Hubby's family think I'm nuts!

paulineb_2

Also, someone has a lingering kiss with a fifteen year old?

How can you choose to see that?

You see it with your own eyes. Relatives, you peck them on the cheeks or lips, unless you are in a relationship with someone, no lingering kisses.

Mojisola

Elaine434 wrote: »

To whomever said about my witnessing the kiss, it wasn't a French kiss or anything like that, but it lingered and he was hugging her, I was uncomfortable and I know others saw it the same way, a few comments were made later in the evening.

He says he doesn't remember kissing her at all, but if he did that's just what you do at new year and I'm just being jealous.

How many of the other girls/women did he kiss in the same way - if it's "what you do at New Year", he wouldn't just have done it with one person, would he?

Caroline_a

Elaine434 wrote: »

Well according to his parents she turns 16 next week and then she can do as she pleases, she's a handful, but I want to make it clear I in no way blame her for this situation. I see her as a vulnerable child.

This leapt out at me. They really don't sound like suitable foster parents for a young vulnerable teenager. So they will let her do as she pleases after next week..? have sex, take drugs, get drunk? Lovely parenting... not. Get out, girl, before you get swamped by this type of attitude which of course 'is all your fault'!!

meritaten

did he kiss his mother like that? his aged aunties? You? if other people commented on it then it was not appropriate.
btw - Social Services are not always in charge of 'fostering' vulnerable young adults - and the private services are so desperate for foster parents they aren't always very 'approachable' with concerns.

andygb

paulineb wrote: »

Also, someone has a lingering kiss with a fifteen year old?

How can you choose to see that?

You see it with your own eyes. Relatives, you peck them on the cheeks or lips, unless you are in a relationship with someone, no lingering kisses.

You are quite right.
As far as I am concerned, he is already cheating on the OP, and is grooming an underage girl.

marisco_2

Your husband is 34 and was behaving extremely inappropriately with an under age girl. Fawning over her, plying her with alcohol against the express wishes of those responsible for her and then being very suggestive in the way he kissed her. If those actions wouldn't send a strong and dangerous message, to an impressionable unworldly young girl I don't know what would! That basically boils down to him grooming her. That her foster parents most likely witnessed this and did nothing about it is also very concerning.

As soon as you raised totally valid concerns with him about this he twisted things and publicly made you look like the bad guy. Deflecting all his failings and faults onto you. He is quite the manipulator isn't he. You caught him out and questioned him and this is how he reacts.

It would seem that he has knocked your confidence hugely, and that he has a level of control over you, in as much as you are on here asking how you could have handled things better. As far as I can see you did everything right in asking him what he thought he was doing. How you proceed from here is your decision. Personally I could not be with someone who carried on in such a disgusting way. I would not be able to place any trust again. It would also not sit well with me to ignore what a risk he is to children. I would report him to the police and see what they made of it all.

Bennifred

FBaby wrote: »

This as a one off event is not really significant. He was drunk, probably went a bit overboard with the girl, but most likely nothing more than a drunk man acting stupid, not realising that it's one thing to act like this with an adult, another with a 15yo. Her wanting to go in and talk to him whilst in the shower, well, that's a reflection of her behaviour rather than his, but in anycase, it didn't happen.

The question is: How reflective was this behaviour on that day of your relationship as a whole. If you have a good relationship otherwise, I would put it as him being an idiot and moving on. If however it is bringing up deeper issues in your relationship, then I would stop and think about everything that is causing you doubt.

If it had been my husband, I would have been annoyed by him acting stupid, but not for one second would I have been concerned that he was trying to flirt or hit on the girl. I know that if I had made any allusions to him trying it on with the girl, he would have been extremely offended and upset. Still, I would have made it clear that his behaviour was embarrassing especially with a 15yo, but there is a difference between being foolishly drunk, and having innapropriate thoughts and intentions with a young girl.

No. No normal responsible adult man, even after a few drinks, would behave in such a way with a child - giving them alcohol?:mad: Lingering kissing? :eek: What on earth are the foster parents thinking?? They sound most unsuitable to be foster parents.

OP, if what you have told us is true then at the very least you have a moral duty to speak to social services about the girl - she's at risk. Would you stand by and do nothing if that young girl was your daughter?

As for your husband's behaviour - you really do not have to put up with it. You can't force him to change, but you can look after your children and yourself without him if necessary.

paulineb_2

The op said in her first post he's never been trustworthy around women.

Not the basis of a happy relationship.

meritaten

marisco wrote: »

Your husband is 34 and was behaving extremely inappropriately with an under age girl. Fawning over her, plying her with alcohol against the express wishes of those responsible for her and then being very suggestive in the way he kissed her. If those actions wouldn't send a strong and dangerous message, to an impressionable unworldly young girl I don't know what would! That basically boils down to him grooming her. That her foster parents most likely witnessed this and did nothing about it is also very concerning.

As soon as you raised totally valid concerns with him about this he twisted things and publicly made you look like the bad guy. Deflecting all his failings and faults onto you. He is quite the manipulator isn't he. You caught him out and questioned him and this is how he reacts.

It would seem that he has knocked your confidence hugely, and that he has a level of control over you, in as much as you are on here asking how you could have handled things better. As far as I can see you did everything right in asking him what he thought he was doing. How you proceed from here is your decision. Personally I could not be with someone who carried on in such a disgusting way. I would not be able to place any trust again. It would also not sit well with me to ignore what a risk he is to children. Personally I would report him to the police and see what they made of it all.

^^^^^ exactly! Marisco has put it so much better!

paulineb_2

I'm not sure he was giving her booze against the wishes of the foster parents, in the opening post the op suggests that she saw him do that but the parents said it was in secret. Odd that they don't seem to be making a fuss about her drinking or indeed smoking, instead directing their anger at the op .

If the op saw him give her booze it obviously wasn't done in secret. And she's smoking too and there doesn't seem to be concern about that either.

Ill say this plainly, your own kids may not be at risk but he's got a warped view of what's appropriate and what isn't and for that reason, I think you need to consider getting out.

And being drunk and saying I don't remember, pathetic.