Sensitive first post

Air_Cooled_75

A foetus at 7 weeks wouldn't 'know' anything. I hate all this guilt tripping women. And I say this as a woman who lost a (live born) baby 21 weeks into the pregnancy. Yes, it's a sensitive subject but women do have legal access to terminations in this country. Moral or regilious objections are over-ruled. I can't remember the ins and outs but if I thought contraception had failed I'd be off for the morning after pill. I'm lead to believe this is frowned upon too though...

paulineb_2

I don't think the op came on here for sympathy. Nor to be lectured.

Its her life, none of us reading this thread will be directly affected by her decision .

People do not need to be made to feel guilty at a time when they have clearly said they are under stress.

This is not a pro life v pro choice debate or it shouldn't be.

Tiddlywinks

sportbeth wrote: »

And tiddlywinks, shame on you for dictating your pro-life opinions in this debate.

Don't I have as much 'right' to my 'pro-life' opinion as you do to your pro-choice one?

I can't understand how it is now OK to just abort a baby for financial reasons... I didn't even think that was even legal.

Tiddlywinks

paulineb wrote: »

People do not need to be made to feel guilty at a time when they have clearly said they are under stress.

Why would the OP feel guilty if she is sure of her choice to terminate - the opinions of others shouldn't matter to her.

emweaver

Tiredandstressed wrote: »

Hi all. I'm a frequent user here but have gone anon.
I have recently found out I am 7 weeks pregnant.

Completely by accident and we have decided to have an abortion. We are still in debt and need both wages to pay the bills, mortgage and debts.
I have been trying to look to see what benefits we would be entitled to if we decided to keep the baby but I have been on the . Gov website and benefits checker and I don't really understand it.
The reasons for wanting the abortion are 95% financial and 5% because we want to have a bit of a life now the other kids are grown up.
I just feel so selfish and stressed over it all and wanted a rant.

The fact you are looking at this indicates you are not 100% sure you want an abortion. I wouldn't make a decision based on money,follow your heart or you could end up regretting it and once its done there is no going back and subsequent babies will not make up for your loss.

gien

OP, you have my sympathy - you're faced with a difficult situation which will not have a 100% satisfactory outcome, whatever you choose to do.
I've been in every situation discussed on this thread I think! I had an abortion as a young woman, miscarried a planned pregnancy, had two planned children and then fell pregnant in my later thirties with a 'surprise' (who is now my 8 year DD).
I can't say I regret any decision, but I am conscious still of the alternative realities that could have been and I wonder often about the children that never got born and also how life would be now without a much younger child in the house.
It is hard going back to having a little one again although there's a lot of benefits too I've found

Please just be aware that you may well find emotions popping up when least expected, maybe for sometime and that it's really important that you look after your own well being in the months to come.
You're having to deal with a crummy situation that wasn't expected and I can't blame you for feeling stressed and wanting to rant here. I'm just sorry that the thread has ended up as a bit of a debate about abortion.

moneyistooshorttomention

Post from emweaver is an understandable response.

However, in life if we cant afford something then we cant afford it and that's that. It is not relevant what our feelings are about it.

What IS relevant, however, is the impact a child that cannot be afforded would have on the already existing members of this family.

If something comes up that one of the 4 of them already here really seriously need at some point and it costs a lot to get it, then it does and that money will have to be found.

Never mind "consumer goodies"....we all know the price of food and fuel is rising a lot and it sounds as if OP is struggling to find the money for these basic commodities for the children she already has (never mind having another mouth to feed thrown into the mix).

If this was about not being able to afford an Ipad each for existing children that would be one thing. However, it sounds as if its about being able to keep the existing children warm and well-fed. OP wants to know her existing children won't go short of something they NEED.

mumps

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Whoooo.....and I thought my mother was supremely lacking in tact. I think yours beats mine hands down....

Mine just eluded to "Sometimes things didn't go as we wanted back then". I got the message....and said I had realised anyway.

I always reckon its possible to tell the difference a mile off between children that were wanted/planned and the ones who were "accidents" or wanted for the wrong reasons (eg more benefit money). The poor little ones who were wanted for the wrong reasons just look so...well I cant think of the right word to describe them...

There's just this confidence/easy way with life that the Wanteds have from what I have noticed.

I honestly don't think you would be able to tell who was wanted and who was a surprise in my family. My mother caused much hilarity in the family with her tactless approach but, and I think it is a big but, we were the centre of her life and loved unconditionally so it didn't hurt. Perhaps your mother was more tactful, although that is relative, but less loving.

One of the stories I heard in childhood, alongside my mother wanting to commit suicide when it was confirmed I was on the way, was that I was born at home. That night after the midwife left and granny went to bed, I was unwell. She described how she and my father sat and watched me all night, crying and scared until they felt OK about dad going out and phoning the midwife who promptly arrived and told them all was well, just some after effects of a difficult birth. I knew I was loved even though unplanned. I am sorry that you don't seem to have had that.

Just wanted to add that three of mine was planned, one was a surprise. They do not know that and I think if you told them they would struggle to agree which one was the surprise.

Sorry, just realised I was replying to moneyistooshorttomention and nothing to do with OP. Sorry OP, I hope you are feeling OK, you sound as if you have made your decision and I hope everything goes well for you. I suppose one thing is clear from what money has said and that is if a baby can't be welcomed into the family, planned or not, it may affect them negatively. Perhaps that will help you. Good luck.

sportbeth

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Don't I have as much 'right' to my 'pro-life' opinion as you do to your pro-choice one?

I can't understand how it is now OK to just abort a baby for financial reasons... I didn't even think that was even legal.

"Why an abortion may be needed

There are many reasons why a woman might decide to have an abortion including:
personal circumstances
a health risk to the mother
a high probability that the baby will have a medical condition"

Taken from the NHS website. I think personal circumstances covers it.

paulineb_2

People have the right to their opinions but are opinions that are clearly opposed to what the op is planning to do really going to help?

Comments such as no sympathy from me, comments about being reckless with contraception when she was on the pill.

A lot of assumptions being made just because some people have the opposite opinion.

I'd be ashamed if I were talking to someone who is clearly upset in this fashion. Its not about our opinions, its about being able to give someone a bit of support and if people can't then what are they doing on the thread?

There's a vast difference in saying, have you considered every option, are you sure you couldn't manage financially than saying no sympathy from me, you've been reckless with contraception.

Oh and to me its apparent that the ops partner has said no kids, no adoption, she might not be getting the support she needs from him either.

It would be more positive to direct someone over to the benefits board to see if they are going to claim everything they are entitled to rather than making unhelpful comments about their proposed termination.

No wonder people make up second profiles if this is the reception they get on here.
If people want to debate this issue, do it elsewhere, the op didn't come on here for a lecture on whether the choice she's making is acceptable to people or not.