Sensitive first post

j.e.j.

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

In this case, the OP is making the choice to end the life of her unborn child for financial reasons.

The child has a beating heart... Those that protest and say it's just a bunch of cells - when does an unborn child with a beating heart become worthy of saving?

No-one really has the definitive (moral) answer to that, hence all the arguments.

moneyistooshorttomention

mumps wrote: »

From memory of friends experiences it seemed to be harder to get an abortion in the late 60s and early 70s. Certainly on the NHS. I suppose the legislation was still new.

Again...I've not been in that position. My follow-up decision personally to "I am NOT going to be pregnant and will deal with it fast if that comes up" was the decision of "...and if the NHS won't deal with it fast enough the relevant man and myself will pay to deal with it".

Fortunately, I was never in that position to test whether the NHS would or wouldn't have accepted their responsibility to cover the cost of an abortion in my case or whether I/man would have had to pay for it.

I'm only too glad the situation never arose personally. I didn't have so much as a moments worry that things weren't going "according to plan" in that respect:)

aeb_2

OP - Follow your heart.

Don't be influenced by anyone else, it may come back to haunt you and your relationship with others in years to come.

moneyistooshorttomention

mumps wrote: »

In fairness you obviously have issues about not being wanted, which must have been horrible. It doesn't always end like that. My mother told me she nearly committed suicide when she found out she was expecting me. :rotfl:She was nothing if not tactful. Ultimately we had a very close relationship, my brother and sister were planned and she often said she didn't know why she bothered. Well she didn't say it to them very often but you see what I mean about the tact.

Whoooo.....and I thought my mother was supremely lacking in tact. I think yours beats mine hands down....

Mine just eluded to "Sometimes things didn't go as we wanted back then". I got the message....and said I had realised anyway.

I always reckon its possible to tell the difference a mile off between children that were wanted/planned and the ones who were "accidents" or wanted for the wrong reasons (eg more benefit money). The poor little ones who were wanted for the wrong reasons just look so...well I cant think of the right word to describe them...

There's just this confidence/easy way with life that the Wanteds have from what I have noticed.

j.e.j.

mumps wrote: »

From memory of friends experiences it seemed to be harder to get an abortion in the late 60s and early 70s. Certainly on the NHS. I suppose the legislation was still new.

Well, I suppose to be fair, if the legislation were adhered to we wouldn't be having this discussion, because officially you can only terminate a pregnancy for medical reasons or if the health of the mother is at risk.

However, the latter is very open to interpretation and in practice abortion is usually available on demand here.

marywooyeah

Person_one wrote: »

Rather than re-writing history, here's the link so people can make their mind up.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4163579

I certainly wasn't the only person to question your scaremongering, or the details of your incredible story.

Nothing I have said is "rewriting history" and by accusing me of what happened to me being an "incredible story" you're once again undermining my loss and the trauma I suffered. I really don't know why you insist on being this way towards me but you won't be bullying me off this site for a second time.


That experience ruined my life and to have you dismiss it in a blase and mocking way is disgusting, I don't know why you continue to act this way towards me when I've made it clear that its very upsetting and hurtful.

Thank you for posting the link I'm glad people will be able to see the comments you made towards me at the time.

j.e.j.

sorry marywooyeah, I can't be doing with reading another lengthy debate on abortion right now, especially one that's 36 pages long, but if someone's been out of order report them.

heartbreak_star

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

In this case, the OP is making the choice to end the life of her unborn child for financial reasons.

The child has a beating heart... Those that protest and say it's just a bunch of cells - when does an unborn child with a beating heart become worthy of saving?

When it also has a central nervous system, discernible organs etc other than a heart, and a good shot at surviving independently of the womb, IMO.

HBS x

sportbeth

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

In this case, the OP is making the choice to end the life of her unborn child for financial reasons.

The child has a beating heart... Those that protest and say it's just a bunch of cells - when does an unborn child with a beating heart become worthy of saving?

I was going to PM the OP but having read the recent replies and the opinions of tiddlywinks, I think the OP deserves a bit of open moral support.

I wish a few more people in this country would consider the financial implications of bringing an unplanned child into this world. This demonstrates on the part of the OP a very mature and well thought out approach to this situation that considers all aspects of her current dilemma. As a tax payer, I've lost count of the number of times I've seen and heard young women saying "I don't believe in abortion, besides, the state will pay for it". No, that means WE will pay for it, and I don't see why I should to be honest.

I had an abortion in my late twenties, yes my contraception failed me, I was taking the pill and a stomach upset meant that the pill didn't have time to ingest fully. It happens.

My GP at the time commented at the time when I sat in her office in shame saying "I'm not an idiot, I'm a 28 year old professional who never screws up" that most of her patients considering a termination were exactly like me. Older women who "got caught out" but were fundamentally responsible adults.

I had my termination, it wasn't pleasant but I was 3 months into a relationship and damn sure that we weren't ready for it. A month later I caught the guy cheating on me, so I was then convinced that it was the right choice. I've never looked back with regret on what I did, it wasn't meant to be.

Abortion is a fact of life and it is a choice that every couple have. It's not pleasant but it's also not murder, or religiously immoral, it's a termination of an early stage pregnancy for people who aren't ready for it. The foetus doesn't know, and for the woman it's a medical procedure.

In the OP's case I'd suggest the situation is harder with the presence of existing children as that makes the procedure more human and less robotic for people like me, but there are existing children to consider, and the financial pressures to consider. Never underestimate the wedge that financial and baby pressure that can drive between two people.

OP, do what is right for you both, and PM me if you need any moral support.

And tiddlywinks, shame on you for dictating your pro-life opinions in this debate.

moneysniffer

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

You are pregnant and you are asking for opinions on ending a life. Why should everyone be expected to just be OK with that? I'm not, and I have as much right to say that as those of you that think it's OK to use abortion as an add-on to contraception.

What an odd statement. Nobody is asking you to be OK with it - but quite frankly, the OP shouldn't care less if some random stranger on the internet happens to disagree with a life choice she makes :rotfl: It would be awfully odd if she did...