Hubby's family think I'm nuts!

Elaine434

Hello

Long time lurker after some impartial advice please, even if I am totally in the wrong I'd like to hear it!

It's a long story so I will keep it short. My husband and I went to his parents for new year, we ended up arguing quite badly over his behaviour towards his parents 15 year old foster daughter. Of course he insisted we go home there and then, thus ruining new year for everyone and they are all blaming me. I was for the record willing to wait until we got home to discuss issues, he insisted on making this a big family Jeremy Kyle drama.

I will keep it short but the minute we got there he was fawning all over this girl, asking her how she was ever 2 mins, getting her alcoholic drinks ( her foster parents, his mum and dad had said no he was doing this in secret) at the stroke of mid night he made a bee line for her and kissed her, a long kiss, it made me very uncomfortable and I'm sure other people noticed, he then followed her around all night.
I thought I may be imagining things as I had been drinking too, but then the next day he went for a shower and she went looking for him, had I not asked what was going on she would have gone into the bathroom, she claims to tqlk to him, this to me is not on, it's inappropriate, he is 34 and she is a child!

I spoke to him about it and all he'll broke loose, I'm mad, I need help, that's it we are going home. He told his parents I'm accusing him of sleeping with her ( I didn't) but his reaction has worried me?
They now think I'm nuts and it's all messy.

So what should I have done, how could I have handled this better.

I should add my husband has never been trustworthy round women, he's never cheated as far as I know but he steps over the line often, flirting messaging women from work etc.

All opinions welcome x

Wickedkitten

at the stroke of mid night he made a bee line for her and kissed her, a long kiss


sorry what?

What are you asking exactly and why is he still your husband if he isn't trustworthy?

msb5262

They think you're nuts?

Elaine434

Wickedkitten wrote: »

at the stroke of mid night he made a bee line for her and kissed her, a long kiss


sorry what?

What are you asking exactly and why is he still your husband if he isn't trustworthy?

I'm asking if other people feeli m being as nutty as his entire family now do! He is still my husband because we have 3 children and afaik he has never cheated, I'm always made to feel its all in my head

paulsad

Er... sack the husband thereby also sacking his parents in one fell swoop.

Wickedkitten

Elaine434 wrote: »

I'm asking if other people feeli m being as nutty as his entire family now do! He is still my husband because we have 3 children and afaik he has never cheated, I'm always made to feel its all in my head

I don't think you are nutty in the slightest. I do think that he is highly inappropriate and if he is kissing 15 year olds right in front of you there is something seriously wrong going on.

The fact that you are being made to think this is all in your head is more than a bit worrying really.

Ms_Chocaholic

No I don't think you're nuts, in fact if his parents are the foster parents of the 15 yo girl then they do not appear to be protecting her.

paulineb_2

Elaine434 wrote: »

Hello

Long time lurker after some impartial advice please, even if I am totally in the wrong I'd like to hear it!

It's a long story so I will keep it short. My husband and I went to his parents for new year, we ended up arguing quite badly over his behaviour towards his parents 15 year old foster daughter. Of course he insisted we go home there and then, thus ruining new year for everyone and they are all blaming me. I was for the record willing to wait until we got home to discuss issues, he insisted on making this a big family Jeremy Kyle drama.

I will keep it short but the minute we got there he was fawning all over this girl, asking her how she was ever 2 mins, getting her alcoholic drinks ( her foster parents, his mum and dad had said no he was doing this in secret) at the stroke of mid night he made a bee line for her and kissed her, a long kiss, it made me very uncomfortable and I'm sure other people noticed, he then followed her around all night.
I thought I may be imagining things as I had been drinking too, but then the next day he went for a shower and she went looking for him, had I not asked what was going on she would have gone into the bathroom, she claims to tqlk to him, this to me is not on, it's inappropriate, he is 34 and she is a child!

I spoke to him about it and all he'll broke loose, I'm mad, I need help, that's it we are going home. He told his parents I'm accusing him of sleeping with her ( I didn't) but his reaction has worried me?
They now think I'm nuts and it's all messy.

So what should I have done, how could I have handled this better.

I should add my husband has never been trustworthy round women, he's never cheated as far as I know but he steps over the line often, flirting messaging women from work etc.

All opinions welcome x

Your husband and his behaviour seems to be the problem. Shes underage for a start, I know they didnt sleep together, but snogging a 15 year old foster daughter of your parents? Id also assume that shes in foster care for a reason and could be vulnerable anyway, if so, shes in the wrong foster placement if these parents of his seem to think they did nothing wrong.

He was also giving her booze? He sounds like a right catch. If I were you Id be taking a long hard look at my marriage right now.

Elaine434

paulsad wrote: »

Er... sack the husband thereby also sacking his parents in one fell swoop.

3 kids no job and ill health make that very difficult. He told me when we got home that if I wanted to go I could but I'm not taking the kids, I have nowhere to go a dc retained would never leave my 3 small children

Mojisola

Elaine434 wrote: »

I will keep it short but the minute we got there he was fawning all over this girl, asking her how she was ever 2 mins, getting her alcoholic drinks ( her foster parents, his mum and dad had said no he was doing this in secret) at the stroke of mid night he made a bee line for her and kissed her, a long kiss, it made me very uncomfortable and I'm sure other people noticed, he then followed her around all night.

I thought I may be imagining things as I had been drinking too, but then the next day he went for a shower and she went looking for him, had I not asked what was going on she would have gone into the bathroom, she claims to tqlk to him, this to me is not on, it's inappropriate, he is 34 and she is a child!

Elaine434 wrote: »

I'm always made to feel its all in my head

It's not in your head but you may be a bit mad to have put up with this behaviour long enough to have had three kids with him.

Elaine434

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

No I don't think you're nuts, in fact if his parents are the foster parents of the 15 yo girl then they do not appear to be protecting her.

I feel that, she smokes she's out at all hours. If she were my daughter I would have words but I'm made to feel like some sort of mental woman.