Family fallout over savings

FatVonD

thorsoak wrote: »

So, let's get this right: you met in January last year, he was 18 at the time, now 19, you were 22, now 23 - correct?

He has had anger management problems in the past - correct?

He moved from his family in the south to live with your family in the north after 8 months - correct?

Neither of you has a job, both claiming JSA, although you have an interview for a job- correct?

But you are trying for a baby at the current time - correct?

And you want his mother to "hand over" money that she has saved for him - correct?

Thoroughly depressing, isn't it?

I too am 100% in agreement with the boy's mum

OP, you need to stop playing at being grown ups and do some actual growing up.

orangeslimes

I'd side with the mum on this one too.

When I was younger me and my siblings all had bank accounts with money given to us by a (still alive) grandparent. The money was in children's accounts and you needed parental consent to get the money out (and they were still a bit funny about that even when I was 18 because it was a children's account apparently).

My brother when he was younger (and actually still to this day) was very good at spending money and would have just wasted it, so my mum decided not to tell him about its existence until he was about 21 and had grown up a bit - I think he actually appreciated this, and was able to use the money after he graduated from uni and spend it slightly more wisely than he would have done a few years before (he will have still spent it quite fast being him- but I think when he was 18 he would have just wasted it all on something pointless and flashy, whereas he used it towards his car later on which at least is useful)

It's possible that your bf should have access to the remaining money left to him by the grandmother - but we don't have details of what the will said to know.

As the other money is money his mum has saved for him I think she is within her rights to decide when to give it to her son, and I can understand why she might want to wait.

I also think it is your bf's battle and you should leave him to it. You should try and be self sufficient and when you are both in work start saving money. If you decide to try for a baby then you should be able to support it (accidents happen, but I can't understand why anyone would deliberately get pregnant without some level of financial security). If and when your bf gets his money it is a nice bonus not an entitlement.

Sorry I know I have repeated a lot of what has already been said, but I do agree with it.

sassyblue

peachyprice wrote: »

One small detail. If the original £3-5k was truly left to him in his grandmother's will, legally it would have had to go into account solely in his name to be released to him when he reached 18. You cannot put money willed to a child onto an account that a parent has access to.

Firstly he needs to go back to the begining and ask the probate office for a copy of the will to see if this money was actually willed to him in the first place.

Secondly, if it was, he will then need to ask the executor why the money was illegally given to his mother to put into an account she has access to. If the executor has balled up, they are liable for his loss.

Thirdly, if the £3-5k was willed to him, that is all he is entitled to, if his mother has decided that she doesn't now want to give him the remaining £7-9k that she has saved, that's her prerogative and there's nothing he can do about it.

Depends on whether the will was dealt with by solicitors or whether there wasn't much left to go through a solicitors. My aunt left a little money but it was dealt with by her two remaining nephews amicably there wasn't a lot of money or possessions, her 'will' was written on a piece of notepaper and witnessed by her friend.

If it did go through solicitors would they have sorted out an account specifically like you said, ONLY for the child until he reaches 18? Most accounts for children have an adult name on them, acting on behalf of the child.

pollypenny

OP, the usual order of things is job first, get established and secure, then start a family.

The mother is perfectly correct here. It's very early days in your relationship. Give it time. Prove yourselves to his mother.

barbarawright

I doubt the OP will return with this username

paulineb_2

I agree, dont think she'll be back.

*Robin*

paulineb wrote: »

I agree, dont think she'll be back.

Well at least OP now has a better understanding of BF's mother's probable point of view.

OP, if you're still reading; please forget your desire for a tax-payer-funded baby - concentrate on living your own life until both your finances and relationship are secure. Save some of your wages, experience the world with your partner - enjoy this time of early adulthood while you're unencumbered by responsibilities.

In four or five years time; once you've got your own home with your long-term partner, savings, and have taken advice about the health problem you alluded to, then think about relaxing contraception.