I hate going on holiday - OH conflict. HELP

antw23uk

Hi All

Im not sure what I want to get out of this post but I can't seem to think straight so some fresh views would help hopefully

I don't particulary like going on holidays and a week is generally my max before I get home sick. I like them when i go and we have amazing beautiful holidays in private villas, plush hotels etc and this year thinking a cruise ... The thing is the cruise my OH wants to go on is two weeks long ... The thought of it fills me with dread. I just dont particulary want to go on holiday let alone two weeks away!

I know it probably sounds selfish as the large bulk of the holiday is paid for by the OH but I love being at home, I have my horse and my two cats, I like to potter in the garden etc

Am I being unreasonable and acting spoilt by not being grateful? My OH has always loved holidays and going away and to a certain extent I like it but the older I get (35) the less and less I want to go away and leave home and my passion which is my horse (OH doesnt share this passion and didnt have a horse 8 years ago when we met)

Any help, advise or kick up the backside much appreciated. Thanks

Rottensocks

Hmm, can see both sides of this: ON the one hand you make it pretty clear its your OH who wants this cruise - did you have any say at all?

On the other hand, I look at people like my grandparents, who never did go abroad, and now are too old/unwell to do so. While travel isn't everything, to some extent, I feel that's a wasted life. Surely the horse will forgive two weeks away?

Kayalana99

Rottensocks wrote: »

, I feel that's a wasted life. Surely the horse will forgive two weeks away?

Its hardly a wasted life if they didn't want to do these things, everyone wants different things.

Some think a 'wasted life' is to be tied down married with kids, others think a wasted life is to be single... drinking down the pub and having no one to go home to.

Personally I'd compromise on a week, or perhaps two separate week cruises.

You should be able to have a say in this OP not just go along with what he wants, but you have to be fair also.

antw23uk

I do think its a waste of money .... and that might sounds strange but I think of all the things at home that grand and a half could be spent on .... I mean 14 days and over a thousand pound gone ... just gone! Don't you think its a waste?

I think I'm being selfish and then that annoys me because you know, actually, I do have a say in this as well ..... :mad:

I think I will need to compromise and just fake enthusiasm

pukkamum

I have a similar issue with my dh albeit for different reasons.
having only had camping holidays with the 2 eldest bar our honeymoon, and not having been away at all since number 3, dh was desperate to go abroad.

I reluctantly agreed to going to spain in 2012.

It cost a heap of money, the youngest was a complete nightmare and by day 3 I just wanted to come home, we were there for 2 weeks.

So since then I have put my foot down, dh wanted to camp last year, stating it was just a case of throwing some clothes in a bag.

Yeah right, with 5 of us it would have involved a hell of a lot more work than that.

I was honest, I told him I hadn't enjoyed spain and that going on holiday for me was a case of doing my job but it being made a hundred times harder, it's stressful, expensive and not in the slightest bit relaxing.

Dh isn't happy about it but I refuse to give in until the youngest is at least 5.

Last summer we had a wonderful staycation, lots of days out, sitting in the garden etc it was bliss!

aileth

You're not being spoilt or ungrateful. You like what you like, so does he. He should respect that you only like going a week max, and if he's desperate for more than a week a year maybe have smaller holidays more frequently to split it up.

pukkamum

antw23uk wrote: »

I do think its a waste of money .... and that might sounds strange but I think of all the things at home that grand and a half could be spent on .... I mean 14 days and over a thousand pound gone ... just gone! Don't you think its a waste?

I think I'm being selfish and then that annoys me because you know, actually, I do have a say in this as well ..... :mad:

I think I will need to compromise and just fake enthusiasm

The money is a major issue for me too, spain cost us 3k and all I could think was what else that could have paid for.

duchy

So your OH has a passion for holidays and you have a passion for horses . You get to indulge your passion every day of the year and your OH wants to indulge his for 15 days out of the 365 and you begrudge this.

For me a successful marriage is a partnership and is about give and take. You talk about your horse missing you for two weeks - you don't mention your husband missing you if you don't go ....is that because it isn't important or because you assume he wouldn't go if you didn't go? Unaccompanied men have a wonderful time on cruises -he should go without you if you can't bear to leave your horse......but there's always the risk he'll meet a nice single lady <edit gentleman OP is male> who considers spending time with their partner comes above spending time with a horse .

Do I think you sound spoilt and selfish - Yes
Do I think you need to compromise (not fake it but do it because you want him to be happy too). As for the money - keeping horses isn't cheap - but to you it's about more than just the money for your horse - so why should it not be about more than money for the holiday too.
Sorry but I do wonder why on earth you are married to him . You don't seem to have anything in common at all and your horse sounds more important to you than your husband.

lostinrates

Firstly, we are horse people. So I get it.

But, horse will maintain fitness for two weeks, could even use the two weeks for something like a holiday for your horse....let him down and out to grass, or to your benefit, for two weeks schooling.

I really do think relationships are about compromise and it sounds like you are a little intransigent over this issue. ( personally I'd find two
Weeks cruise or stationary holiday too long anyway, I too would be missing what was at home. .....perhaps a different sort of holiday might be the answer in the compromise one that's more stimulating not just relaxing?

DKLS

antw23uk wrote: »

I do think its a waste of money .... and that might sounds strange but I think of all the things at home that grand and a half could be spent on .... I mean 14 days and over a thousand pound gone ... just gone! Don't you think its a waste?

Depends, the majority of my disposable income goes on holidays and I dont consider it wasted money, perhaps a compromise could work, maybe 10 days? or choose a holiday that also has elements interesting to you. My wife has been horse riding on a number of our holidays.


I couldn't do 2 weeks on a beach or go on a cruise and my wife wont do chavvy ai resorts hence we don't book that type of holiday.

Lokolo

duchy wrote: »

So your OH has a passion for holidays and you have a passion for horses . You get to indulge your passion every day of the year and your OH wants to indulge his for 15 days out of the 365 and you begrudge this.

For me a successful marriage is a partnership and is about give and take. You talk about your horse missing you for two weeks - you don't mention your husband missing you if you don't go ....is that because it isn't important or because you assume he wouldn't go if you didn't go? Unaccompanied men have a wonderful time on cruises -he should go without you if you can't bear to leave your horse......but there's always the risk he'll meet a nice single lady who considers spending time with her partner comes above spending time with a horse .

^^ this.

Other option, I realise its a cruise so might not be, but can you go for part of it and your husband for the whole 2 weeks?

Your husband will have the choice of not giving in, you going for one week and enjoying yourself and then being a miserable bat for the second (which I doubt he would enjoy), or you go for a week, both enjoy your time, you then go home and he enjoys another week.

antw23uk wrote: »

I do think its a waste of money ....

I suspect he thinks the same for your interest in horses.