I hate going on holiday - OH conflict. HELP

ska_lover

OP I haven't read the whole thread, but I think that if you only refuse to go on certain time constricted holidays, this could have implications of where you both go on our holidays. Whilst there is nothing wrong with missing home and enjoying being at home, theres nothing wrong with wanting a bit of adventure either. I am an adventurer, if I had a couple of grand I would definitely spend it on a holiday seeing some culture rather than something for the house. Life is for living

What I mean to say is, if you stop your OH from doing stuff, just because you are not keen, resentment will creep in. Surely as a married couple you have things in common?

A few years ago One of my friends marriage broke up, starting off with the husband never ever wanting to go on holiday, and there were so many places and things that she wanted to experience with him. The wife wanted adventure, but the husband would not compromise at all. Resentment built up in her as she wanted to travel - and he wouldn't even compromise a weekend away. She is working abroad now


If you cannot agree on things like this, it may backfire in the future as holidays are going to be something that crop up time and time again. If you are a home bird and he likes adventure it could lead to trouble in future if one of you is not going to compromise

jenhug

antw23uk wrote: »

Hi All

Im not sure what I want to get out of this post but I can't seem to think straight so some fresh views would help hopefully

I don't particulary like going on holidays and a week is generally my max before I get home sick. I like them when i go and we have amazing beautiful holidays in private villas, plush hotels etc and this year thinking a cruise ... The thing is the cruise my OH wants to go on is two weeks long ... The thought of it fills me with dread. I just dont particulary want to go on holiday let alone two weeks away!

I know it probably sounds selfish as the large bulk of the holiday is paid for by the OH but I love being at home, I have my horse and my two cats, I like to potter in the garden etc

Am I being unreasonable and acting spoilt by not being grateful? My OH has always loved holidays and going away and to a certain extent I like it but the older I get (35) the less and less I want to go away and leave home and my passion which is my horse (OH doesnt share this passion and didnt have a horse 8 years ago when we met)

Any help, advise or kick up the backside much appreciated. Thanks

I feel your pain on many levels. My ideal break is max 5 days. I get terribly homesick, I always have, even as a little girl. I don't think people realise it is a real physical feeling as well as the emotional upset.

I am an animal person and the last time we went away (5 years ago, spain, 1 week) I was pining for my animals, and I knew my dog was pining for me, so there was the feeling that not only was I away from home, I was away from him, and its awful.

I think maybe its unfair to not go away at all because obviously in a marriage its about give and take, but would your husband compromise at 2 separate weeks away rather than 2 weeks together?

Another option is to get him a travel companion!

geoffky

I would do the whole of the winter if i could..
When my youngest leaves home you will not see me for dust..
The wife can come out for a week if she wishes.

Kynthia

Like all things in relationships, it's all about communication, compromise and making sure each of you is sometimes prioritised. Discuss it, agree a budget but don't be too stringent every year, find a holiday that will interest both of you, at least has elements you'll both enjoy at times or take it in turns to pick something that is more tailored to one of your tastes.


So perhaps a 10ish day cruise with some destinations that appeal to you? Or if the thought of being on a ship more than a week worries you, how about a week cruise starting or ending somewhere you fancy staying for a few extra nights?

I often think two weeks is just a bit too long and a week isn't long enough with the travel. Therefore we often book ourselves rather than book package holidays, and usually do 9/10 days. Luckily hubbie and I are fairly similar in our holiday likes, but there are differences. I like luxury more than him so our budget is probably higher than he likes, but we can afford it and it's less than what some people pay. He likes to be near the sea more than I do and I'd rather go in a pool if I have to swim at all, but i'll try to find a hotel that meets both requirements. I've probably picked destinations he prefers, but I've also vetoed some of his suggestions too. However he's recently developed a fear of flying which has got me very worried as I'm not giving up going abroad but he doesn't seem to want to 'get better'. I compromised by going to France last year, and travelling there by train, and may compromise again with a cruise if we can afford it but I'm hoping the situation will improve.

getmore4less

Kynthia wrote: »

I compromised by going to France last year, and travelling there by train, and may compromise again with a cruise if we can afford it but I'm hoping the situation will improve.

Whats your budget?

