Is this or should this be my problem?

meritaten

but the thing is Pauline - we DONT know if this is the case. or if there is some other reason. but, I bet my boots (my favourite biker ones), that there is a REASON the OPs OH doesn't initiate contact with his mum.

poet123

I think we are all too swift to accord reasons which come from our own experiences when the reality could be as simple as he is someone who simply can't be bothered making the time for anything that he doesn't feel like doing, or simply puts it off and puts it off.

I think the OP would know if there was some deep reason.

lostinrates

poet123 wrote: »

I think we are all too swift to accord reasons which come from our own experiences .

Yes, I am afraid I do this.

paulineb_2

He's hard work. And sorry to say this op ,in a few weeks or months, you'll probably be going round the bend at something else he's doing or not doing.

I hope not, but tell you something, I wouldn't be able to watch my mum sit in tears because she thought I couldn't be bothered with her without trying to do something.

And that something should come from him, but if it doesn't I think your offer of a meal and wine is a nice gesture.

meritaten

Don't we ALL? that is why people post dilemmas or questions on here - to benefit from other peoples experiences? I DO realise that others have a good point - he may just be a lazy soandso! but, unless OP delves deeper and ASKS him - she isn't going to know and if our experiences with our own families makes her ask questions, then, I think that can only be a good thing. Something made her post - she could just have taken things at face value, had yet another row with OH and smoothed things over again.

Mojisola

aileth wrote: »

OH was in the corner talking to his MIL. Her friends then proceeded to tell me how upset she has been getting as OH never contacts her (She has to text me to arrange anything) and she has been in tears about how little she hears from him, and they were basically begging me to nag OH to talk to her and see her more.

I'd be tempted to arrange another meet-up at her house and have her friends primed to talk directly to your OH while you distract your MIL.

securityguy

Mojisola wrote: »

I'd be tempted to arrange another meet-up at her house and have her friends primed to talk directly to your OH while you distract your MIL.

To which he would be perfectly entitled to say "!!!! off and mind your own business".

This all smacks of women who can't function for ten minutes without gossiping to someone being surprised that men don't behave the same. His mother's whining that he doesn't phone her. Is she paralysed to the point of being unable to operate a phone herself? Does she have anything worth saying?

aileth

securityguy wrote: »

To which he would be perfectly entitled to say "!!!! off and mind your own business".

This all smacks of women who can't function for ten minutes without gossiping to someone being surprised that men don't behave the same. His mother's whining that he doesn't phone her. Is she paralysed to the point of being unable to operate a phone herself? Does she have anything worth saying?

I've already said that she has attempted to call and text him but after no response over two days she contacts me and get an instant response. She could just contact me straight away, but she always tries him first of course as she wants to contact her son.

AcidHouse

Hi OP,

Get one of your friends or relatives to text him, saying that they haven't heard from you today and they texted you this morning. Then get them to text him again. Lather, rinse, repeat every few days. "Oh yeah, she texted me earlier, but I couldn't be bothered to text her back darling". Observe his reaction. Enjoy.

securityguy

aileth wrote: »

I've already said that she has attempted to call and text him but after no response over two days she contacts me and get an instant response..

So stop giving her an instant response.

He doesn't want to talk to her. Why are you trying to alter that?