Sensitive first post

Person_one

I won't apologise for challenging your scare stories and your links to offensively anti-abortion groups like care confidential.

I'm truly sorry that you regret your abortion, I am, but the things you posted about medical professionals and pro-choice groups couldn't be left to stand unquestioned I'm afraid.

The OP isn't torn at all, she's made her decision and had before she started the thread.

Person_one

Tiredandstressed wrote: »

Ah ok. Reading back I can see why you would think that. I was just a bit emotional and just started writing it down however it was muddling around in my mind. I didn't really consider asking for advice I just wanted to get it all off my chest. Maybe I just wanted a sympathetic ear seeing as I can't actually tell anyone in the real world.

Then it seems I was wrong, so I apologise.

Best of luck with everything, for what it's worth I think you've made a sensible, thoughtful decision and there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a bit of life for yourself.

maintenanceman

i haven't read all replies. there are a lyt of opinions abd advice. You say "we". I don't that is the case. it is a question of YOU. forget the other influence. It is you for you that you hold for the rest of your life, and the kife of another.

Alchemilla

jetplane wrote: »

Then I think there's your answer. Don't let others plant doubt in your mind. x
If I had a termination I would tell everyone I had an early miscarriage this way I would be able to grieve and talk about it. I'm sure this may offend some people who have miscarried a long wanted child but some unwanted pregnancies also miscarry.

I am horrified that you would group people who miscarry with people who choose abortion.
Especially people who have tried and tried to fall pregnant.

seven-day-weekend

I think in some cases there may be MORE grief involved in an abortion, simply because it IS a choice you have made. A miscarriage is an accident, a terrible thing but no-one's fault, but an abortion is something you have chosen, so there may be an element of guilt there as well.

Please be aware I am NOT saying one is worse than the other, in both cases you have lost your baby and that is a terrible thing and people will grieve differently.

Personally I know several people who have had miscarriages, they grieved for their lost baby. I know several people who have had abortions, mostly they have grieved but I know one person who didn't, because it was expedient to do at the time.

As regards the OP I fees sorry for her having to make this hard decision and hope she has good friends who will support her in whatever decision she makes.

FBaby

I think in some cases there may be MORE grief involved in an abortion, simply because it IS a choice you have made. A miscarriage is part of 's4!t happens' but an abortion is something you have chosen.

I see totally the opposite. An abortion is something to do because you don't want a child. A miscarriage is often what you want most in the world taken away from you. When I fell pregnant with my now husband, I thought life couldn't get any better. I was so so happy and he was finally going to become a dad. I were already at an advance age and thought ourselves so lucky. Losing what was our baby in our mind was devastating, but became even more so when we went on to discover that we were infertile and would never get that chance again.

I suppose it might be different for an accidental pregnancy, when you are still not sure whether you want to be pregnant at the stage of the miscarriage, but can't possibly compared when you much wanted the baby you will not have.

claire16c

It does say on the nhs link that the method she has chosen can be used from 7-15 weeks & I would have chosen that over tablets too.

I doubt there are many abortions that cause more grief than a miscarriage. If it did why would you have the abortion in the first place? When you have a miscarriage all you want is your baby back.

lostinrates

Alchemilla wrote: »

I am horrified that you would group people who miscarry with people who choose abortion.
Especially people who have tried and tried to fall pregnant.

I'm sadly infertile.

I am well able to divide my situation between that of someone in this sort of situation. In fact, I find it harder to empathise with people with more children than they can provide for personally.

My infertility does not challenge my prochoice stance, in fact if anything its shown me how important it is that each and every baby is both wanted, and able to be provided for.

paulineb_2

People have abortions for many reasons. I know someone who became pregnant due to being raped and decided to have a termination. I don't think it is helpful for this thread to judge anyone. Some people don't make a decision re abortion lightly and it's an emotive subject.

I'm sorry for anyone who has lost a baby through miscarriage but I've seen comments elsewhere on this forum where people have been very judgemental about other people choosing to have a termination and yes there are people who say they would never have a termination under any circumstances, but for many women, its not a decision they take lightly. And for women who have ended a pregnancy and not regretted it, that is their individual decision to make and deal with, everyone deals with life issues in their own way.

I'm sure its tough enough to come on a forum and say you are considering a termination and I don't think people arguing and nit picking one anothers posts is helpful at all.

Every woman's pregnancy situation is different. In an ideal world women would have a child under positive circumstances. Its not like that for many women.

jetplane

Alchemilla wrote: »

I am horrified that you would group people who miscarry with people who choose abortion. Especially people who have tried and tried to fall pregnant.

Where did I say such a thing? If you read my post properly you would see that I actually said the opposite. It is the chinese whispers effect.

FBaby wrote: »

I see totally the opposite. An abortion is something to do because you don't want a child. A miscarriage is often what you want most in the world taken away from you.

claire16c wrote: »

I doubt there are many abortions that cause more grief than a miscarriage. If it did why would you have the abortion in the first place? When you have a miscarriage all you want is your baby back.

None of these statements are true they are opinion. It is never that simple, not all abortions are because you don't want a child, some abortions cause immense grief, not all miscarriages are wanted babies.

The posts on this thread go some way to explaining why the OP felt she needed to post on a forum as she can not tell anyone in real life, too many women still judge other women on their own values and experience. how sad