Sensitive first post

daisiegg

Person_one wrote: »

It's far far more socially acceptable to tell people you've had a miscarriage than an abortion though. Plenty of people do share that information, all the time, especially if they'd already announced the pregnancy to friends and family.

I still don't think that means it is ok to lie and say you had a miscarriage if you didn't. If you are worried about how people would react to hearing you had a termination, don't tell them anything.

Person_one

daisiegg wrote: »

I still don't think that means it is ok to lie and say you had a miscarriage if you didn't. If you are worried about how people would react to hearing you had a termination, don't tell them anything.

Even if they knew you were pregnant?

This is all part of the problem though, ending a pregnancy is perfectly legal, it's not immoral and is usually a completely sensible decision, so why do women still act and get treated as though they've done something to be ashamed of?

coolcait

daisiegg wrote: »

Personally I would not be telling random colleagues that I had had a miscarriage or a termination and I think most people don't discuss those things with many others.

I wouldn't either - personally.

However, in my workplace, I seem to be in a very definite minority on that point.

Thinking about it, I know a huge amount about my colleagues' fertility - the good, the bad and the heartbreaking.

I'm not sure why that is. It's a very female dominated environment, but - as you and I have just demonstrated - not all females will share that kind of personal information.

That said, I think that there is a difference between understanding why someone might do something, and condoning it (a phrase which I usually use when discussing political and social issues rather than fertility!).

So, I can understand why a woman might suggest that she has had a miscarriage, rather than an abortion.

However, people can also appear judgemental about miscarriages. Questions about what the woman had been doing, eating, drinking before the miscarriage happened. Questions, views, judgements about when, or if, the woman should try to get pregnant again.

Actually, thinking about it, female reproductive health is a political and social issue! Maybe that's why so many people feel able to comment on, and criticise, an individual woman's reproductive choices?

daisiegg

Person_one wrote: »

Even if they knew you were pregnant?

This is all part of the problem though, ending a pregnancy is perfectly legal, it's not immoral and is usually a completely sensible decision, so why do women still act and get treated as though they've done something to be ashamed of?

If they were close enough to know you were pregnant then presumably they are close enough to already know you had a termination. I suspect most women who have terminations don't tell loads of people they are pregnant in the first place. Most people don't announce pregnancies until after 12 weeks.

As for the comment about it not being immoral, that is only your opinion. Many, many people would disagree (not me, for the record).

Laurajo_2

Torry_Quine wrote: »

That's why some may feel it better to pretend it was a miscarriage. Saying abortion is a 'choice' while strictly true doesn't tell the whole story and there is still a lose.

Of course there is a loss, and I am sure a lot of women who have had abortions go through the grieving process, the same as with a miscarriage.

But the aspect of choice, even though it might not feel like a choice to the person in question at that time...sorry, to me there is a world of difference...I can't imagine it makes them feel much better pretending it was a miscarriage, anyway, surely it just compounds the guilt that they may be feeling?

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think if you're going to make a decision, you should stick with it. If more people did, perhaps there would be less stigma around it.

Person_one

daisiegg wrote: »

As for the comment about it not being immoral, that is only your opinion. Many, many people would disagree (not me, for the record).

They'd be wrong!

The circumstances in which women have abortions are many and varied, not all are early and plenty are for women who were initially happy to be pregnant.

daisiegg

Person_one wrote: »

They'd be wrong!

.

....in your opinion!

sooty&sweep

I've read your initial post but I'm sorry I've not read through all the posts. I just wanted to say you don't sound like someone who has acted irresponsibly or is taking this decision lightly so I just wanted to say do what feels right to you and big hugs whatever decision you make.

Jen

Person_one

daisiegg wrote: »

....in your opinion!

If you insist.

marywooyeah

Person_one wrote: »

Not that long ago there was a poster who used to tell terrible stories about her 'forced' abortion. The story had more holes than Swiss cheese but some people believed it and it was, frankly, dangerous and irresponsible not to challenge that.

As I said, it's a serious topic, it's not like ignoring the funny trolls.

Your comments about what happened to me were so hurtful, offensive and quite frankly downright ignorant that I stopped using this website for months. I shared what I suffered to try to help someone who was having a crisis pregnancy and if you chose not to believe what I went through thats up to you, but it didn't then and doesn't now give you the right to be so nasty towards me or undermine my loss.

Its coming up to 8 years since I lost my child and it still hurts so much, you couldn't even begin to imagine what I went through so if you don't believe it thats up to you but you're bang out of order referring to me in this manner.

Op came on here because she's obviously torn between what to do and you posted a picture of an unborn baby with a sarcastic caption, how does that possibly help her?