Sensitive first post

supersaver2

j.e.j. wrote: »

I miss tod123

Not entirely sure this thread is the time or place to have casual conversations about other posters. I'm a bit shocked at how insensitive some people can be.

Tiredandstressed_3

Post #106?

Tiredandstressed_3

Ah ok. Reading back I can see why you would think that. I was just a bit emotional and just started writing it down however it was muddling around in my mind. I didn't really consider asking for advice I just wanted to get it all off my chest. Maybe I just wanted a sympathetic ear seeing as I can't actually tell anyone in the real world.

coolcait

Person_one wrote: »

Not that long ago there was a poster who used to tell terrible stories about her 'forced' abortion. The story had more holes than Swiss cheese but some people believed it and it was, frankly, dangerous and irresponsible not to challenge that.

As I said, it's a serious topic, it's not like ignoring the funny trolls.

Tough one.

I know that I'm on record as believing that this particular board has a very high proportion of made up threads - often starting off with the phrases "I'm a long-time poster using another name", and variants, or "I'm a long-time lurker". There are usually some stylistic similarities to go along with those phrases and the often controversial topics.

Not getting those vibes here...

I'm also on record as agreeing that it's important to challenge misinformation about serious subjects, especially potentially dangerous misinformation.

But, there are times (again, on record as having said it before) where the person who is giving out the misinformation does genuinely believe that what they are saying is true.

To me, that's a very different thing from someone who is knowingly making up porkies. I'd still challenge the misinformation, however.

As for the situation described on this thread, I think that many posters have given excellent advice:

- a woman in this situation has to do what is right for her
- counselling both before and after deciding whether or not to have an abortion, and after having the procedure (if relevant) is advisable
- there is nothing wrong with considering the financial implications of having another child. It is often recommended as a first step in other circumstances.

jetplane

I haven't read every post, however I'm not sure anyone could ever be 100%, would your OH have the snip after this or you have your tubes tied? I would ask myself that question.

You have a choice and if you choose abortion you should not look back with regret. You may well think of the child that may have been, but always remember that you made the right decision for you at that time.

No one can know what the future will bring but you can have a happy life after abortion. Not everyone copes with an unplanned baby it's bollox to say that they do. Some relationships end, some mothers struggle. It's a sad world when a woman who miscarried is given such sympathy while a woman who aborts is judged. Both have suffered a loss and should be allowed to grieve.

Tiredandstressed_3

Thanks Jetplane. He's been waiting for an appointment for a vasectomy when this happened.

jetplane

Then I think there's your answer. Don't let others plant doubt in your mind. x
If I had a termination I would tell everyone I had an early miscarriage this way I would be able to grieve and talk about it. I'm sure this may offend some people who have miscarried a long wanted child but some unwanted pregnancies also miscarry.

GwylimT

Tiredandstressed wrote: »

That's a ridiculous thing to say.
Have you not read the whole post?
I was taking contraception which failed for reasons unknown.
I'm damn sure he has not willingly wanting to put us both through this emotional turmoil.

Unless he had already had a vasectomy or he was also using contraception, he clearly was willing for his wife to become pregnant. If someone genuinely doesn't want any children, then they need to take the responsibility and prevent it from happening, if he didn't want you to be in this position, he would have been snipped a long time ago. Yes, children can come at times that aren't great and it can be quite distressing at first to find out you are expecting, but to risk getting your wife pregnant when you don't want any children is what I consider cruel.

Tiredandstressed_3

Well I don't think he is/ was trying to put me in this situation.
I also think you are speaking !!!!! but hey-ho whatever.

daisiegg

jetplane wrote: »

If I had a termination I would tell everyone I had an early miscarriage this way I would be able to grieve and talk about it.

Wow.........