Would this bother you?

jackieb

GobbledyGook wrote: »

If they knew it was a loan and weren't under the impression they were given because your DD had grown out of them then you are not being unreasonable at all.

I learnt a similar lesson when I loaned someone my DD1's pram. They took 'we won't need it for a while' to mean 'keep it for a few months, give it to your sister who I've never even met and then when she's done with it she can sell it and pocket the cash' (it was an expensive pram that sold well even second hand).

If you do get the car seat back check the expiry date for the plastic parts. Lots of people don't realise that car seats have dates on them. They don't tend to last for years and years. I only discovered it when I expected to put DS into the car seat I'd used for my girls.

Years ago I gave away a lovely buggy to a neighbour because she'd sold hers to her friend for £50, and after she'd done it she realised her son didn't like walking so really needed a buggy. Then she had the affront to tell me that her and her friend had swapped buggies, so she'd got her original buggy back and was £50 better off!

maman

There's not a great deal you can do but chalk this down to experience and maybe call in all the stuff now before it gets too dilapidated.

I was a bit confused when you said you'd loaned the stuff to the in-laws. I assumed that was to help them when babysitting (all grandchildren including yours) so it would annoy me if they were lending them out.

I think the problem comes with how people value things. I have 2 DDs: DD1 likes quality stuff, buys a few chosen pieces and really looks after them. DD2 buys a load of tat and treats things as almost disposable. So I've learned the hard way not to buy decent stuff for DD2 or DGD2 and DD1 is very careful what she lends to her sister.

GobbledyGook

jackieb wrote: »

Years ago I gave away a lovely buggy to a neighbour because she'd sold hers to her friend for £50, and after she'd done it she realised her son didn't like walking so really needed a buggy. Then she had the affront to tell me that her and her friend had swapped buggies, so she'd got her original buggy back and was £50 better off!

Ha! Sounds like your neighbour could be related to the 'friend' of mine. I found out when she told me how shocked she was that her sister had managed to sell the pram for over £250 even though it was second hand. She even commented that it must have cost me a fortune. One of my regrets to this day is that I was too gobsmacked to say anything much to her (although needless to say she's not a friend anymore after I deliberately drifted away from her and I never leant her anything again!).

silvercar

venetianlagoon wrote: »

Had you given them reason to believe you would need them again at some stage? Or reason to definitely think you wouldn't? Not that that would excuse them not asking before they passed them on.

I think this is relevant. If you happily lent them out for babies B and C there is no reason to think that you would not want D and E to use them unless you were likely to have another yourself. They probably thought it is unnecessary to give them back only to ask again to borrow.

No excuse, just an explanation. I had similar, friends squeezed two out between my two - one had the cheek to moan when I announced I was pregnant with number 2 that this meant they would have to return certain items before they had finished with them.

bizzylizzyh

Oh yes this would and has annoyed me.. I have learnt the hardway not to lend items unless I really intend to throw them out or charity shop them. And I have had to train my husband, as a few times I have bit my lip not offering only to here a voice pipe up .... we have one we can lend. arrgh it has taken 32yrs so good luck!!
items have included sentimental childrens bits, and expensive larger items. one item a as new playpen was borrowed with a view to buy, two months later and I had to ask saying I had someone else interested ..... I was then told they could not afford x£ amount and offered £5 less. cheeky!! I even had to collect, brought it home and re 'sold'.

ognum

I do think you have a right to feel annoyed but I always believe it is better to look at the bigger picture.

Be happy that your things have been used by so many and that they have saved people money and bought happiness to lots of new mums and babes.

Think how much better it has been for them to be used than stuck in a storage cupboard. I understand this was not what you expected and that sometimes means we are unprepared but take a deep breath, think about the whole of life and smile and move on, it is not worth even a tiny bit of annoyance.

notanewuser

balletshoes wrote: »

Did you make it clear to the people you loaned them to that you expected these items returned OP?

Oh yes. Abundantly clear. I did ask for some of DD's clothes back to have a keepsake made and SIL made a point of saying it was all "being kept separately to come back to you". (We live around 260 miles from DH's family so don't see them often.)

When SIL found out that I knew the toy was at E's house she very sheepishly said that she'd lent it to them.

shelley_crow

It would most definitely annoy me. It's very bad form on your SIL's part to give away/let someone else borrow something that she has borrowed herself, I wouldn't dream of doing it!

notanewuser

maman wrote: »

I was a bit confused when you said you'd loaned the stuff to the in-laws. I assumed that was to help them when babysitting (all grandchildren including yours) so it would annoy me if they were lending them out.

They're DH's family - hence they're all inlaws to me. The distance means that they babysit babies A-E but not our DD.

notanewuser

ognum wrote: »

I do think you have a right to feel annoyed but I always believe it is better to look at the bigger picture.

Be happy that your things have been used by so many and that they have saved people money and bought happiness to lots of new mums and babes.

Think how much better it has been for them to be used than stuck in a storage cupboard. I understand this was not what you expected and that sometimes means we are unprepared but take a deep breath, think about the whole of life and smile and move on, it is not worth even a tiny bit of annoyance.

I can't think like that, I'm afraid. If we did have another baby (unlikely but possible) it would cost is probably the best part of £1k to replace what they've worn out without thought or thank you.