Hubby's family think I'm nuts!

GwylimT

Elaine434 wrote: »

But this is it. He hasn't done anything, behaved inappropriately, but nothing physical.

To the person who thinks I'm making this up. I'm not, this is my life. If u feel I'm not genuine I'm sure there is some sort of reporting process?

So kissing a child in a clearly sexual manner isn't physical and he hasn't done anything. I'm sorry, but there is no way I would ever witness something like that and class it as nothing, nor would I refrain from reporting them to both the police and social services. To be honest I find it quite worrying that an adult who witnesses her partner doing this seems to be treating it as fairly normal.

Mirno

Just playing devil's avocado for a minute - we're only hearing your presentation of the facts.
Are you sure that what you saw couldn't have been misconstrued by you? Could she have just been going for a talk? Did anyone else see it? What is their opinion of it?

Has he ever exhibited any kind of behaviour (in front of you) before? Having a 16 year old girlfriend when he was 25, while odd isn't a crime. You've been together for 5 years

While what you're saying does sound a lot like it's highly objectionable we weren't there. We can't really give an opinion.

People can advise what's likely to happen if you do separate, and they're right - his wanting or not wanting things a certain way doesn't matter a whole lot.

Elaine434

Mirno wrote: »

Just playing devil's avocado for a minute - we're only hearing your presentation of the facts.
Are you sure that what you saw couldn't have been misconstrued by you? Could she have just been going for a talk? Did anyone else see it? What is their opinion of it?

Has he ever exhibited any kind of behaviour (in front of you) before? Having a 16 year old girlfriend when he was 25, while odd isn't a crime. You've been together for 5 years

While what you're saying does sound a lot like it's highly objectionable we weren't there. We can't really give an opinion.

People can advise what's likely to happen if you do separate, and they're right - his wanting or not wanting things a certain way doesn't matter a whole lot.

Even if she were going to just talk, it would be unacceptable.

To whomever said about my witnessing the kiss, it wasn't a French kiss or anything like that, but it lingered and he was hugging her, I was uncomfortable and I know others saw it the same way, a few comments were made later in the evening.

He says he doesn't remember kissing her at all, but if he did that's just what you do at new year and I'm just being jealous.

But yes, of course his take on events is very different to mine.
I could be wrong, but his reaction, or right we are leaving and saying I accused him of things I didn't ring alarm bells for me

Elaine434

I also agree that I need to have a serious talk with my husband, although I'm in the dog house with everyone at the moment so not sure how easy that will be

fannyadams

THIS

Heffi1 wrote: »

My ex told me if I ever left he would not let me have the kids, I was so downtrodden, that I believed him, had I known of this site years ago, maybe I would have got the courage to go it alone, in the end it took until my kids were 19 and 22 to escape, I say escape because he would not leave me alone, constantly telling me what to do, what to wear, who to talk to, or not talk to, that I did not know my own mind.

I am free now, and he is onto his 3rd wife, you are still young, don't waste your years, hoping things will get better, afraid of the future, because the kids will pick up on it and it taints them too.

If you can get away even for a short time to give yourself some thinking time, it will do you good.

Do not say what you are doing if you feel he will keep the kids, make a plan and quietly put it into action, go to http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

and read the following and answer honestly the questions asked, you don't have to tell us the answers, but it might help you see what your life is like.

Recognising domestic violence

You can listen to this part of the Survivor's Handbook (mp3)

Everyone has arguments, and everyone disagrees with their partners, family members and others close to them from time to time. And we all do things at times that we regret, and which cause unhappiness to those we care about. But if this begins to form a consistent pattern, then it is an indication of domestic violence. The following questions may help you:

Has your partner tried to keep you from seeing your friends or family?
Yes No

Has your partner prevented you from continuing or starting a college course, or from going to work?
Yes No

Does your partner constantly check up on you or follow you?
Yes No

Does your partner unjustly accuse you of flirting or of having affairs with others?
Yes No

Does your partner constantly belittle or humiliate you, or regularly criticise or insult you in front of other people?
Yes No

Are you ever afraid of your partner?
Yes No

Have you ever changed your behaviour because you are afraid of what your partner might do or say to you?
Yes No

Has your partner ever destroyed any of your possessions deliberately?
Yes No

Has your partner ever hurt or threatened you or your children?
Yes No

Has your partner ever kept you short of money so you are unable to buy food and other necessary items for yourself and your children?
Yes No

Has your partner ever forced you to do something that you really did not want to do?
Yes No

Has your partner ever tried to prevent you from taking necessary medication, or seeking medical help when you felt you needed it?
Yes No

Has your partner ever tried to control you by telling you you could be deported because of your immigration status?
Yes No

Has your partner ever threatened to take your children away, or said he would refuse to let you take them with you, or even to see them, if you left him?
Yes No

Has your partner ever forced you to have sex with him or with other people? Has he made you participate in sexual activities that you were uncomfortable with?
Yes No

Has your partner ever tried to prevent your leaving the house?
Yes No

Does your partner blame his use of alcohol or drugs for his behaviour?
Yes No

Does your partner control your use of alcohol or drugs (for example, by forcing your intake or by withholding substances)?
Yes No

If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, this indicates that you may be experiencing domestic violence.

Because there are TOO MANY women staying with their partners/husbands/significant others because they don't think anyoen else will have them or the man who got them pregnant says you can't take the kids...

What he is doing is psychological bullying and YOU KNOW IT in your heart of heartsother wise you wouldn't have asked on here.
PLEASE talk to someone (not his family) because honestly IT'S NOT YOU.
YOU'RE NOT NUTS.

paulineb_2

Elaine434 wrote: »

I also agree that I need to have a serious talk with my husband, although I'm in the dog house with everyone at the moment so not sure how easy that will be

Even that sentence sums up just how wrong this all is. He behaves badly and you end up in the dog house.

And everyone doesnt matter, your marriage is your business.

Whether his family are talking to you or not is not the pressing issue, its his behaviour and whether you can carry on in the marriage long term.

Elaine434

The problem is, I'm starting to question if I am reading to much into it, am I seeing things that are not there because I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

I question everything I say and do now, tbh, I think I probably am a bit paranoid. But with him, every time you find out a little thing, it snowballs until you find out the behaviour you have found or seen is the tip of the iceberg.

fannyadams

what paulineb said

emmy05

the family only think youre nuts, cos they dont want you to report him for messin around with a 15yr old girl!!
really?? i wouldnt want anythin to do with my husband if thats his enjoyment of fun, get a grip woman! you have children! what if this was your child??

sassyblue

Elaine434 wrote: »

I also agree that I need to have a serious talk with my husband, although I'm in the dog house with everyone at the moment so not sure how easy that will be

Wow. This is so wrong, why blame you if there were comments about his lingering kiss?

I think you should take a step back and view if the family as a whole are weird, being mad with you could be a way to keep you quiet, it's controlling behaviour?