Family fallout over savings

paulineb_2

Also, youve been living together a very short time, you are getting engaged soon, its very possible that when the mum started saving money for her son, she didnt envisage that there would be a long term partner in his life at this stage in his life.

It could be very possible that she doesnt want the money given to him to spend on anyone else. Its his cash, he can do what he likes with it when he gets it.

But as I said in my previous post, you didnt live through what life was like when he was hanging around with the wrong crowd, drinking and dabbling with drugs, Im assuming she did. She may feel still that hes not responsible enough to be able to handle having £10000 in cash sitting in a bank account.

You said he was troubled from 15 years onwards and changed his life when he met you, thats at least 3 years when life wasnt going so well for him and that might be very fresh in his mums memory.

PasturesNew

To be honest, if I were a parent I'd struggle to hand it over ... even if it were legally and clearly his money.

He's had a history of doing the wrong thing with the wrong people and for only the last 12 months has managed to meet an older woman, move North, get her pregnant.... and now there's pressure to go buying stuff for a flat up North with this older woman .....

As a legacy from what might have been his mother's mother, she might have strong emotional ties to the money and wishing it "to do good" and with his past history and current situation, can only see it having the potential to either lead him astray, or be 'wasted'.... she might envisage that if she releases the money then in 3 months' time she'll see him back home, back on the drugs, back with the bad people, having been kicked out of the nicely furnished flat by the older woman, who is now pregnant and already dating another fella.

It's hard for parents to see an unsettled child seemingly bounce around and to fear fut the outcome of their actions.

While it being in the mum's name does concern me, I could also see that this might be an attempt to protect it. Of course, I do appreciate that she might already have spent it on booze, bad hair cuts and holidays to Benidorm.

balletshoes

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

But how will the DWP etc view it? IF the money was left directly to the BF then he would have needed to declare it.

the OP says between £3000 and £5000 was left to the boy, when he was a child in 2007. The OP also says the money is now in his mother's name, so the DWP would view it that he doesn't, and didn't have, the money as a benefit claimant.

paulineb_2

I think he should take advice on whether he needs to declare to the DWP about this income. I know someone who was denied benefits because she had property that was bought when she was with her ex partner, but she has no access to that property. The DWP didnt care that she couldnt access any of it, they said legally she had a part share of it and as such couldnt claim anything.

Not always cut and dried and something he should look into if at some future point he has to sign on again.

balletshoes

paulineb wrote: »

I think he should take advice on whether he needs to declare to the DWP about this income. I know someone who was denied benefits because she had property that was bought when she was with her ex partner, but she has no access to that property. The DWP didnt care that she couldnt access any of it, they said legally she had a part share of it and as such couldnt claim anything.

Not always cut and dried and something he should look into if at some future point he has to sign on again.

property is not the same at all - as if its in joint names, it can be classed as a joint asset, regardless of whether either partner is living in it, can sell it etc.

The DWP involvement in this is a red herring peeps, honestly it is. The bf has never had the £12000, his mother has it, it was mostly her savings anyway, and its in her name, not his.

NotAnotherSock

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

But how will the DWP etc view it? IF the money was left directly to the BF then he would have needed to declare it.

My boyfriend has no direct access or anything to this money though, he only knows it exists through word of mouth.

Person_one

How did you meet? I'm assuming he was only 18 (or just turned 19) when he upped sticks and moved across the country for you? That's a big decision for a troubled teenager to make, and within what must only be a few weeks there was going to be a baby?

Honestly, even without hearing her side, I can understand why his mum was upset about that situation.

paulineb_2

balletshoes wrote: »

property is not the same at all - as if its in joint names, it can be classed as a joint asset, regardless of whether either partner is living in it, can sell it etc.

The DWP involvement in this is a red herring peeps, honestly it is. The bf has never had the £12000, his mother has it, it was mostly her savings anyway, and its in her name, not his.

Its been in an account in his name according to the OP. It was only recently changed to being in her name.

Im only suggesting that for his sake, he clarifies the position before he needs to sign on again. I think thats wise, because if for that period of time that it was in account in his name, well, Id be wanting to know if that would affect a JSA claim and/or a housing benefit claim.

NotAnotherSock

PasturesNew wrote: »

To be honest, if I were a parent I'd struggle to hand it over ... even if it were legally and clearly his money.

He's had a history of doing the wrong thing with the wrong people and for only the last 12 months has managed to meet an older woman, move North, get her pregnant.... and now there's pressure to go buying stuff for a flat up North with this older woman .....

As a legacy from what might have been his mother's mother, she might have strong emotional ties to the money and wishing it "to do good" and with his past history and current situation, can only see it having the potential to either lead him astray, or be 'wasted'.... she might envisage that if she releases the money then in 3 months' time she'll see him back home, back on the drugs, back with the bad people, having been kicked out of the nicely furnished flat by the older woman, who is now pregnant and already dating another fella.

It's hard for parents to see an unsettled child seemingly bounce around and to fear fut the outcome of their actions.

While it being in the mum's name does concern me, I could also see that this might be an attempt to protect it. Of course, I do appreciate that she might already have spent it on booze, bad hair cuts and holidays to Benidorm.

The last sentence made me lol I have to admit. But so did the second - thank you for making me feel ancient at just 23. :eek: There is no pressure for anything, accidental pregnancies happen and there is no rush for a flat or anything of the sort - it would just be nice if he could make steps in the right direction towards this.

She barely knew anything of his life - he stayed out a lot, when he tried to talk to her about his depression/anxiety she just told him it was an 'excuse'. I understand everything you've said though and have said the same things to his Mum, about understanding how she'd want that money to see him good, etc. His Mum continually shuts me out and hasn't even replied to my latest attempts to help them two patch things up/sort something out.

As a side note, she didn't have the best relationship with her own mother.

paulineb_2

My boyfriend said the money was originally in an account under his name.

From the original post.

I dont think its a red herring at all. The money was at one point in an account in his name.

I also dont know how he can only know it exists through word of mouth as hes been given £2000 by his mum since summer last year.