Would this bother you?

Nicki

I find it really interesting that OP denies that she despises her OH's family, given how she talks about them on this thread and others.

I would really worry about how she talks about people she genuinely does despise, if this is how she talks about those that she is neutral about. I am guessing even she wouldn't pretend that she likes any of them, given the way she talks about them!

nearlyrich

I am second oldest of 6, the eldest girl, sometimes my DH gets cheesed off by things the younger ones and their offspring do or don't do, it's normal and natural to be more forgiving of people you have known all your life, you know them better understand what drives them etc etc.


My thoughts for the OP is try not to let them wind you up, take a back seat visit once or twice a year admit that you are probably going to feel annoyed at some point in the visit(s) due to their thoughtlessness and in the interim don't worry too much about them. You can't change them but you don't have to sink to their level.

notanewuser

Nicki wrote: »

I find it really interesting that OP denies that she despises her OH's family, given how she talks about them on this thread and others.

I would really worry about how she talks about people she genuinely does despise, if this is how she talks about those that she is neutral about. I am guessing even she wouldn't pretend that she likes any of them, given the way she talks about them!

Gosh, you're getting dafter by the minute.

I DON'T DESPISE MY HUSBAND'S FAMILY.

Once again, I DON'T DESPISE MY HUSBAND'S FAMILY.

I have put myself out repeatedly over the years - and continue to - for the benefit of all concerned. I'm entitled to feel a bit cross when the pee is repeatedly taken out of us.

I appreciate you probably would have preferred
I not address you directly, given you haven't with me, but I'm not that rude.

amus

notanewuser wrote: »

Gosh, you're getting dafter by the minute.

I DON'T DESPISE MY HUSBAND'S FAMILY.

Once again, I DON'T DESPISE MY HUSBAND'S FAMILY.

I have put myself out repeatedly over the years - and continue to - for the benefit of all concerned. I'm entitled to feel a bit cross when the pee is repeatedly taken out of us.

I appreciate you probably would have preferred
I not address you directly, given you haven't with me, but I'm not that rude.

I understand where you're coming from, I think most people are annoyed by the behaviour of in laws, to varying degrees depending on how different your outlook on things is.

But you say yourself you have repeatedly put yourself out, then you get annoyed when that isn't reciprocated. Surely by now you realise that it's never going to be reciprocated, so stop putting yourself out! Don't go out of your way for them, don't buy their kids presents and don't lend them anything. Don't let them have any influence on your plans or the way you want to do things e.g. when visiting your husbands parents. You'll be far less stressed.

notanewuser

amus wrote: »

I understand where you're coming from, I think most people are annoyed by the behaviour of in laws, to varying degrees depending on how different your outlook on things is.

But you say yourself you have repeatedly put yourself out, then you get annoyed when that isn't reciprocated. Surely by now you realise that it's never going to be reciprocated, so stop putting yourself out! Don't go out of your way for them, don't buy their kids presents and don't lend them anything. Don't let them have any influence on your plans or the way you want to do things e.g. when visiting your husbands parents. You'll be far less stressed.

That's exactly the approach I/we are now taking.

Georgiegirl256

I haven't read many of notanewuser's threads, so don't know the reasons behind the conflict between her and the inlaws. OP, why did they change exactly when you had your daughter?

I also haven't read a thread about the TENS machine, but if that was me and I'd loaned something to someone and they'd loaned it on, lost it or damaged it in anyway, well I'd be asking for them to buy me a new one. Although I'm sure if that had happened within my family or with my friends, then they'd just offer anyhow. Why should the person who loaned it out be out of pocket?

Nicki

There isn't a separate tens thread. The reference to the tens machine is in this thread

Georgiegirl256

Nicki wrote: »

There isn't a separate tens thread. The reference to the tens machine is in this thread

Ah right, must have missed that. Regardless, if you lend someone something and they lose it or damage it, then they should replace it.

The baby clothes not so much, because after numourous babies had pee'd, poo'd and puked their way through them, I wouldn't be wanting them back, I rather just buy new.

notanewuser

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I haven't read many of notanewuser's threads, so don't know the reasons behind the conflict between her and the inlaws. OP, why did they change exactly when you had your daughter?

It's not really that they changed, I don't think, but the relationship did. DD is the first grandchild on both sides. While my (small but spread out) family couldn't contain their excitement, DH's family appeared not to be bothered. The gifts they bought for her were things they knew (but perhaps forgot) would not be used (dummies, bottles etc). (They were bought and given a few weeks after DD was born so they knew breast feeding was established etc.)

They have never asked after me or DD when they've called DH. That's odd to me. As was expecting us to put up 8 of them at our house within a week of DD's traumatic birth. We offered to put them up in a hotel (even though they could easily afford it themselves) but this was refused and DH "punished" by them coming much later for a couple of hours.

Where we could visit either way whenever we liked before DD (3-4 times a year) now it's more awkward. DH wants DD to know her grandparents and cousins etc but they seem determined to make that hard. They just don't really make any effort. It's very alien to me.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I also haven't read a thread about the TENS machine, but if that was me and I'd loaned something to someone and they'd loaned it on, lost it or damaged it in anyway, well I'd be asking for them to buy me a new one. Although I'm sure if that had happened within my family or with my friends, then they'd just offer anyhow. Why should the person who loaned it out be out of pocket?

Indeed. They can't afford to replace it so that won't happen, and I don't really want to buy a new one if they're going to find it when they finally decide to look for it!!

burnoutbabe

so tell them specifically that you want the Ten's unit back? so they have a week to hunt for it and then confirm its lost and say sorry or be able to give it to you. Its hardly rude to ask for something like that back and get an explanation of what happened to it?