Sensitive first post

jellyhead

jacques_chirac wrote: »

I don't disagree with you P_o, but I do question why someone would post on an internet forum about such a personal and emotive issue. They claim to be a regular, they would know not everyone was going to agree with them. Makes me wonder if they were trying to provoke a reaction. There are plenty of other things they could have done if they just fancied a rant.

It's anonymous - that's a big plus in a delicate situation I'd say?

Anyway, OP, it's your decision. I haven't been through termination myself but lots of my friends and family have, and on the issue of regret I'd say that anecdotally the women who are sure that it's their decision and they are making the right choice for the family are least likely to have regrets. I have known people who regretted their termination, but they weren't sure that they wanted to have one in the first place and felt coerced into it.

If you want to post details of your financial situation then I'm sure people on here can take you through the financial implications for the future, but ultimately a termination isn't illegal, and you don't have to justify it to anyone if deep down it's what you think is best for you.

lostinrates

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

We don't know what method OP used.

Back in the day when I needed it, I used the Pill and therefore I knew I didn't need to do "belt and braces" and double up on contraceptive methods.

Maybe some people aren't aware of the type of Pill they are prescribed these days possibly being lower-dose than my generation were prescribed? Maybe its the fact that "bigger bodies mean higher dosages of drugs and why would the Pill be any exception to that? It wouldn't". I never ever heard of anyone in my generation having had the Pill fail on them and maybe this is why I have read of a few Pill failures in recent years. I honestly think that is the difference, ie that we were a slim generation and on high-dosage Pills.

Anyway....I read OP's post as a rant about life's unfairness and being upset. I did NOT read it as asking for anyone to give their opinions. Perhaps you should take note of that.

I don't know when back in your day was I'm not sure my older sibling was planned, and I'm a 'surprise' baby, twenty years between us. My mother was tiny. Contraception has always failed I think.

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

All I can say is, I know people who have had an abortion and believe the decision was the right decision to make, but it was still a horrible and distressing experience for them.

Its not about who its harder for. This is a personal decision people who are considering ending a pregnancy have to make for themselves.

Yes I understand that women who miscarry dont get a choice, but abortion is not always an easy choice to make, particularly when so many people disapprove of someone having one. Id say thats what makes it tough, the stigma attached and there is very much a stigma still I think.

Pauline, this is well put IMO.

Its also worth remembering not everybody has chosen to be pregnant. Even besides the contraception argument some people are in complicated, disempowering circumstances.

moneyistooshorttomention

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't know when back in your day was I'm not sure my older sibling was planned, and I'm a 'surprise' baby, twenty years between us. My mother was tiny. Contraception has always failed I think.

"Back in my day"....well I would have first popped that Pill in the early 1970s.

But my own personal mantra certainly includes "I do NOT...I mean NOT...allow Fate to over-ride MY own personal decisions". I tend to think that that might (on a very personal level) be part of the reason why Fate/My Own Body didn't dare even try to over-ride the decisions I had made about what my body would (or wouldn't) do.

In my own case...I am 101% certain that my body has no over-riding "say" whatsoever about how my life will be. Maybe that's part of the reason, in my own case, why there was simply never any question about the Pill failing me. I would have first of all "seen red" in no uncertain terms about any outside factor influencing my life and then "dealt with it" instantly. Fortunately or down to the "I and I alone Factor decide - blow Fate or anything else" the question never arose and I never needed an abortion personally. I wouldn't have hesitated for as much as 1 second if the question arose...but it never did. Thank goodness.

I wasn't wanted and planned either and hence why I believe strongly in childrens' rights to know that they WERE wanted and planned.

Tiddlywinks

In this case, the OP is making the choice to end the life of her unborn child for financial reasons.

The child has a beating heart... Those that protest and say it's just a bunch of cells - when does an unborn child with a beating heart become worthy of saving?

jellyhead

Around 24 weeks I think, legally?

While you may not like abortion, it happens and it's legal. If OP is certain that it's what she and her husband both want then trying to change her mind would not be in her best interests.

On the other hand if she is wavering and wants our opinions, fair enough.

Valli

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

In this case, the OP is making the choice to end the life of her unborn child for financial reasons.

The child has a beating heart... Those that protest and say it's just a bunch of cells - when does an unborn child with a beating heart become worthy of saving?

So?

The heart cannot sustain the life independently of the mother's body yet - not now and not for many weeks.

I assume I wont find you on the benefit threads, then, passing comment about those who have children wholly or partly supported by the state because their parents cannot afford to provide for the children?

System

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't know when back in your day was I'm not sure my older sibling was planned, and I'm a 'surprise' baby, twenty years between us. My mother was tiny. Contraception has always failed I think.

It failed 28 years ago for my mum, I was the result

Thankfully my own contraception has never failed me (but then considering how infrequent the act in question it is it's probably less likely it would)

Person_one

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

In this case, the OP is making the choice to end the life of her unborn child for financial reasons.

The child has a beating heart... Those that protest and say it's just a bunch of cells - when does an unborn child with a beating heart become worthy of saving?

An adult dying of leukaemia or kidney failure has a beating heart.

I take it you'll be making an altruistic kidney/bone marrow donation this year as you have such a strong desire to preserve all human life?

What do you think would be better about a world where women were forced to carry and give birth to children they don't want?

Tiredandstressed_3

Wow! Ok where to begin....
The method of contraception was the pill it failed and I have no idea how or why as I thought I did everything right.
I am considering an abortion for financial reasons( among others) as I would like I provide for any child I may bring into this world without relying on anyone else to do that for me. I dint think that is a selfish stance to have.
Regarding the hooha over claiming to have a miscarriage and the different grief between the 2 my views are this:
I would never claim to have a miscarriage, I also believe the grief felt over suffering a miscarriage in most cases would be far greater. Someone very close to me is TTC so I understand how emotive this subject is.
I understand he differing views on abortion which is why anon works for me here and keeping quiet about my situation in real life is what I will continue to do.