Hubby's family think I'm nuts!

Mirno

You're better off talking to the other witnesses, and getting them to mention it to your in-laws. They'll naturally side with their son, and not want to believe he's a that sort of person.
Also the other witnesses are not personally involved - which makes it much more difficult for them to ignore.

What you do about your husband drunkenly kissing another (very young) woman is a different matter. I'm not really well placed to judge that - perhaps a close friend who knows you both would be better to talk things over with.
The forum will likely mirror your own emotional input, and sympathise with you. But we don't know you, him or your relationship so it's not a very impartial source.

Like I said though - the advice on what can happen, what will happen, and what definitely wont happen if you split - that'll be top notch here!
If you think he's bullying you to keep quite with threats if you split - that's not a good sign either way you look at it. And people will be able to tell you the facts here.

Mirno

meritaten

He sneaked her alcoholic drinks all night then snogged her in front of everyone? YOU aren't nutty, I would have been furious too! and heres a thought - hell hath no fury like a man caught in the act!

paulineb_2

Mirno wrote: »

You're better off talking to the other witnesses, and getting them to mention it to your in-laws. They'll naturally side with their son, and not want to believe he's a that sort of person.
Also the other witnesses are not personally involved - which makes it much more difficult for them to ignore.

What you do about your husband drunkenly kissing another (very young) woman is a different matter. I'm not really well placed to judge that - perhaps a close friend who knows you both would be better to talk things over with.
The forum will likely mirror your own emotional input, and sympathise with you. But we don't know you, him or your relationship so it's not a very impartial source.

Like I said though - the advice on what can happen, what will happen, and what definitely wont happen if you split - that'll be top notch here!
If you think he's bullying you to keep quite with threats if you split - that's not a good sign either way you look at it. And people will be able to tell you the facts here.

Mirno

Doesnt matter if we know her, him or their relationship, even with the bare facts as they are presented, if hes done what shes said hes done, its wrong.

bagpussbear

In my opinion, in a nutshell - you're not nutty, his actions were wrong and unacceptable, his family are unfair by being mad at you, and your OH's reaction smacks of guilt.

I really feel for you if you believe you wouldn't be able to leave the relationship for fear of losing your kids, not having anywhere to go.

My advice would be to stand back from his family now, and speak to a solicitor about your rights if you did decide to finish the relationship. Knowledge can make you feel empowered, and help you make the right decisions about whether to leave, or stay.

Your OH is sniffing round a 15 year old girl. Even if she was 16, he is sniffing round her, and your gut instinct is telling you somethings very wrong. Listen to that instinct!

Mirno

paulineb wrote: »

Doesnt matter if we know her, him or their relationship, even with the bare facts as they are presented, if hes done what shes said hes done, its wrong.

But do you know what she says he has?
We're talking about a very serious situation - and I don't think we as a forum should be condemning a man based on the testimony of one person.

Any advice we give is tainted by her telling of this story.

The range of possibilities are:
Over reaction from the OP (I agree this is unlikely given the other witnesses).
Slight over reaction to a somewhat inappropriate drunken mistake.
Not at all inappropriate reaction to groping of a young impressionable girl.

I wasn't there, you weren't there, we can't say whether the situation as it happened was right, wrong or anything else because WE WEREN'T THERE!

I have the utmost sympathy for the OP - whatever happens things don't look good for the relationship. At the very least there are issues to be worked out. At the worst - well I don't really want to think about it because it's quite horrid.
We can't offer objective advice because we cannot be objective though.

Mirno

ska_lover

Elaine, I don't think you are nutty either - If I were in your position I would have gone completely mental at the kiss alone. I think you have handled it very well

His family are thinking that you are nutty, cos it is HIS family and he can do no wrong, and also the foster daughter - they are being naïve - IMO .

This smacks of wrong wrong wrong, persuing him to the toilet and shower repeatedly, sorry but I can't agree that she is completely blameless - despite her age - as she is persuing him. At 15, she certainly knows what she is doing. I definatley knew right from wrong at that age. She sounds a right little madam who probably enjoyed winding you up. Although your OH is definitely the one more to blame, as such, sneaking alcoholic drinks and is the one who is married to you

I agree with the poster above, if your instinct is telling you something is up, it more than likely is.

You already know he has a penchant for young girls as he had a 16 year old girlfriend when he was 25 - and furthermore what type of family that he comes from - that they saw no wrong in it, and allowed her to move into their home

Having said that, we do need to cut her some slack as god knows her background as she is fostered - you read all sorts of stories about young girls from broken homes looking for love in 'inappropriate' ways. Just because you have a bad background does not mean you have to become a victim and a product of your situation as such.

Im really sorry I cannot offer any opinion about what to do about it as I really don't know how I would handle it if it were me. I just wanted you to know, that you are not going nutty merely because a very one-sided group of people (his family) think you are

Edit to add, I have just been thinking how I would handle this if it were me, and I would be looking for a way out. Your OH sounds an @rsehole, and so do his family, Sorry for swearing, but I cannot think of a more appropriate term for him

System

I'd be furious too.

balletshoes

Elaine434 wrote: »

I'm asking if other people feeli m being as nutty as his entire family now do! He is still my husband because we have 3 children and afaik he has never cheated,
I'm always made to feel its all in my head

so this wasn't a one-off in your relationship with your OH?

System

I'm always made to feel its all in my head

They call it 'Gaslighting' love

Seems like his family have mastered the art.

FBaby

This as a one off event is not really significant. He was drunk, probably went a bit overboard with the girl, but most likely nothing more than a drunk man acting stupid, not realising that it's one thing to act like this with an adult, another with a 15yo. Her wanting to go in and talk to him whilst in the shower, well, that's a reflection of her behaviour rather than his, but in anycase, it didn't happen.

The question is: How reflective was this behaviour on that day of your relationship as a whole. If you have a good relationship otherwise, I would put it as him being an idiot and moving on. If however it is bringing up deeper issues in your relationship, then I would stop and think about everything that is causing you doubt.

If it had been my husband, I would have been annoyed by him acting stupid, but not for one second would I have been concerned that he was trying to flirt or hit on the girl. I know that if I had made any allusions to him trying it on with the girl, he would have been extremely offended and upset. Still, I would have made it clear that his behaviour was embarrassing especially with a 15yo, but there is a difference between being foolishly drunk, and having innapropriate thoughts and intentions with a young girl.