Hubby's family think I'm nuts!

Prothet_of_Doom

Elaine434 wrote: »

3 kids no job and ill health make that very difficult. He told me when we got home that if I wanted to go I could but I'm not taking the kids, I have nowhere to go a dc retained would never leave my 3 small children

He's a !!!! and you should go see the CAB and get the locks changed.

tayforth

OP - first of all, you need to report all of what you have described to social services. This girl is a vulnerable 15-year-old in a highly inappropriate foster home, and she needs to be removed for her own safety and wellbeing.

Then you need to change the locks and put your husband out. NO adult should behave in this way. Plying an underage girl with alcohol, giving her a lingering kiss and letting her follow him into the bathroom, then turning on you when you point out that all of this is wrong??????

Please, do the right thing by yourself, your children and this girl who is at serious risk. Get rid of this pathetic excuse for a man ASAP.

Judi wrote: »

They call it 'Gaslighting' love

Seems like his family have mastered the art.

I was about to say the same thing.

marisco wrote: »

Your husband is 34 and was behaving extremely inappropriately with an under age girl. Fawning over her, plying her with alcohol against the express wishes of those responsible for her and then being very suggestive in the way he kissed her. If those actions wouldn't send a strong and dangerous message, to an impressionable unworldly young girl I don't know what would! That basically boils down to him grooming her. That her foster parents most likely witnessed this and did nothing about it is also very concerning.

As soon as you raised totally valid concerns with him about this he twisted things and publicly made you look like the bad guy. Deflecting all his failings and faults onto you. He is quite the manipulator isn't he. You caught him out and questioned him and this is how he reacts.

It would seem that he has knocked your confidence hugely, and that he has a level of control over you, in as much as you are on here asking how you could have handled things better. As far as I can see you did everything right in asking him what he thought he was doing. How you proceed from here is your decision. Personally I could not be with someone who carried on in such a disgusting way. I would not be able to place any trust again. It would also not sit well with me to ignore what a risk he is to children. I would report him to the police and see what they made of it all.

As ever, marisco, you have summed it all up perfectly.



As for those who question whether this thread is real, I'm with Pauline - I take people at face value. Even if this is made up, there might be someone else in a similar situation lurking and reading the advice given, and it might help them.

*Louise*

So this all happened at New Year - 9 days ago....what has been happening since then?

System

About 2 years ago I had the good fortune to talk to a lovely woman. She was just some random stranger I met on my day to day travels. She told me she used to foster children. I asked her why she stopped. Well she said she (and her husband) stopped when she had Grandchildren. I asked why and she explained it was the way the system works.

She told me she had many 'damaged' children come into her care over the years. None of the children went into care of their own choosing and were deeply distressed about being taken away from their families. Some of these children had been physically and sexually abused but it was the only thing they knew and they wanted to go home. They would do anything to go back home even though it was never going to happen.

Well these days, a child in desperation to go back home, or deeply disturbed has only got to make up stories about sexual or physical abuse by the foster carer and not only are the children taken away, they are unable to have lone contact with ANY child.... including their own Grandchildren.

For some, its just not worth the risk. For most, its not worth the risk.

candygirl

If you are serious , and are staying with this child abuser, you are nutty at the very least

Nenen

OP - if you are still reading, I'd like to know why your dh chose not to lock the bathroom door when he went to the toilet and/or took a shower (especially after the first time his foster-sister followed him into the bathroom)?