Is this or should this be my problem?

picklekin

paulineb wrote: »

She does try and contact her son directly, she phones him. He sits with his phone in his pocket and doesnt take the phone out when its on vibrate.

Which only means he's not really in the mood for chatting, not that its specifically his mother he doesn't want to talk to... She needs to put in a bit more effort and call at good times and on a phone he'll answer, only then if he repeatedly refuses to speak to her does she know he's avoiding her and can go crying to her friends and his partner.

paulineb_2

picklekin wrote: »

Which only means he's not really in the mood for chatting, not that its specifically his mother he doesn't want to talk to... She needs to put in a bit more effort and call at good times and on a phone he'll answer, only then if he repeatedly refuses to speak to her does she know he's avoiding her and can go crying to her friends and his partner.

The OP said he doesnt even realise his phone is ringing when its in his pocket. I think he also needs to make some effort, turning his phone on where he can hear it ring, even if it was only for half an hour once a week or something.

She texts him and he wont respond, it would take 2 seconds to send a text. I think hes the one who needs to do more of the making an effort, not her, shes trying, he isnt.

I assume hes also got her number and could text her as well, again, hi how are you? Takes two seconds.

CRANKY40

aileth wrote: »

He has no answer or reason, he just shrugs and says, "Don't know", but then again this is his answer to most things, "Why didn't you go to the Doctor's this morning?" "Don't know" "How come the bath is leaking?" "Don't know" "Where have all the biscuits gone?" "Don't know."



I have to add as well that sometimes she doesn't help the situation, in that she will text saying, "Must see you soon", and I'll respond saying, "Free this week, Thursday and Friday is best", then she'll say, "Get back to you", and a lot of the time I hear nothing. There have also been occasions where we've made plans and she realises she's double-booked with friends, so goes with friends instead, which I must admit has peeved me off a bit. I suppose that's why it's quite surprising how upset she's been getting as sometimes she is ever so unreliable, and I would've thought if she was that desperate to see him, contact would be on the top pedestal.

The first set of answers I would expect from a three year old, they wouldn't be acceptable from my nine year old, nor would he answer as such. If she's unreliable to you, maybe she's let him down a lot in the past. Stuff like promising to be at sports day but finding herself "double booked" yet again and choosing the option she prefers.

itsanne wrote: »

I know that. I meant that she needs to do more than phone, be ignored and then contact Aileth. If she's upset enough to be crying about it, and her friends think she's upset enough to raise it with Aileth, she needs to properly address it with her son - either that or accept the status quo. Sorry that wasn't clearer from my post.

I agree, it's his mother's problem, not Aileth's.

paulineb wrote: »

The OP said he doesnt even realise his phone is ringing when its in his pocket. I think he also needs to make some effort, turning his phone on where he can hear it ring, even if it was only for half an hour once a week or something.

She texts him and he wont respond, it would take 2 seconds to send a text. I think hes the one who needs to do more of the making an effort, not her, shes trying, he isnt.

I assume hes also got her number and could text her as well, again, hi how are you? Takes two seconds.

Does he answer you if you text him Aileth?

aileth

Yep, he always answers me very promptly (when he's not working of course)

securityguy

Mojisola wrote: »

You read it like that; I read it that a supportive group of friends were upset at seeing their friend in tears and were trying to help her.

Someone who at 51 is reduced tears by their son not calling needs rather more help than their son calling.

But anyway, I've a solution for him. Apparently, she just wants one text a week asking how she is. He needs to get this app (android) or this app (iPhone)for his phone and simply set it up to automatically send a text once a week, just as she's asked. Then she, her friends and the OP can shut up about it, as they've got what they asked for.

CRANKY40

Then I'm afraid I'd be leaning towards her letting him down at some point in the past. Do you think there will be a time when you'll get fed up of her double booking and trailing off into the sunset with her mates? He's already reached it I think. Leave him to it and don't nag, but if you want to give it one last shot before you wash your hands of it tell him you won't nag but his mother won;t be around forever. His call.

CRANKY40

p.s. "Don't know" is toddler speak for "I do know but I'm not discussing it with you".

aileth

CRANKY40 wrote: »

Then I'm afraid I'd be leaning towards her letting him down at some point in the past. Do you think there will be a time when you'll get fed up of her double booking and trailing off into the sunset with her mates? He's already reached it I think. Leave him to it and don't nag, but if you want to give it one last shot before you wash your hands of it tell him you won't nag but his mother won;t be around forever. His call.

It's a possibility. I get a slight inkling as well that he imagines her as super busy 24/7 (she isn't) and that he doesn't want to 'bother her', which I suppose stems from the double-booking and the failing to secure plans down from time to time.

paulineb_2

CRANKY40 wrote: »

Then I'm afraid I'd be leaning towards her letting him down at some point in the past. Do you think there will be a time when you'll get fed up of her double booking and trailing off into the sunset with her mates? He's already reached it I think. Leave him to it and don't nag, but if you want to give it one last shot before you wash your hands of it tell him you won't nag but his mother won;t be around forever. His call.

Im not sure that his reasons for not calling has anything to do with her having double booked in the past. More so that he has a pretty laid back attitude to life in general it would seem.

But I agree, one last shot and ask him to make more effort, then wash your hands of it and keep up the contact with her as you said you have a good relationship.

paulineb_2

securityguy wrote: »

Someone who at 51 is reduced tears by their son not calling needs rather more help than their son calling.

But anyway, I've a solution for him. Apparently, she just wants one text a week asking how she is. He needs to get this app (android) or this app (iPhone)for his phone and simply set it up to automatically send a text once a week, just as she's asked. Then she, her friends and the OP can shut up about it, as they've got what they asked for.

Some people are emotional at any age, others arent. It doesnt mean that people need help, you react to things the way your react to them.