Is this or should this be my problem?

paddy's_mum

paulineb wrote: »

really doesnt say very much for him at all.

It says everything about him, especially if you go back and read the history of this 'couple'.

Aileth, if he is this careless and disengaged with the people (one assumes) he loves, what do you think your life will be like if he ever falls out of love with you and perhaps your children?

I have to say that I have met people like him before and found them to be idle to the core. Over time, that idleness (and the utter selfishness that underlies it) eats away and eventually destroys the relationship.

In view of your previous posts, and tears, I'm sad to say that I believe you are building your life 'upon the sand' and I so hope that you are taking steps to protect yourself.

duchy

I think you should butt out.
She's fifty one -an adult of working age with a social life.
He is her son.....he's also an adult. You are neithers keeper.

I'm 53 -My son is 22. If he and I are having communication problems then it'd be up to us to sort it out - not drag a girlfriend into the situation. Frankly your boyfriend just sounds lazy and can't be bothered doing anything he can get you to do. You either accept that is the dynamic in your relationship or change it.

My fiance's parents have recently moved close by. They are in their 80s and adore him he can do no wrong and he will forget to pop in -it has probably got worse since they've moved as before he had to plan to fit them in and now he thinks he can just pop in when passing-and actually is seeing LESS of them. My job is just to remind him if he's not seen them in a week-not to nag or interfere -His parents , his responsibility (even though as both my parents have passed I think he should realize how lucky he is and make the most of his whilst they are still around.)

Mojisola

securityguy wrote: »

To which he would be perfectly entitled to say "!!!! off and mind your own business".

He could say that but then her friends would see him for what he is and will be able to support her accordingly.

This all smacks of women who can't function for ten minutes without gossiping to someone being surprised that men don't behave the same. His mother's whining that he doesn't phone her. Is she paralysed to the point of being unable to operate a phone herself? Does she have anything worth saying?

She does try to contact him.

You read it like that; I read it that a supportive group of friends were upset at seeing their friend in tears and were trying to help her.

If he really doesn't want to contact his Mum, he should come out and say so. If he does, he should make the effort. If he really wants to but is lazy and can't be bothered to make the effort, his Mum is going to have to accept that he's not worth her tears.

itsanne

aileth wrote: »

She's only 51!

:eek: I really thought you were talking about an elderly mother - she's eight years younger than me :eek:!

I think that makes quite a big difference. She should be the one talking to her son, not you, not her friends. Presumably her friends are a similar age. They're acting like the old folks' club with too much time on their hands :cool:.

MIL's being decidedly pathetic if she's crying at his lack of contact but doing nothing about it. It might be different if they did not get on, but from what you say they get on fine when they meet, so it's up to the two of them to sort it out.

Your OH sounds like he needs a boot up the behind, but as it seems to be needed for a lot of things you might need to choose which battles to fight. Is his lack of communication with his mother among the most important?


I think you should start a new thread about all your OH's good points .

paulineb_2

Men dont gossip????

Ha, I think you'll find that some men gossip a hell of a lot.

paulineb_2

itsanne wrote: »

:eek: I really thought you were talking about an elderly mother - she's eight years younger than me :eek:!

I think that makes quite a big difference. She should be the one talking to her son, not you, not her friends. Presumably her friends are a similar age. They're acting like the old folks' club with too much time on their hands :cool:.

MIL's being decidedly pathetic if she's crying at his lack of contact but doing nothing about it. It might be different if they did not get on, but from what you say they get on fine when they meet, so it's up to the two of them to sort it out.

Your OH sounds like he needs a boot up the behind, but as it seems to be needed for a lot of things you might need to choose which battles to fight. Is his lack of communication with his mother among the most important?


I think you should start a new thread about all your OH's good points .

She does try and contact her son directly, she phones him. He sits with his phone in his pocket and doesnt take the phone out when its on vibrate.

aileth

paulineb wrote: »

Men dont gossip????

Ha, I think you'll find that some men gossip a hell of a lot.

Too true. My dad is part of his very own male b*tch club at his place of work! They are probably more catty than the women there!

paulineb_2

I dont think it matters what age she is either, thats like saying its ok to be upset if your son doesnt contact you if you are 60 but if you are 50, crying and telling your friends about it isnt appropriate. If you are upset you are upset, people can get fed up about family issues at any age.

I dont think the son has a problem with his mum, he isnt motivated and from previous threads the OP has posted on her, he relies on his wife to organise much of his life for him.

So him not bothering to call his mum on a regular basis, from whats already been posted about him, really doesnt surprise me at all.

itsanne

paulineb wrote: »

She does try and contact her son directly, she phones him. He sits with his phone in his pocket and doesnt take the phone out when its on vibrate.

I know that. I meant that she needs to do more than phone, be ignored and then contact Aileth. If she's upset enough to be crying about it, and her friends think she's upset enough to raise it with Aileth, she needs to properly address it with her son - either that or accept the status quo. Sorry that wasn't clearer from my post.

itsanne

paulineb wrote: »

I dont think it matters what age she is either, thats like saying its ok to be upset if your son doesnt contact you if you are 60 but if you are 50, crying and telling your friends about it isnt appropriate. If you are upset you are upset, people can get fed up about family issues at any age.

I dont think the son has a problem with his mum, he isnt motivated and from previous threads the OP has posted on her, he relies on his wife to organise much of his life for him.

So him not bothering to call his mum on a regular basis, from whats already been posted about him, really doesnt surprise me at all.

I think the age does matter, because elderly people sometimes tend to find it harder to deal with things. But I certainly wouldn't have classed 60 as elderly :cool:!!

I agree with everything else you say here, including family issues being upsetting at any age.