Cruises can be cheaper than you might think.

if you are flexible on time you can get below £50pppd includes all food, entertainment, flights. Bar bills and shore based expenses on top.

Some in the med recently have been <£300 for cruise only 9-11 days

£100pppd is a big budget and can cover better options on ship, cabins and itinerary.

No fly there are some great options from the UK doing northern Europe,

the Baltics and the Fjords are both expensive for land holidays so Cruises can be cheaper. We have done round Britain as well.

Going south you really need 2 weeks to get into the Med and tend to have more sea time.

Hermia

ska_lover wrote: »

OP I haven't read the whole thread, but I think that if you only refuse to go on certain time constricted holidays, this could have implications of where you both go on our holidays. Whilst there is nothing wrong with missing home and enjoying being at home, theres nothing wrong with wanting a bit of adventure either. I am an adventurer, if I had a couple of grand I would definitely spend it on a holiday seeing some culture rather than something for the house. Life is for living

What I mean to say is, if you stop your OH from doing stuff, just because you are not keen, resentment will creep in. Surely as a married couple you have things in common?

A few years ago One of my friends marriage broke up, starting off with the husband never ever wanting to go on holiday, and there were so many places and things that she wanted to experience with him. The wife wanted adventure, but the husband would not compromise at all. Resentment built up in her as she wanted to travel - and he wouldn't even compromise a weekend away. She is working abroad now


If you cannot agree on things like this, it may backfire in the future as holidays are going to be something that crop up time and time again. If you are a home bird and he likes adventure it could lead to trouble in future if one of you is not going to compromise

This happened to a friend of mine. She loved travel and wanted to live in France for a while and improve her French. Unfortunately she fell head over heels in love with Mr don't like anything foreign or anything different. She thought love would make everything okay but the resentment at not being able to follow her dreams eventually got to her (he wasn't the type to be happy with her going away without him) and they split.

jenhug's idea of a travel companion is a good one. I'd rather travel with a companion than a partner who is wishing they were elsewhere. There are lots of people online looking for travel buddies.

belfastgirl23

What is it about travel that your OH likes? Is it the seeing new places? Getting away from home? Sun? A chance to relax together away from the strains of normal life?

And what is it about travel that you don't like? Ok you miss home but is it that strangeness scares you? That you don't like foreign food?

I think if you figure out what it is that each of you like and/or don't like then it might be easier to find a compromise. So if what he really likes is the sun and being with you then could you find somewhere that you could return to regularly, you would build a feeling of familiarity and he would get his sense of being away from home. If he likes going to and experiencing different places and you don't then could you at least agree that it's up to him to figure out how to get around/learn a bit of the language etc so that frees you up from feeling you have to take responsibility?

Either way though I think you need to stop thinking of it as 'I don't like going on holiday' and think about it as 'I need to find the kind of holiday I'd like to go on'. Otherwise this will continue to be a source of tension.

I do know how you feel though, DH works from home so every chance he gets he wants to go away, whereas I'm out of the house most of the week and I like to have a few days off and just chill and do a lot of those little jobs that need caught up on. On the other hand though, DH likes to return to the same place and whilst I do enjoy this, I want to see a bit of the world as well. Luckily I can indulge that side through work so I'm happy to make our 'big' holiday one to a familiar place.


It's all about compromise but you need to really understand where each other is coming from so you can find the right compromise for you.


As an aside, I had a friend whose wife loved to travel and he totally refused, said he'd miss his garden etc. Luckily she was able to travel with family so she didn't miss out too much but she was always sad he didn't travel with her. She passed away and he met someone else and now travels a lot with her - I think it was a combination of realising that life is short, and also finally figuring out how to eat in foreign countries in a way to suit him that made him feel more comfortable. I also think it's sad though that she didn't get to do any of this with him. If they had both sat down and realised what the problems were, they might have solved them, but I don't think they ever did, he didn't even realise himself that food was such an issue til much later. So that's why thinking about it is so important!

claire16c

joansgirl wrote: »

I think it must be my upbringing. When I was young (millions of years ago!) Takeaways were unheard of, unless you count Fish & Chips. There was one Chinese restaurant a couple of miles away but they got closed down when a couple of Alsatian carcasses were found hanging in their fridge :eek: So my parents were meat spud veg people and that's what they fed us kids. Now I'm of an age and in the position of having to be extremely careful what I eat as I suffer from excess stomach acid (too many fizzy drinks, I was addicted!). So no spicy food, no fruit at all, no fizzy drinks (:(). Some "foreign" food really does turn my stomach though. I wouldn't be surprised if the Alsatians in the fridge was what put me off in the first place although my sister eats loadsa foreign stuff. I think I just like to be safe. I'm not one for ready meals either, I like to cook from scratch so I know what's in it.

