Would this bother you?

mummyroysof3

Can I ask....if you aren't having anymore children what would have happened to the items?

Spendless

The time to ask for your items back was when they were being 'held' for the younger siblings to appear. It probably didn't occur to them that you were willing to lend items for their first babies but not for any subsequent ones.

Lemoncurd

It was very kind of you to lend the items but sometimes the message does get lost. From the other side OH had a family member offer us lots of bits for our first, they gave us a few sacks of clothes, moses basket and some toys etc. We were repeatedly told that they didn't want them or anything for them and to give anything we didn't want to a charity shop as they didn't have room to keep everything.
Although very grateful for the items, we did just that as we knew we wouldn't use some of the toys. The moses basket was unsafe so we couldn't use it and many of the clothes had been worn through, feet cut off sleepsuits etc, another (glass) item was accidentally broken. Three years later we had moved twice and clearing out anything we didn't need in the process and discovered that both us and the givers were expecting within a week of each other.
Approaching the time a couple of their family members made comments along the lines of "Of course you have all of their baby stuff", I didn't say a word but was so embarrassed by the implication, in the end we sent them some cash as a baby gift and nothing further was mentioned.

notanewuser

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

Can I ask....if you aren't having anymore children what would have happened to the items?

I don't know whether we are having more or not. I had always said I wanted a reasonable gap if we had more than 1 (at least 5 years).

Baby A was a very much longed for IVF baby and I was so pleased that they were finally getting their wish that I told them they could borrow things from us. They borrowed several things. Baby A was just the right age for the toy when DD outgrew it and as my SIL was only on SMP we loaned that too in the expectation that it would be coming back. Baby C came along while baby A was still using the toy, so there wasn't much of a gap in use.

When Baby B was expected, we felt bad about lending things for baby A and not B. So the car seat was offered and accepted and used. When they announced that they were expecting baby D they were still using the seat for baby B. So no gap again.

notanewuser

Spendless wrote: »

The time to ask for your items back was when they were being 'held' for the younger siblings to appear. It probably didn't occur to them that you were willing to lend items for their first babies but not for any subsequent ones.

Must just be a difference in thought process between us and them, then.

lavandergirl_2

Why not ask it back?

marisco_2

If people were kind enough to lend me items, saving me much time and money in the process, I would be very grateful to them. They would be assured that these things would be returned in as good a condition as is possible after being used by a child. Also that should any damage occur then the item would be replaced. I certainly wouldn't lose anything or lend on to other people.

Was there any discussion about your expectations about the return of these items? I have found that you cant just assume people will apply courtesy and common sense to a situation. Sometimes you have to spell things out or end up in the position you are in now. I am not surprised you feel miffed and displeased though.

notanewuser

lavandergirl wrote: »

Why not ask it back?

How would that work then?

We'd just end up the bad guys!

paulineb_2

notanewuser wrote: »

How would that work then?

We'd just end up the bad guys!

But if you dont ask for the stuff back you are going to be left feeling resentful at the fact that these family members have your things.

I agree with the poster earlier who said write it off as a bad experience, if you cant, ask for the lot of it back.

notanewuser

marisco wrote: »

If people were kind enough to lend me items, saving me much time and money in the process, I would be very grateful to them. They would be assured that these things would be returned in as good a condition as is possible after being used by a child. Also that should any damage occur then the item would be replaced. I certainly wouldn't lose anything or lend on to other people.


Was there any discussion about your expectations about the return of these items? I have found that you cant just assume people will apply courtesy and common sense to a situation. Sometimes you have to spell things out or end up in the position you are in now. I am not surprised you feel miffed and displeased though.

I didn't explicitly say that I wanted them back in excellent condition, no, but I did say I wanted them looked after and to have them back. Having known these people for many years I thought they had some common sense and manners! I've been go smacked by the way they are since having the children and this is really the last straw for me now.

It's like lending somebody your car to pop to the shop and them using it for a drive from Lands End to John O'Groats!!!