Hubby's family think I'm nuts!

BitterAndTwisted

Elaine434 wrote: »

The problem is, I'm starting to question if I am reading to much into it, am I seeing things that are not there because I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

I question everything I say and do now, tbh, I think I probably am a bit paranoid. But with him, every time you find out a little thing, it snowballs until you find out the behaviour you have found or seen is the tip of the iceberg.

What other reasons have there been to make you paranoid?

Is this fawning over and snogging of an under-age child in front of you the tip of the ice-berg or have there been other instances to make you feel like this? It's not clear to me.

What is clear, is that if his behaviour with this child made you unhappy and upset then it did, and you have every right to say so. Just sneaking her alcohol would have been beyond the Pale for me. Any other man, if he was completely innocent and surprised by your reaction, would not have dragged you out of the house in a fit of pique in front of everyone and made you feel like a paranoid idiot who is just making things up.

Even if he's not guilty of an actual physical betrayal, his behaviour since is giving every impression that he's thought about it and is not happy at having been caught out at it.

Errata

I should add my husband has never been trustworthy round women, he's never cheated as far as I know but he steps over the line often, flirting messaging women from work etc.

He's clearly not trustworthy around schoolgirls either. He's dangerous.

claire16c

Elaine434 wrote: »

The problem is, I'm starting to question if I am reading to much into it, am I seeing things that are not there because I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

I question everything I say and do now, tbh, I think I probably am a bit paranoid. But with him, every time you find out a little thing, it snowballs until you find out the behaviour you have found or seen is the tip of the iceberg.

Why are you with him if you can't trust him?

meritaten

to say you wouldn't trust him as far as you can throw him - how can you stay with him? marriage is based on trust to my mind. ok, sometimes it gets broken and takes time to mend - but it seems in your case it doesn't get mended - it just gets an application of sellotape to stick things back together again - and then YOU are made to feel in the wrong? the other poster was right, this is GASLIGHTING!

Carl31

Mirno wrote: »

Just playing devil's avocado for a minute - we're only hearing your presentation of the facts.
Are you sure that what you saw couldn't have been misconstrued by you? Could she have just been going for a talk? Did anyone else see it? What is their opinion of it?

Has he ever exhibited any kind of behaviour (in front of you) before? Having a 16 year old girlfriend when he was 25, while odd isn't a crime. You've been together for 5 years

While what you're saying does sound a lot like it's highly objectionable we weren't there. We can't really give an opinion.

People can advise what's likely to happen if you do separate, and they're right - his wanting or not wanting things a certain way doesn't matter a whole lot.

Completely this

Someone, nobody on here knows, comes online to ask whether making accusations that her own husband is a !!!!!phile in front of his family in their own home, then suggests his parents are not doing their job properly as foster parents is normal behaviour?

If this isn't a wind up, then there is far too little to be forming an opinion on, sometimes what people see and hear are not what they actually see and hear, but what they choose to see and hear

I would be pretty upset if my wife started accusing me of !!!!!philic behaviour, that's a serious accusation, no wonder his family are upset

OP, do you really think the man you married would openly do something so illegal and highly immoral in front of people?

bigmomma051204

Please can people stop referring to this 15yr old as a "young woman" etc....

She is 15years old. 15years old and in the "Looked After" System.

She is a child. And a vulnerable child at that. If she is to remain a "LAC" after her 16th birthday then she will still be classed as a CHILD until she reaches 18years. Because she is VULNERABLE. Its not called the Child Protection Register for nothing, you know!

She has been placed with your husbands parents to PROTECT her from abuses of trust by adults. They are allowing her to be in a situation which places her AT RISK of harm. You should be putting aside your feelings (for now) and focusing on the real issue here - The fact that the foster parents are responding negatively to your insinuations is quite probably because they know that their ability to foster children would be placed in SEVERE jeopardy if Social Services were aware of this situation occuring. Your hubby is responding negatively because he knows he is in the wrong.

You need to inform Social Services asap. Safeguarding is EVERYONE'S responsibility and you doing NOTHING is tantamount to your husband doing SOMETHING. :cool:

Then you can deal with the fall-out and feelings you are experiencing.

bigmomma051204

Carl31 wrote: »

Completely this

Someone, nobody on here knows, comes online to ask whether making accusations that her own husband is a !!!!!phile in front of his family in their own home, then suggests his parents are not doing their job properly as foster parents is normal behaviour?

If this isn't a wind up, then there is far too little to be forming an opinion on, sometimes what people see and hear are not what they actually see and hear, but what they choose to see and hear

I would be pretty upset if my wife started accusing me of !!!!!philic behaviour, that's a serious accusation, no wonder his family are upset

OP, do you really think the man you married would openly do something so illegal and highly immoral in front of people?

Well, some people do. And some people do much worse. And in effect, even if he ISN'T being accused of being what you have implied, then he was giving alcoholic beverages to an underage child who is in a foster care placement with his parents. HIGHLY wrong, putting aside the whole sexual advances issue.

BTW - I am taking this post as serious ONLY because if it IS, then it could help to encourage the OP to report the behaviour and ensure the safety of a vulnerable child. If its all lies, then no real harm done, eh? :cool:

geoffky

I would be checking his past via the police.

paulineb_2

Carl31 wrote: »

Completely this

Someone, nobody on here knows, comes online to ask whether making accusations that her own husband is a !!!!!phile in front of his family in their own home, then suggests his parents are not doing their job properly as foster parents is normal behaviour?

If this isn't a wind up, then there is far too little to be forming an opinion on, sometimes what people see and hear are not what they actually see and hear, but what they choose to see and hear

I would be pretty upset if my wife started accusing me of !!!!!philic behaviour, that's a serious accusation, no wonder his family are upset

OP, do you really think the man you married would openly do something so illegal and highly immoral in front of people?

The op didn't say in her opening post that she accused her husband of being a pedophile.

Kissing a fifteen year old and supplying her with drink is wrong. But to do it to someone from a troubled background who had been placed there for her safety and well being? No one can think that's acceptable surely?

I'm sure if social services knew, shed be removed from them.

lucystardust

Agree with all that's been said. We only have the OP's side of the story but there are several issues here, from a potentially abusive relationship between the husband and wife, to social services needing to be involved because of this abuse of a child in care by an adult who I assume would have continued access to her!