Sensitive first post

Tiredandstressed_3

Hi all. I'm a frequent user here but have gone anon.
I have recently found out I am 7 weeks pregnant.

Completely by accident and we have decided to have an abortion. We are still in debt and need both wages to pay the bills, mortgage and debts.
I have been trying to look to see what benefits we would be entitled to if we decided to keep the baby but I have been on the . Gov website and benefits checker and I don't really understand it.
The reasons for wanting the abortion are 95% financial and 5% because we want to have a bit of a life now the other kids are grown up.
I just feel so selfish and stressed over it all and wanted a rant.

Kayalana99

Have you thought about putting baby up for adoption? Baby is alive now, and I know its hard to give up a baby(and admit to family thats what your doing) but wouldn't this be better then not giving them a chance to live?

In another way, think of how happy a couple would be out thier by you giving them a chance to raise a baby they wouldn't of had otherwise.

Sorry I know it will be a stressful time, I don't want to seem judgemental its just personally I couldn't go through with an abortion - but I have had kids young to have a life when I am older so I can understand why you wouldn't want a baby now.

What are you struggling with to understand on the checker? I did it yesterday and they ask a few weird questions but rest seemed straight forward to me x

Tiredandstressed_3

I spoke to hubby about adoption and he said a straight no. Said he wouldn't be able to go through with it and equally we couldn't keep it.

As I am currently working, I find the checker hard to try and base it in the possible scenario in 7 months time.

I've done nothing but stress since we found out. It's making it harder as I've had terrible morning sickness.

pinkapplepie21

Hi Tired,

I recently had an abortion just before christmas. It was the hardest thing I've had to do but I knew then and know now it was the RIGHT thing for me.

It was incredibly traumatic, the worst part of the experience after actually making the decision was arriving at the clinic to be accosted by catholic men and women clutching bibles and leaflets shouting at me that "god" wants me to keep the baby. Horrible considering the whole process is bad enough and I was crying my eyes out.

I wont go into the reasons for my abortion, but they were numerous and valid to me and my family. My other half found it very hard to deal with as he wanted to keep the baby but we have come through it and are stronger as a result.

Be aware that opinions on this subject are very strong and you may encounter people on this forum and in life (doctors etc) who are opposed but please remember this is your life and your body and ultimately it is more selfish to bring a child into this world who is not 100% wanted and looked after to your full ability.

My advice is get as much information as possible and use the counselling service provided as many times as you like. Ask questions and good luck.

x

paulineb_2

When you say equally you couldnt keep it what do you mean? Has this been a joint decision about the termination? Do you both feel the same way?

I have my views on abortion and some people will have the opposing views and I dont think its relevant to this thread to say how I feel, all I will say, if you do plan to go through with this termination, please try and get counselling and support before you make the final decision and also be aware that you do need to be thinking about time, you are already 7 weeks along if termination is what you are going to choose.

fluffnutter

Do you want an abortion? The way I see it - the only reason for getting an abortion is because you don't want a baby. Not because you don't want to be skint. It sounds like you're keen but the OH isn't.

There's also a tiny bit of me that thinks this is all billy-bollox but I could be being overly cynical. Time will tell I guess...

savingmummy

Maybe give them a call and ask if your finding it hard to figure out yourself.

I know babies/children come with expense BUT it don`t nessesary have too cause any major expense on top of what you have now.

All the best in your decision.

Tiredandstressed_3

Thanks.
I'm divided on it too.
My husband does not want any children. We can't afford for either one of us to leave work plus we live miles away from any family so have no support network at all here.
It all feels like such a mess. I burst into tears when I went to the clinic to find out the process. I jut want to make 100% sure I'm doing the right thing. At the moment I'm 95% sure.

Wightliving

'and 5% because we want to have a bit of a life'

What about the baby you have growing inside of you, does he/she not have a right to a life?

I had an abortion years ago for what I thought were 'good reasons'. Biggest regret of my life.

All babies are blessings.

fluffnutter

Tiredandstressed wrote: »

My husband does not want any children.

You said you've already got some.

I'm calling it - this is a wind-up.

Tiredandstressed_3

fluffnutter wrote: »

Do you want an abortion? The way I see it - the only reason for getting an abortion is because you don't want a baby. Not because you don't want to be skint. It sounds like you're keen but the OH isn't.

There's also a tiny bit of me that thinks this is all billy-bollox but I could be being overly cynical. Time will tell I guess...

I can assure you this isn't bollox. I'm booked in for the procedure next week. Hubby keeps saying this is the right thing for us which I guess it is.
It's not about something as trivial as 'being skint'. But wanting to have a life together and not be in debt/ struggling for another 16 years