Family fallout over savings

paulineb_2

NotAnotherSock wrote: »

If she's thinking that then... :eek:
Just to reiterate...no rush for a flat, she knows this, no rush for anything. Enjoying life as is right now - looking forward to starting my job, I'm also doing an OU course.

edit: to the poster above, before moving in with me, he saw a therapist for a while, which helped him/helped with his anger.

But there does seem to be a rush to conceive again.

HPoirot

Oh I don't know. I have a feeling if the mother holds on to her money long enough then there might not be such a scramble by the OP to turn a troubled teenager into a troubled teenage father.

Herongull

Yes OP is desperately trying to conceive now.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/64151590#Comment_64151590

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/64143492#Comment_64143492

Why not wait for a few years until you've both got jobs, your own place and you've finished your OU degree and are established in your new career?

You are only 23 so there is plenty of time, and 19 is very very young for a troubled teen to rush into fatherhood.

You also said in your original post that you have a hereditary condition - have you had any genetic testing or advice on this?

Morglin

Last year, an uncle left me some money in his will.

He asked me, before he died,to give some to my adult kids to set them up for the future.

This I did, because they are in their 30's, working, responsible and have families of their own

However, there is no way I would have given any to my son, had he been 19, previous history of substance/alcohol abuse, home trashing, suddenly setting up home with someone I don't know, and getting her pregnant, to boot - all while neither has a job or home of their own.:eek:

Nor would I have taken any advice from my ex, his father.

Or taken kindly to my son's latest girlfriend mailing me with advice - no one knows a son like his mother!

I would have just put it away for a few years to see what happened.

Stand on your own two feet, and forget babies for a while - he's barely an adult and hadn't shown much maturity thus far - flouncing about with his mother proves that! :doh:

Get jobs, get a home, get financial security and then think about babies.

However, if Granny actually left he money to him, in her will, then it is legally his, whatever anyone thinks or wants, but only sight of the will will establish that.

Lin

lostinrates

Herongull wrote: »

Yes OP is desperately trying to conceive now.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/64151590#Comment_64151590

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/64143492#Comment_64143492

Why not wait for a few years until you've both got jobs, your own place and you've finished your OU degree and are established in your new career?

You are only 23 so there is plenty of time, and 19 is very very young for a troubled teen to rush into fatherhood.

You also said in your original post that you have a hereditary condition - have you had any genetic testing or advice on this?

What a great shame.



This really does contradict the 'no rush' posts and will certainly impact on stated aims for future, achievable yes, but harder, longer, more effort. I'm afraid a lot of sympathy I felt has dissipated. I think, regrettably, his mother is right.

Tygermoth

Just another view in this...

My mother made all the same noises when my partner and I got together.

She refused to hand over bequeathed money for a house because we had not been together long enough (in her eyes)

The truth came out some time later that she had spent it all.

FBaby

So will you say that your next pregnancy was a accident too? Can't you see that you are not at all in a position to have a child now that you can't afford it, not in a stable relationship yet, and not mature enough. His mum is probably not stupid as for your intentions and it is not surprising that she would think you are not responsible enough to manage that money.

Herongull

Why am I starting to think there are a few things that don't add up??

1/ Money was definitely in son's bank account, but mother was able to transfer it to her own without his authorisation. Banks don't allow this. If mother did it fraudulently, she could go to prison.

2/ Being in no rush for anything but desperately trying to conceive a child before they have jobs, home, stable relationship or the boy has a chance to grow up.

3/ Being "super frugal" and good at managing money, yet has spent the best part of £2K on Xmas presents (while on benefits, saving for home, trying to conceive etc etc). Wanting further £1K to see them through the next few weeks before she starts her job.

HPoirot

Herongull wrote: »

Why am I starting to think there are a few things that don't add up??

1/ Money was definitely in son's bank account, but mother was able to transfer it to her own without his authorisation. Banks don't allow this. If mother did it fraudulently, she could go to prison.

2/ Being in no rush for anything but desperately trying to conceive a child before they have jobs, home, stable relationship or the boy has a chance to grow up.

3/ Being "super frugal" and good at managing money, yet has spent the best part of £2K on Xmas presents (while on benefits, saving for home, trying to conceive etc etc). Wanting further £1K to see them through the next few weeks before she starts her job.

Yep, all that, plus:

4/ Staying out of it all and not bothered about the money, yet contacting the mother whom she has never met just to threaten either you hand it over or you won't see your son (in not quite the same words, granted).

cavework

Just from a Mums perspective here...
You imply his Mum is controlling , yet to me it seems he is now happy to pass that control onto his new girlfriend.
Until this lad can prove that he is indeed an adult and act like an adult by supporting his new lifestyle without the help of Mummy I really do not see what the problem is?