Having just read this back I think I may have food issues as I wouldn't want to go to a restaurant and I don't like eating in other peoples houses either. Hmmm.....

Sorry but it does sound that way. It doesn't really sound normal not to want to eat in restaurants or other peoples houses! What is it about that you don't like? But then how come you'd go in a mc Donald's? As that seems like an odd choice when you could go in a restaurant & get something that you could much more likely tell exactly what was in it!

I can't imagine not going in pubs or restaurants for meals.

You could cook your own non spicy stuff.

When we went to Vietnam the food there was amazing , we did a cooking lesson & were taught how to make real sweet & sour - not the bright orange stuff in a jar that you get here.

I'm not a big fan of extremely spicy stuff and DH is really sensitive to it but you can just adjust it, like Ill make Mexican tortillas or tacos but just use the non spicy mix.

I love going away & travelling.

I had a gap year when I was 19 and went away for 2 months with a friend. In places like the US & Australia the food is pretty much the same anyway. It's really only in a few countries you get to try proper 'foreign' stuff as like I said our diets here are full of stuff from around the world.

Then me & DH went travelling for 8 months a couple of years ago. Best decision we ever made. When you go away for a while you realise how small and almost insignificant the UK becomes and there is SO much out there in the world to see!

We tend to have one big holiday a year for 2 weeks and then do a long weekend or short Europe break. And then maybe a long weekend somewhere like Devon visiting friends.

I'm much happier to lounge around on a beach than DH but there are solutions. For example in Hawaii we learned how to surf, rented boogie boards and had a paddle board lesson, then relaxed! So just because you go to a beach doesn't mean you just have to sit there doing nothing. Or in Tenerife DH brought his fishing rod and did that whilst I read by the pool for a couple of hours then we met up for lunch.

kwmlondon

Hi, just thought I'd chip in with my contribution, for what it's worth.

Firstly, is it a gay cruise? Because some friends of our were banging on about how much fun they had on one, dressing up, drag shows, clubbing, food, visiting beaches and cities etc. and were trying to persuade me and my partner that we should do the same thing. They had a great time but you should have seen the look on me and my partners faces, it was like someone had suggested we scrub our bodies with cheese graters for a laugh. Really not our thing. We're gay and all but the idea of being trapped on a boat with a load of men for two weeks, I'd rather go on a human trafficking experience but then that's me.

Unfortunately, as my partner is Brazilian, the only big holidays we do is to fly across the world to visit family on the other side of the world with not much chance to explore. But we'd love to visit Mexico, do a motorbike ride through South America - we both like to travel and explore than hang out by a pool or on the beach. The only holidays I've really, really enjoyed were driving across New England for 10 days in a Ford Mustang.

My parents have a good system pn holiday as they both like different things. One day they'll do mum's thing e.g. visit historical ruins, the next day my dad gets to ride a train to another city, the next day my mum will get to sample many different types of wine and my dad will stay sober enough to find the hotel, then the next day they can both go plane spotting to please dad. When they come and visit me in London my father will happily spend a day riding the DLR pretending to be the driver sitting at the front while my mum will go to the opera - but they've worked out a way of doing enough of what they want to put up with doing some of what the other one loves doing. They've been married nearly 40 years so it's a good example!

antw23uk

Thank you all the responses are very overwelming, thank you all for your time
We both work full time and enjoy the nice things in life. I know im very fortunate and bless that I can have my beautiful home, horse and holidays. Going away just doesnt really do it for me but actually reading up on the cruise (not gay .. that would be absolute torture!!) I'm actually, dare I say it, looking forward to it ... no i think thats too strong but lets just say Im getting used to the idea of it and I like the idea of waking up and being able to see a different country and culture nearly every day. I guess we wont be bored thats for sure