Family fallout over savings

paulineb_2

aileth wrote: »

Few things...

How did the mum transfer money apparently in your partner's name and account to an account solely in her name?

Do you know there is £12k? She must've invested it well to get such a high return if he started with £5k odd, doubling the money in six years seems a lot.

How do you know that she hasn't spent some herself and gave him what was left before xmas, namely the £2k odd, and is reluctant to give you any more because she simply does not have it?

Chances are she is very hesitant about giving him anything considering past behaviour and is incredibly worried he will sod it away.

Please stop contacting her. I would imagine this is p*ssing her off big time (as it would do me). It is between your partner and her, not between you and her, or you, your partner and her. I wouldn't even imagine now after six years or so of being with my husband contacting his family about any such matters. The worst I'd do is nag him to talk to her.

If my son's GF was private messaging me on Facebook trying to get me to give my son's money away, I'd be very suspicious, especially if I'd never met her and especially as they've only been together a year.

She didnt invest the 5k I believe, she added to it with her own money to make the 12k total.

aileth

paulineb wrote: »

She didnt invest the 5k I believe, she added to it with her own money to make the 12k total.

Then she has been terribly generous and if I was her son I would be very reluctant taking the £7k off her and no chance in hell would I be asking for it!

paulineb_2

I do think theres an element of lets have a baby as quickly as we can so the mum has to hand over the cash. Very much so.

thorsoak

So, let's get this right: you met in January last year, he was 18 at the time, now 19, you were 22, now 23 - correct?

He has had anger management problems in the past - correct?

He moved from his family in the south to live with your family in the north after 8 months - correct?

Neither of you has a job, both claiming JSA, although you have an interview for a job- correct?

But you are trying for a baby at the current time - correct?

And you want his mother to "hand over" money that she has saved for him - correct?

Lunar_Eclipse

PasturesNew wrote: »

To be honest, if I were a parent I'd struggle to hand it over ... even if it were legally and clearly his money.

He's had a history of doing the wrong thing with the wrong people and for only the last 12 months has managed to meet an older woman, move North, get her pregnant.... and now there's pressure to go buying stuff for a flat up North with this older woman.

I think this is a reasonable perception from the mother's point of view.

Also, 'completely turn their life around' is probably not how his mother sees things. It appears he is behaving like a toddler with her and it's still very early days for him. Let's see how the next 5-10 years go.

My advice? Don't interfere with the mother-son relationship, especially since you hardly know the woman. Suggest your boyfriend stops asking for the money too. I know it sounds like it's his money, but I really doubt she'll change her mind and it could make her assume you are gold digging or putting financial pressure on her son. He needs to grow up and take financial responsibility for himself. Show her how mature you are and how committed you are to each other. Secure jobs, save for a few years, live and enjoy life and see what unfolds over the coming years. It is not the making of your relationship. Good luck! I wish you all the best, whilst hoping you stop rushing things!

newcook

Im another who is on the mothers side!

Even if you both found a place you wanted to buy and wanted the money to help towards a deposit, she is probably reluctant to hand it over in case 2 years down the line it all goes pearshaped and he has to leave and you get to live in a house (with the baby you were in so much of a rush to have) leaving him with no nestegg to fall back on and still having to pay towards a house that he no longer lives in.

maman

As other have said, if the grandmother had really left the money to this young man then she wouldn't be able to withhold it. I suspect it may be that money was left to the mother and she put some into savings for her child/children.

My mother and aunts did something similar. To simplify wills and because various children had different numbers of offspring, money was left to the parents to do with as they saw fit.

It sounds like this mother has been highly responsible and added to the money over the years waiting for the day her son grows up.

It certainly hasn't happened yet!

I wouldn't part with another penny. £2000 for Christmas sounded madness but enough is enough especially as he now seems to be involved with a gf who wants to get pregnant when they're unemployed. He's just demonstrating how immature he can be.

barbarawright

Have I missed why you need the money now? What are you planning to do with it?

rpc

It doesn't really sound like the two of you are mature enough to make some of the decisions you are making and you do give the impression of rushing into things. You need to learn to live within your means (and that doesn't include spending large amount of savings!). Your means are benefits and, shortly, wages.

However, if the money was bequeathed to your bf then it needs to be handed over in line with the will. If no terms were stipulated, control would pass at age 18 (16 in Scotland).

If mum was saving in her name (for her son) then she can change her mind about what to do with her savings.

If mum was saving in bare trust (accound in son's name) then control of the money must pass at age 18 (16 in Scotland).

If the mother fails to hand over money that is rightfully the child's then she is breaking the law and denying the wishes of grandmother as set out in the will (granny's approval or otherwise of behaviour is irrelevant - a will could cater for this if she chose). Without more details, we can't say if this is the case or not.

System

Now if I had savings held for my son. If my son asked me for £2000 for money for Christmas presents I'd say no way!

If he had asked me for the money to go towards a deposit on a place of his own then I might just think about it.