Sensitive first post

pops5588

Sorry you're going through this OP. Just wanted to say whatever you decide I hope you and your husband are happy (or atleast as much as you can be) and healthy with it.

Only thing I would say is don't listen to anybody else. I totally get that you want to vent on here and by all means go for it, but a lot of people on here (including myself) fall on different sides of this debate but it is your life and you should not feel judged or guilty by anyone. Please do not feel that anyone else's agenda should be yours too.

I agree with paulineb, maybe a bit of counselling would be a good way to go

Wishing you both luck

aridjis

Tiredandstressed wrote: »

.
The reasons for wanting the abortion are 95% financial and 5% because we want to have a bit of a life now the other kids are grown up.
I just feel so selfish and stressed over it all and wanted a rant.

Please don't do it because of finances. Obviously a pregnancy termination is a really personal decision and no-one can tell you what to do, but if it's just the money situation, you will manage. People do. Think how you'd feel if you got rid of it, would you regret it.

Tiredandstressed_3

I had my first child when I was 16. I'm now in my 30's. I have struggled all of my life financially bringing up children. I met my husband when the kids were 3&5 and hubby always said he didn't want any children of his own. I felt the same way. As I said in my previous post, this was accidental. Whilst it is what it is and here I am in this situation I can understand my husbands views that financially it's not viable. We have no support system like I had when mine were younger as we have moved away. I just feel so alone and my brain is muddled.
It's not him that is feeling the effects of pregnancy. He has said if I want to keep it then that's what we'll do bu I've been bringing children up all my life and feel selfish wanting a bit of a life doing husband and wife things without bringing up another baby.
If I kept it how would we cope? I'm the main earner in our house so couldn't afford a drop in wages. Let's say I took 6 weeks of maternity.
What then?
After the 6 weeks? We could lose the house and put the 2 children we have got out of a home.

heartbreak_star

You have to decide what is right for your family. Only you can do that.

however, I would make the decision sooner rather than later.

HBS x

DigForVictory

Don't carry this weight alone.

The medical double act to do this legally will not pull any punches, so get all the information you can & keep talking to your husband.

You'll both have to live with the consequences whichever way you decide & if he hasn't realised there might be consequences, get him to read up.

Best of luck with the next 4 weeks & the next 4 years...

pops5588

OP you don't need to justify yourself. Unfortunately it's one of those things that divides the masses and I see a huge amount of hypocrisy when it comes to this on these threads.
When people come on here about whether they should have another baby and they know they can't really afford it but their body clock is ticking they are immediately jumped on by people for having a baby when they can't afford it without tax-payers money. Now you are being told you shouldn't be basing your decision on finances or lack-there-of.

Whatever you do you can't win, I just hope you get the support you need.

heartbreak_star

panagia wrote: »

I sympathise with your view but that's not helpful, wightliving. I had an abortion, too, many years ago and yes the subject is upsetting but you can't come on here and dictate what someone else does. You can only give advice. I still feel very sad about what I did, and I judge myself badly for it. The pain never goes away.

What's worrying me about this particular case is that I am not getting the feeling the OP really does not want a baby, merely that there are financial difficulties and the husband is less than supportive. Having an abortion is not a simple case of go in, have the op, done and dusted, get on with your life, whatever the womens-libbers say. It does affect you further down the line, I won't lie about that or pretend it doesn't, but equally I would never push someone else to make a decision one way or another. It's their own choice.

I agree with a lot of this post, except the bit in purple - it depends on the person and how they view a <20 week embryo. It really would be that simple for me, but maybe not so much for someone who wants a baby.

HBS x

fluffnutter

panagia wrote: »

Having an abortion is not a simple case of go in, have the op, done and dusted, get on with your life, whatever the womens-libbers say.

Actually that's precisely what studies have shown. Obviously there'll be a number of women who feel negatively about their decision, but the majority don't. A number of long-time studies have shown quite the opposite - that regretting an abortion is very rare and that the vast majority of women don't feel any sadness at all. It's speculated that even when women do express sorrow, it's often because they believe this is expected by society as opposed to any genuine feeling of regret. It's also thought that the women who regret their decision were likely influenced by partners or parents in the first place - i.e. they didn't really want an abortion.

And 'womens-libbers'? Really? You sound about a hundred years old.

aridjis

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I agree with a lot of this post, except the bit in purple - it depends on the person and how they view a <20 week embryo. It really would be that simple for me, but maybe not so much for someone who wants a baby.

HBS x

Fair enough, I can only speak from my own experience and I know one or two other women who have had pregnancy terminations who also don't exactly feel comfortable about it. But it's a taboo subject and equally there may be other women out there who had an abortion and never thought about it again. People who haven't been through it can only theorize as to what they would do or feel.

aridjis

fluffnutter wrote: »

Actually that's precisely what studies have shown. Obviously there'll be a number of women who feel negatively about their decision, but the majority don't. A number of long-time studies have shown quite the opposite - that regretting an abortion is very rare and that the vast majority of women don't feel any sadness at all. It's speculated that even when women do express sorrow, it's often because they believe this is expected by society as opposed to any genuine feeling of regret. It's also thought that the women who regret their decision were likely influenced by partners or parents in the first place - i.e. they didn't really want an abortion.

And 'womens-libbers'? Really? You sound about a hundred years old.

You're talking rubbish.