I hate going on holiday - OH conflict. HELP

claire16c

joansgirl wrote: »

I hate going on holiday with a vengeance. It's not an issue now but when my husband was alive we used to go for 1 week a year and I hated every minute of it. I tried really hard to be positive about it all as it was what he wanted but I think he knew how much I disliked it. I can't help it, I just don't like being away from home. I have been abroad and found it really difficult. I don't like foreign food and lived on McDonalds for a week.


One of the many, many benefits of living alone is that I don't have to go anymore, although I would if it meant I could have him back.

What exactly is foreign food really anyway? I would have thought most people eat food that originates from all over the world nowadays unless they're an extremely fussy eater.

Takeaway_Addict

antw23uk wrote: »

Hi All

Im not sure what I want to get out of this post but I can't seem to think straight so some fresh views would help hopefully

I don't particulary like going on holidays and a week is generally my max before I get home sick. I like them when i go and we have amazing beautiful holidays in private villas, plush hotels etc and this year thinking a cruise ... The thing is the cruise my OH wants to go on is two weeks long ... The thought of it fills me with dread. I just dont particulary want to go on holiday let alone two weeks away!

I know it probably sounds selfish as the large bulk of the holiday is paid for by the OH but I love being at home, I have my horse and my two cats, I like to potter in the garden etc

Am I being unreasonable and acting spoilt by not being grateful? My OH has always loved holidays and going away and to a certain extent I like it but the older I get (35) the less and less I want to go away and leave home and my passion which is my horse (OH doesnt share this passion and didnt have a horse 8 years ago when we met)

Any help, advise or kick up the backside much appreciated. Thanks

Suck it up, its 1 x 2 week holiday in 8+ years of being with your OH, he's abided by your requirements for so long so you do the vice versa.

Soleil_lune

I agree with Pauline, that a week is enough, and even though a fortnight doesn't cost much more sometimes, you have to take into consideration the extra cost of food and sundries. A week would be more than enough. We have been aboard many times, and I am ready for home after a week. Similarly, we have been on about six 3-4 day trips in the past few years, over Europe and America and Canada, and they have ALL been amazing. We crammed such a lot into them. Yes, travel can be costly, and so can getting your pets cared for whilst you're away, but we factor in the pet fees into the cost of the holiday.

I do hope you come to a compromise, but please don't start leading separate lives, and do try and give this holiday a go. I have to say that I thought that post was harsh that said 'you're really selfish and your husband may find some nice single lady who thinks more of him than his wife who puts the horse first!' So basically, if you don't abide by your man's wishes, don't complain if he buggars off with another woman! !!!!!!?! I also don't know any married man who enjoys going away alone.

Similar to the OP, MY husband wouldn't travel abroad either - EVER, and we only ever went to Blackpool or Rhyl, then about 11/12 years ago, I said I was booking a holiday to Amsterdam, and he could stay home, and I didn't send for a passport for him. He was proper miffed and subsequently sent for a passport, and came along! He enjoyed it so much that he caught the travel bug, and we have been to a dozen countries since!!!

Felt very sad also, when I read the post where the lady never went abroad because the husband didn't want to. And then he travelled when she died! THIS is the reason why I would never not do something just because my husband didn't want to! If I want to do something, I will bloody well do it.

A similar sad case that this post reminded me of: I have recently met a lady of 47, whose husband (who she married at 21,) never wanted children, and he point blank refused to even discuss it.

When they married at 21, she was indifferent, then as the years went on, she got broody, but he wouldn't budge, so she 'respected his decision,' and didn't have a child. When she was 44 (3 years ago,) he left her for a younger woman (33) and you guessed it - within a year, she was pregnant. This woman says she has not gotten over it, and has suffered crippling depression since.

Torry_Quine

I think relationships are very much about compromise so I'm glad you're feeling more positive about going away on holiday.

To those who are saying that you don't like holidays remember you don't have to go abroad, there are many lovely places here to visit so no air travel needed.

Personally I would go somewhere I didn't want rather than be without my husband.

Amanda65

Well I'm firmly in the 'I love holidays' camp :beer:

I love my home too but have never regretted a single penny we have spent on going away, experiencing new countries and trying new foods etc. What we have spent the money on isn't wasted, we've made memories

And tbf to your OH, horses are very expensive indulgences (DD1 is horse mad) and the £1500 holiday budget once a year is probably rather small compared to the money paid out for stabling, lessons, vets bills etc. He might well tot up what he could do with all the money spent on that!


As others have said - a good partnership is all about compromise:D

nimbo

I'm glad you're feeling better about is now.

I too can feel the stress of travel (and of going out into crowded places, especially if they involve others drinking).

The time before last when I went away I took a very small dose of beta blockas (legally and correctly prescribed by my GP), and these helped immensely. The last time I went away I only had to take them for the journey there, and one other day, when I was feeling antsy. It may be worth asking your GP if they can recommend some kind of relaxation technique, or exercise that may help, or even some kind of hippy dippy herbal remedy to take the edge off...

1k is a lot of money, BUT I imagine you both work hard, and should get to enjoy some of it doing nothing (or discovering all sorts of exciting places on the cruise) in comfort...

I hope you both have a great time.

Arlandria606

I can sympathise with regard to wanting different things from your holiday to your husband/partner/etc. While I could happily sit on a beach with my Kindle for a fortnight or longer, he'd be bored after a couple of days and want to go do something.

We compromise - our holidays tend to be 7-10 days long (or a weekend away somewhere) and we make sure we go somewhere that caters both for going out and doing things, and sitting around. We take it fairly easy - no hectic days, no early starts, no crammed schedules, and always one day of doing absolutely nothing. That way he's still doing things and I'm still relaxing. Over the years we've found our common likes and focus on those when on holiday, and I tend to take a few extra days off work before and after to do the preparations and make sure I don't feel rushed. We're also aware of which bits wind each other up - I hate airport security (in my experience, they are so rude and inefficient, it drives me mad - and I know it's coming, so I get annoyed about it before it happens, and then it annoys me more) but love being on the plane; he's fine with the security but doesn't like being cooped up on the plane. So we try to help each other to relax in the stressful bits.

We both miss our cat a ridiculous amount and worry pointlessly about her (and then race to hug her when we get back).

So, after all that, what I'm basically suggesting is communication and compromise. Holidays should be fun for everyone (unless you're going as someone's staff!). If one partner gets "their" kind of holiday then the next holiday should be more to the other partner's taste, but neither should be forcing the other to be miserable. Be honest and clear about what it is specifically that you're not looking forward to, and be ready to suggest an alternative, or something you'd like to do while you're there "in return". Yes, relationships are about doing things you don't like or want to for your partner, but a solid 2 weeks of that will drive both of you nuts!

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

Technically, McDonald's is foreign food.

Don't you mean "technically, McDonalds is food"?

sharnad

Can you not go one week cruise one week holiday in country .. Two weeks is long time to be stuck on a boat if you don't like it

duchy

In your shoes I think I'd book a caribbean cruise for one week from the US and after the cruise head for a ranch holiday for a week before flying home. Best of both worlds