Family fallout over savings

ska_lover

OP, I think the more he asks his mother for this money, the less likely she is to be giving it. I can understand his mothers perspective in some ways - although to you both this seems unfair.

If his mother has been saving for him since the grandparents death, and managed to scrape together £12,000 including the inheritance, then that is a very generous thing to do. Not many parents are able to do this - and she probably wants to make sure this is going to a good cause, given his past history. If I were her, I would be very concerned about him - and probably - If I am being completely honest, a little distrustful of you.

If my 19 year old son moved half way across the country with a slightly older woman who then went on to pretty much immediately get pregnant, I would be furious! Not neccesarily at you, just at the situation in general, but please understand I am just giving you perspective from the other side of the coin, I am not meaning to cause upset. The fact remains he is a teenager, barely an adult. He only left school 3 years ago fgs

If I were her, I would give the pregnancy a sure sign that he is still very immature (and yourself too) and a long way from being a mature adult (yes accidents DO happen, but the pill is like 99.9% so very rare genuine accidents do happen if people are using correctly). Getting yourself up the duff whilst on benefits is not a sign of being a mature adult.

If he is ever likely to see this money, I think he needs to stop this 'sense of entitlement' - not keep waiting and pestering for her to hand over her hard saved cash so you can 'start your lives'...make a start off your own backs, and start acting like adults. Tell him to get a job, and prove to her that he does not NEED it.

You yourself, definitely need to back off of the situation, as is nothing to do with you whatsoever. This situation had started developing years ago, and now you are on the scene, you are both suddenly putting pressure on the mother to hand over cash. Do you see where I am coming from - you are not painting yourself in a very good light here with the mother at all. The mother hasn't saved all these years to contribute towards your life, she has been doing it for her sons future. I think the mother is doing well to not respond to your emotionally blackmailing texts.

Apologies if this sounds harsh - but you did ask for opinions

I think you both have a lot of growing up to do

tesuhoha

I think you should try make it as a couple without this money as you will have a better chance of success without it. It would be best to forget about it completely because it has already damaged, maybe permanently, your relationship with your future mother-in-law. The message you sent her about it being a waste sounds like emotional blackmail to me. If I was her then that would have completely turned me against you and it is small wonder that she does not want to speak to her son. As she is asking him to come home it sounds as if she wants him away from you.

The persistent requests for the money sound as if it is an obsession. You should try to enjoy your relationship and stop harassing the mother because otherwise it will turn into rows between the two of you, especially if you have some tough times ahead. I know a couple who were waiting on an inheritance for years and in the end it completely destroyed them.

sulkisu

Wilma33 wrote: »

Are you sure you want to move into a flat with someone who trashed his last home?


His mother knows her son a lot better than you do.

And actively trying for a baby with.

Bennifred

sulkisu wrote: »

And actively trying for a baby with.

:( Huge mistake to do this now, imo.

lostinrates

burnoutbabe wrote: »

£2k on xmas presents at 19? (even if its say £500 as "large chunk of the £2k) thats still a heck of a lot to spend on xmas when on benefits or even if you both are high earners.

My husband is what I consider a rather decent earner. Combined we spent under 500 on gifts for each other / family.


Our biggest Christmas expenditures was the office Christmas expenses ( secretary gets an amount 'advised' by senior staff , as do other support).

lostinrates

tesuhoha wrote: »

I think you should try make it as a couple without this money as you will have a better chance of success without it..

Agreed. And with gratitude for what has been given by all parents, including his mother. I think for someone who is as you describe your partner, being self provident might be a very important step in life for him. To get the gift before you have a home and established life MIT in fact be a tremendous shame. It might be better considered a bonus for a retirement savings pot if it is considered at all, and otherwise discounted, just as financial advisors think of unrealised inheritances.

I think some time with less drama would also be helpful. I'll Health itself is draining. Add moving, a pregnancy and its loss, a new relationship, family fall out, job hunting all in the same year....that's a lot of stuff going on.

The normal 'monotony' of life might raise different perspectives, challenges and indeed triumphs.

lostinrates

Incidentally, was in drugs for your infection that were a problem with your contraception or something like that?

I have every sympathy for longterm Ill health, a have suffered or years myself. As you are now feeling better and enjoying it and are young I'd definitely insider getting a contraception review with family planning clinic so you can relax about that for the time being, Accidents DO happen, but nice to know you are on best thing for you.

SavingPennies_2

sulkisu wrote: »

And actively trying for a baby with.

I don't recall the OP saying this anywhere.

HPoirot

SavingPennies wrote: »

I don't recall the OP saying this anywhere.

It is there in her previous posts. ETA on another thread.

sulkisu

SavingPennies wrote: »

I don't recall the OP saying this anywhere.

Posted on the rying to conceive thread a few weeks ago.