Would this bother you?

notanewuser

Just trying to get some perspective as I don't know whether this would bother others as it is me.

DH is one of 4 brothers. We were the first to have a child. 8 months after DD arrived a cousin was born (we'll call them A) and 4 months later another arrived (we'll call them . Being nice, we lent A's parents lots of baby things that DD had outgrown - including an activity toy which costs around £100 new. We moved DD out of her first stage seat earlier than planned (into an extended rearranging one) so that B's parents could borrow it - saving them around £150.

Roll on a year and baby siblings arrived for A and B. the borrowed items hadn't been returned and were "held onto" for babies C and D. I not my tongue.

6 months later E arrived to the 4th brother. I leant my SIL some bits for her labour, and when I asked for them back a couple of weeks ago they weren't sure they still had it. In addition, A+C's parents have not returned the expensive toy they had borrowed from us and have now leant/given it to E's parents.

We expected these items back a bit more second hand than they'd been given (they were pristine) but now instead of being used by 2 babies the toy will have been used by 4 if/when it ever comes back to us, and the car seat 3. I'm expecting them to be unusable.

I'm really cross that so many things (there are lots I haven't mentioned) have been kept and even more cross that some may have been lost and that others have been loaned out by somebody who had borrowed them in the first place!!!

Would this annoy you and if so, what would you do about it?

tattycath

notanewuser wrote: »

Just trying to get some perspective as I don't know whether this would bother others as it is me.

DH is one of 4 brothers. We were the first to have a child. 8 months after DD arrived a cousin was born (we'll call them A) and 4 months later another arrived (we'll call them . Being nice, we lent A's parents lots of baby things that DD had outgrown - including an activity toy which costs around £100 new. We moved DD out of her first stage seat earlier than planned (into an extended rearranging one) so that B's parents could borrow it - saving them around £150.

Roll on a year and baby siblings arrived for A and B. the borrowed items hadn't been returned and were "held onto" for babies C and D. I not my tongue.

6 months later E arrived to the 4th brother. I leant my SIL some bits for her labour, and when I asked for them back a couple of weeks ago they weren't sure they still had it. In addition, A+C's parents have not returned the expensive toy they had borrowed from us and have now leant/given it to E's parents.

We expected these items back a bit more second hand than they'd been given (they were pristine) but now instead of being used by 2 babies the toy will have been used by 4 if/when it ever comes back to us, and the car seat 3. I'm expecting them to be unusable.

I'm really cross that so many things (there are lots I haven't mentioned) have been kept and even more cross that some may have been lost and that others have been loaned out by somebody who had borrowed them in the first place!!!

Would this annoy you and if so, what would you do about it?

Yes, it would annoy me. I would treat it as an expensive learning curve and not lend them anything else.

mcja

I did this with my inlaws, when I asked for it back I got a different cot bedding set back. Cheeky mare.

On the other hand I have loaned my friend my cot (I won't need it again) and am pleased that its done 4 children (my 2 and her 2) and is still going strong.

pukkamum

I have been through this with my sister and so when passing things on I either make a point of saying I want it back when its finished with if I trust the person to look after it or I don't lend items I anticipate using again.
If you made it clear you wanted these items returned then I would expect a replacement.
On the flip side of the coin a friend gave me tons of clothes for my youngest and said she wanted them back, I have now held onto them for 3 years and despite my attempts to arrange handing them over I can never pin her down so they are going to the charity shop.

rachiibell

It would annoy me too. I'm afraid its just one of those things I think your going to have to put up with. In future don't lend anything out until you're sure you've done with it.

GobbledyGook

If they knew it was a loan and weren't under the impression they were given because your DD had grown out of them then you are not being unreasonable at all.

I learnt a similar lesson when I loaned someone my DD1's pram. They took 'we won't need it for a while' to mean 'keep it for a few months, give it to your sister who I've never even met and then when she's done with it she can sell it and pocket the cash' (it was an expensive pram that sold well even second hand).

If you do get the car seat back check the expiry date for the plastic parts. Lots of people don't realise that car seats have dates on them. They don't tend to last for years and years. I only discovered it when I expected to put DS into the car seat I'd used for my girls.

sharnad

It would if I made it clear i wanted them back, usually if I lend things out I never think I will get them back. That way I'm not upset when they are not returned.

balletshoes

Did you make it clear to the people you loaned them to that you expected these items returned OP?

venetianlagoon

Had you given them reason to believe you would need them again at some stage? Or reason to definitely think you wouldn't? Not that that would excuse them not asking before they passed them on.

SavingPixie

It would annoy me too. Something similar happened to us. We leant my husbands brother and his wife some baby bits which they used 2 or 3 times then CHUCKED out (we saw the bath seat on their drive in a corner all dirty a few months later) even though we clearly said we would like them back in the future if we have other children. In fact we had another baby a year after them..

busiscoming2

I'd probably be annoyed too. If someone lent me something and I was even thinking of passing it on, I'd ask the lender first.

Did you actually say that you wanted it back in the first place? I think I would have been inclined to ask for it back when the child had outgrown it.