up thousands in joint debt, and are suddenly facing an uncertain and difficult future as a single mother. Women who have older children who would be negatively impacted by a new baby (in fact, concern for existing children is one of the most common reasons for abortion).

Women who end pregnancies are all individuals, they all have their own lives, their own reasons, and it's nobody else's place to make any judgements or sweeping statements at all.

marywooyeah

Person_one wrote: »

I won't apologise for challenging your scare stories and your links to offensively anti-abortion groups like care confidential.

I'm truly sorry that you regret your abortion, I am, but the things you posted about medical professionals and pro-choice groups couldn't be left to stand unquestioned I'm afraid.

The OP isn't torn at all, she's made her decision and had before she started the thread.

the link to careconfidential was posted to show the OP of that thread the counselling course I had been on, as was explained at the time.

I understood that you had questions that's fair enough and I answered the questions that you put to me. If you didn't like the answers that's with you but you were very insulting towards me and it was very hurtful, I explained that repeatedly at the time and you continued to be offensive and mocking towards me.

I completely understand that people have different views about abortion and that it is a sensitive subject. It doesn't mean that a difference of opinion gives anyone the right to be offensive or abusive to anyone else.

For what it's worth I agree with what you say about abortion not necessarily being about not wanting a baby, and that sweeping statements cannot be applied to this subject.

Person_one

Rather than re-writing history, here's the link so people can make their mind up.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4163579

I certainly wasn't the only person to question your scaremongering, or the details of your incredible story.

moneysniffer

It entirely depends on YOU as a person and how you feel you would deal with it. NOBODY else. I am just writing down my experience to help round out the discussion.

I had an abortion some years ago. I have no regrets now, and didn't have any regrets then. It was right for me at the time, and my god I'm glad I did it. My life has progressed so much since then in ways that would have been impossible with a child.

I didn't feel any attachment, and at that early stage, it wasn't a 'person' to me. That probably goes some way to why I had absolutely no second thoughts, nor any feelings of 'guilt'. To be quite honest, with the morning sickness it induced, I felt both physical and mental relief when it was gone. I didn't grieve - I felt no need to. The decision was mine to take, and I am eternally grateful that I live in a country where women have the right to make that decision for themselves. And it is indeed your decision to make, only you know what your personal morals/ethics/feelings are - don't let anyone make you feel bad for choosing one way or another. I don't feel bad about my decision, and nobody could ever make me feel bad about it either. I know it's difficult and emotional right now - but chin up. Do what you feel is best for you, whatever that may be

Bella73

fluffnutter wrote: »

Are you sure about this? I don't know of anyone who's had an abortion who had to have a scan first, myself included. It was many years ago though. Perhaps things have changed.

Lots of ladies have to have a scan these days to ensure the dates as the criteria is very strict these days about dates.

As for OP think you are the only one who can make this decision. You do have a little more time so don't feel rushed. Talk to the counsellors/staff at the clinic they only want to help you not judge you.

I am slightly surprised that as your husband is so adamant about not wanting children that he hasn't had a vasectomy. Very simple procedure. No "normal" contraception offers 100%. He really need to step up now and give you some support it's all well and good basically saying it's not my problem I don't want a child but he has participated so needs to help you through this in whatever decision your ultimately make.

All the best Bella

Valli

jetplane wrote: »

If I had a termination I would tell everyone I had an early miscarriage this way I would be able to grieve and talk about it.

Really?

You would CHOOSE to terminate THEN LIE?

Why?

OP - whatever you decide I wish you all the best.

I, for one, am glad I live in a country where women have the choice to not have to live with the consequences when contraception fails.

Valli

jetplane wrote: »

If you are pro choice then you must also be pro choice on how the woman deals with it

And if the person made the choice then they should deal with the choice they made - not imply that something different actually happened.

Valli

jetplane wrote: »

To be fair I did not say that I would lie for sympathy I said for self preservation. Grief is personal, yes, but you don't have to go through it alone. And sometimes people don't realise that they are being judgemental.

Or you could just keep quiet. Only those directly involved need know.

Tommelise

jetplane wrote: »

It is never that simple, not all abortions are because you don't want a child, some abortions cause immense grief, not all miscarriages are wanted babies.

I agree with the above.
.

mumps

Some of the comments on here are quite hard to take for someone who has had a miscarriage, well it is for me. Saying it is as hard or harder for someone to have an abortion seems insulting, when I started bleeding I would have done anything to have a choice. Unfortunately Prochoice doesn't include miscarriages.

I have no desire to make it harder for the OP, or anyone who choses any abortion, but please don't tell me it is harder for them. If it is any comfort to the OP I have several friends who have had abortions who seem to be quite comfortable with the decisions and tell me they have never regretted their decision.