Family fallout over savings

Parsimonia

lostinrates wrote: »

What a great shame.

This really does contradict the 'no rush' posts and will certainly impact on stated aims for future, achievable yes, but harder, longer, more effort. I'm afraid a lot of sympathy I felt has dissipated. I think, regrettably, his mother is right.

Yes, I'm afraid this echoes my own thought too. I feel a bit led up the garden path, and now I have even more sympathy for the mother than I did before.

Both the OP and the b/f are immature, irresponsible and not yet ready by any means to bring a child into the world. I really hope they reconsider trying to conceive, and just slow down....... in the meantime, I think the mother is right in holding onto the money, as otherwise there'd be none left in 6 months....

Wilma33

Please stop trying to conceive! You are both so young, neither of you have jobs, you don't have a home together and your relationship is quite new. Please wait a couple of years until you both have jobs and a home, have enjoyed being a couple, enjoyed your teens/early twenties and have done your OU course. What is the rush? How do you plan to support your baby? With the money his poor mum has saved up for her son?

HPoirot

He might not be such a catch after all if he was not to come into £10k to kit her and a baby out in a new flat.

System

When my husband was born his GodFather gave him a certain amount of money that was invested in some investment account over in Canada.

My husband is now 50 years of age and there has been times when we really could have done with cashing in on that money but I haven't mentioned it. If he cashes it, it will be his idea and not mine.

On the same foot. Hubby doesn't like our house. Well its my house really. If he wants to move, he's quite welcome to.

left somewhere between £3,000 and £5,000 in savings to him.

Well since his Mother has given him £2000 already, there wouldn't be that much left of his Grandmothers inheritance.

Since the rest of the money is the money his Mother has invested for him. Let her decide when he can have it.

PuzzledDave

Another perspective on why it may be an issue for her:

She has released a large chunk of money apparently just for Christmas... may I ask what she received ? If it was a Mars bar and a can of coke - then she may be a tad upset at this.

The other money that has been sent - where did it go ? Was it used to demonstrably improve your living conditions (furniture, repairs, job training, pay off debt) ?

What is the other money to be used for ? Is it:

Baby Response:
Because I want it.

Teenager Response:
Because I deserve it.

Adult Response:
Because with this money I can then improve my life in a specific and measurable way..

You mention she is asking to see 'further improvement' -- if the money is *really* needed, then draw up a plan as to what it will be used for. Make sure you have a really clear description and where you will purchase the goods and services from. Then take another look at the list - will these items make a clear developmental improvement into your boyfriends life or does the list just contain items that will be useless or gone in under 5 years ?

Once you have a clear plan... then perhaps you could present this to her AND allow her to buy all these items (so she doesn't have to worry you will spend it all on hats).

LannieDuck

One other thought - his Mum has saved £7-9k for him over 6 years. That's over £1k a year that she's 'set aside' for him when she had no obligation whatsoever to do so. Those aren't the actions of a Mum who doesn't care deeply for her son.

And now the son wants her to give control of this chunk of cash to his Dad. Out of interest, how much has Dad saved to give to his son?

If it were me, there's not a snowball's chance in hell I'd hand over that much of my hard-saved cash to an ex. And it is still her cash, whatever your OH might hope.

OP, you and he are much better of trying to get your lives sorted out on your own incomes - balance your books, get your outgoings below your incomings and live within your means. This lump-sum will probably be forthcoming from his mother when she's sees that it's not just going to be frittered away.

(And I agree with the others - £2k on Christmas presents is not the way to do it!!)

System

I've sent her a message tonight telling her not to cut her nose off to spite her face and again asking if this can resolved, ending it simply with 'if not, what a waste.'

You know if my sons girlfriend said that to me over an account with money in that I had put aside for my son I'd dig my heels in even more.

The message should have come from her son and not you.

aileth

Few things...

How did the mum transfer money apparently in your partner's name and account to an account solely in her name?

Do you know there is £12k? She must've invested it well to get such a high return if he started with £5k odd, doubling the money in six years seems a lot.

How do you know that she hasn't spent some herself and gave him what was left before xmas, namely the £2k odd, and is reluctant to give you any more because she simply does not have it?

Chances are she is very hesitant about giving him anything considering past behaviour and is incredibly worried he will sod it away.

Please stop contacting her. I would imagine this is p*ssing her off big time (as it would do me). It is between your partner and her, not between you and her, or you, your partner and her. I wouldn't even imagine now after six years or so of being with my husband contacting his family about any such matters. The worst I'd do is nag him to talk to her.

If my son's GF was private messaging me on Facebook trying to get me to give my son's money away, I'd be very suspicious, especially if I'd never met her and especially as they've only been together a year.

Wickedkitten

Judi wrote: »

You know if my sons girlfriend said that to me over an account with money in that I had put aside for my son I'd dig my heels in even more.

The message should have come from her son and not you.

I would actually be surprised if the mother ever wanted to meet her after receiving a message like that from someone that she has never even met.

SavingPennies_2

SavingPennies wrote: »

I don't recall the OP saying this anywhere.

Okay Ive now seen the other threads. No wonder the his mother is acting the way she is. He is 19 for goodness sake, with a troubled past not far behind him. What's the rush OP? Is that why you are so keen for the money to start your new family? For all your sakes do it the proper (hard) way, ie. get a job and home together first. This whole relationship is moving way too fast.