Hubby's family think I'm nuts!

warehouse

This is starting to sound more and more like a wind up.

paulineb_2

sassyblue wrote: »

He's a charmer, if you were to split the one leaving home should be him. He can tell you what he wants you don't have to believe him, you can take your children!

How old and what sexes are your children, has he ever acted like this before around underage girls?

Your husbands reaction was totally OTT.

Maybe a nerve was hit, hence the reaction he had.

Person_one

Elaine434 wrote: »

Hello

Long time lurker after some impartial advice please, x

There's a lot of that about at the minute.

Heffi1

My ex told me if I ever left he would not let me have the kids, I was so downtrodden, that I believed him, had I known of this site years ago, maybe I would have got the courage to go it alone, in the end it took until my kids were 19 and 22 to escape, I say escape because he would not leave me alone, constantly telling me what to do, what to wear, who to talk to, or not talk to, that I did not know my own mind.

I am free now, and he is onto his 3rd wife, you are still young, don't waste your years, hoping things will get better, afraid of the future, because the kids will pick up on it and it taints them too.

If you can get away even for a short time to give yourself some thinking time, it will do you good.

Do not say what you are doing if you feel he will keep the kids, make a plan and quietly put it into action, go to http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

and read the following and answer honestly the questions asked, you don't have to tell us the answers, but it might help you see what your life is like.

Recognising domestic violence

You can listen to this part of the Survivor's Handbook (mp3)

Everyone has arguments, and everyone disagrees with their partners, family members and others close to them from time to time. And we all do things at times that we regret, and which cause unhappiness to those we care about. But if this begins to form a consistent pattern, then it is an indication of domestic violence. The following questions may help you:

Has your partner tried to keep you from seeing your friends or family?
Yes No

Has your partner prevented you from continuing or starting a college course, or from going to work?
Yes No

Does your partner constantly check up on you or follow you?
Yes No

Does your partner unjustly accuse you of flirting or of having affairs with others?
Yes No

Does your partner constantly belittle or humiliate you, or regularly criticise or insult you in front of other people?
Yes No

Are you ever afraid of your partner?
Yes No

Have you ever changed your behaviour because you are afraid of what your partner might do or say to you?
Yes No

Has your partner ever destroyed any of your possessions deliberately?
Yes No

Has your partner ever hurt or threatened you or your children?
Yes No

Has your partner ever kept you short of money so you are unable to buy food and other necessary items for yourself and your children?
Yes No

Has your partner ever forced you to do something that you really did not want to do?
Yes No

Has your partner ever tried to prevent you from taking necessary medication, or seeking medical help when you felt you needed it?
Yes No

Has your partner ever tried to control you by telling you you could be deported because of your immigration status?
Yes No

Has your partner ever threatened to take your children away, or said he would refuse to let you take them with you, or even to see them, if you left him?
Yes No

Has your partner ever forced you to have sex with him or with other people? Has he made you participate in sexual activities that you were uncomfortable with?
Yes No

Has your partner ever tried to prevent your leaving the house?
Yes No

Does your partner blame his use of alcohol or drugs for his behaviour?
Yes No

Does your partner control your use of alcohol or drugs (for example, by forcing your intake or by withholding substances)?
Yes No

If you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, this indicates that you may be experiencing domestic violence.

GwylimT

If you haven't already you need to inform both the police and social services as not only is he targeting someone who is underage, he is targeting someone who is very vulnerable.

Elaine434

GwylimT wrote: »

If you haven't already you need to inform both the police and social services as not only is he targeting someone who is underage, he is targeting someone who is very vulnerable.

But this is it. He hasn't done anything, behaved inappropriately, but nothing physical.

To the person who thinks I'm making this up. I'm not, this is my life. If u feel I'm not genuine I'm sure there is some sort of reporting process?

easy

Blimey - if what you are saying about your husband's behaviour is true, then you are not mad, but he is.

This girl is in foster care, the authorities consider her to be vulnerable (that's why she is in foster care in the first place) and as such everyone around her should be thinking about behaving in a VERY responsible manner.
The last thing she needs is an immature arrogant ar$* - twice her age - flirting with her and encouraging her to drink.

I think you are right to pull your husband up over this, and TBH I would see his massive reaction to your comments - "Right, We're going home " to be a sign of a guilty conscience.

When everyone has calmed down, perhaps you could point out to him that Foster Carers do have very special responsibilities (I know, My sister & her husband are foster carers), and if anything had gone on to happen, they could have been in quite a lot of trouble.
What if the girl HAD gone into the bathroom with your husband & later told someone .... Or worse, if she later accused him of something ? It does happen .. it's not at all unusual for children in care to do that, they perceive that it helps to get them more attention.

I think in your shoes you need to think carefully about your relationship. I couldn't imagine being married to a man about whom I could say

my husband has never been trustworthy round women, he's never cheated as far as I know but he steps over the line often, flirting messaging women from work etc.

paulineb_2

Elaine434 wrote: »

But this is it. He hasn't done anything, behaved inappropriately, but nothing physical.

To the person who thinks I'm making this up. I'm not, this is my life. If u feel I'm not genuine I'm sure there is some sort of reporting process?

He kissed her, he gave her alcohol, thats absolutely inappropriate as it is, but shes his parents foster daughter. Its not acceptable and if all of this did happen, shes in the wrong foster placement. Its one thing a teen in foster care going out and getting drunk and snogging men of their own accord, to actually allow your own married 34 year old son to do it and say its ok because shes 16 next week and she can do what she wants? Come on.

If you thought it was ok, you wouldnt have hit the roof in the first place.

aileth

Holy cripes. If my Family in Law saw my OH fawning over essentially a child and then giving her a big snog over me at New Years they'd probably reach for the rusty knife quicker than me.

kelpie35

I would contact the social services that the child is fostered through, informing them of how this child is being looked after.

If your DH's parents where proper foster parents they should not allow the girl in their care, to drink or smoke.

You are not mad and if I were you I would be asking your DH to leave the family home till he gets the help that he needs.

You will be surprised how you will cope and you will know that you have done something worth while to protect a vulnerable child.