Sensitive first post

Person_one

Judi wrote: »

There is no excuse for telling lies to gain sympathy.

I expect that attitude is exactly why some women feel they have to lie to avoid being judged.

Armchair23

OK entering the fray...

I expect whatever decision you make you'll have regrets, all of the 'what might have beens' are hard to bear . But a decision will be made however hard and sad it might be.

But in my personal opinion I'd rather have regrets about a termination than struggle though an unwanted pregnancy and hope that during the years that it takes to raise a child there is never a moment when your resentments cause you to say or do something unkind to your child or your partner that you'll never be able to make right. And it won't be just the once 18 years is a long time.

I am the result of an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm sure there are loads of you out there, unplanned, but hopping from foot to foot full of joy and loved by all your family and thrilled that you are alive. I'm not, and I just wanted to say it's not always easy to raise the kids you love and yearn for. But it's a hell of a lot harder to raise the ones that you don't want.

In the end, whatever you choose, just be kind to yourself. I don't think it's for any of us to judge your decisions.

Much love

daisiegg

Person_one wrote: »

I expect that attitude is exactly why some women feel they have to lie to avoid being judged.

I don't understand your point. You think it is ok to lie (about anything) to get sympathy?

System

Person_one wrote: »

I expect that attitude is exactly why some women feel they have to lie to avoid being judged.

Well I don't judge anyone. Like I say, I am pro choice and I would have fought for the right to have an abortion if I'd needed one but saying that. I wouldn't have relied on other people for sympathy. Grief is something you have to go through, and you go through it alone.

Person_one

daisiegg wrote: »

I don't understand your point. You think it is ok to lie (about anything) to get sympathy?

The idea that a miscarriage is worthy of sympathy but an abortion that was a difficult sad decision isn't doesn't bother you at all?

jetplane

To be fair I did not say that I would lie for sympathy I said for self preservation. Grief is personal, yes, but you don't have to go through it alone. And sometimes people don't realise that they are being judgemental.

GwylimT

Person_one wrote: »

The idea that a miscarriage is worthy of sympathy but an abortion that was a difficult sad decision isn't doesn't bother you at all?

I know this isn't aimed at me, but this is my take on it.

A person chooses an abortion, a woman suffering a miscarriage doesn't choose to end her childs life, it is forced on her. Yes, for many women and men abortion is hard, but after all it is a choice and I do think lying and saying you have suffered a miscarriage isn't very sensitive to those whose child has died.

I do think if you are uncomfortable telling certain people that you have decided to have an abortion that you need to be careful who you tell, or expect that some people might not be as sympathetic as you would hope.

daisiegg

GwylimT wrote: »

I know this isn't aimed at me, but this is my take on it.

A person chooses an abortion, a woman suffering a miscarriage doesn't choose to end her childs life, it is forced on her. Yes, for many women and men abortion is hard, but after all it is a choice and I do think lying and saying you have suffered a miscarriage isn't very sensitive to those whose child has died.

I do think if you are uncomfortable telling certain people that you have decided to have an abortion that you need to be careful who you tell, or expect that some people might not be as sympathetic as you would hope.

Thanks, you have pretty much said what I would have said - with emphasis on the fact that a miscarriage is not a choice.

toniq

Op you really need to talk to hubby and remember you are both in this together, burying his head in the sand wont solve anything.

I have an Ivf baby she was a twin, in seperate sacs, Her twin didn't make it past 8 weeks, It was a weird bunch of feelings, elation and grief at once, seeing the sacs seeing one heartbeat and not two really affected me.

If you are waivering and not sure then you might need counselling, Not everyone has the emotional capactiy to bounce back from these situations.

If you do really want to keep and don't speak out to your husband then he will never know your true feelings, be brave if that is what you deep down want.

If it isn't you really need him by your side to be strong and help you through this.

Whatever you decide good luck to you x

jetplane

Well there you go GwylimT & daisyegg two posts which judge the woman who has chosen and who therefore carries blame and is therefore less deserving of sympathy. I rest my case